Missing my blog?

Despite having moved to a new blog, I have also received requests to maintain at least this blog because somehow, I didn't even know I have the huge fan base here!

Thank you very much for all your support and I can tell you that I am truly touched that there are people who are just so into this blog just by following it.

Well, I will still continue to update this blog periodically, or whenever I found something interesting to update on as I am currently working on some other new blogs and websites which are enough to keep me more than just busy.

I will make it a rule to update this a few times a week if my other engagements are not keeping me too busy!

Again, thanks for all the support and no worries, this blog will be back to life soon;)

New Blog

Please click here to access my new blog for all the recent updates

Please kindly update bookmark to include this new blog;
Christy's Life Journal
http://christylifejournal.com/

I Have NEWSSSS!!~

I have newssss and a BIG ONE too....
It's a GOOD one, something everyone has been waiting for...ehehehe

and I am still thinking how to spill it out...it's a long list =)

It's my good newsssss......stay tune, I will get to you soon, and if I don't, drop me a note here, kay?

Hugs and kisses :-*

Holidays and vacation

~Hooray hooray, it's a holi-holi DAY!!~

Counting down again, and I am finally on leave....seems like forever since the last time I took leave, LOL!

Happy Holidays to me, and I can't wait for my long-awaited and very much deserving break, away away....

I am in a holiday mood now....and I am still finalizing my packing.
Can you believe it, I told myself to start packing two months earlier and then it was one month and then yeah, one day!
I have got to learn something from my travel packing habits, as in early packing and definitely, PACK LIGHT!

That's why I am 'final-izing' my packing...that's crazy, about to heave everything into the overnight bag soon!

Anyway, stress no more soon....because it's a HOLI-HOLI- DAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!~

Nice view

This is the view I can see from my living hall


Beautiful and cute, ain't it? (not those people in it though, they tried to climb onto the kiddie's slides....so immature and these are all grown people!

Insomnia

I have been having insomnia lately; I don't know and it's really annoying me.

It's frustrating not being able to sleep, especially for people like me, who has a sleep schedule and proper bedtimes.
I am a very disciplined person when it comes to going to bed on time, having meals on time (if I can help it now) and waking up early (I love waking up early)

Recently, however, I find it hard to go to sleep despite being tired and sleepy that it gets really exhausting.

I hope I can get my sleep really soon....it's really tiresome not to mention deteriorating to the health when we don't get our sleep.

I may try some herbal remedies or any old wives' advice that is not too gross to help me sleep.

Home Sick!

This always happens, every time I go home for the weekend or a break and when I come back or on the way back, I just feel so home sick.

I just missed home so much, I could not bear looking at Mum and Dad when my car pulls away or when I step into the departure hall in the airport.
Those farewell hugs I give my family, just makes my heart feel really really heavy when I turn away.

I try not to look, but I am sure I saw tears in Mummy's eyes as well.

I sound like a pathetic baby, don't I, whining after Mummy and Daddy and I am supposed to be all grown up and independent.
I am working outside and staying alone out there, for goodness sake, all away from my family.
Some may say that it is a choice, we made a choice and we should not be crying over it.
I made this choice, it is true, but that does not mean I am ready to slash the ties and turn cold-blooded with no more sentiments for my own family and home.

I guess it's true, some ties just can never be broken....parents will continue to see their grown up children as still kids while we, grown up kids will always see home as HOME and FAMILY...

Oh, I do get over it, after a day or two...Home is still the best place to be =)

What I am reading...

This is what I am currently reading....

Can you believe I actually read something like this? =)
Yeah, I do....

My poor poor laptop

The laptop which I have been using for my personal use has just went bozo; the screen kept flickering, slowly to drastic flickers that I almost thought I needed the attention of an opthalmologist!

Anyway, I finally decided to send it off for repair and I sure do miss my lappie!


Now I wonder, how come my old horse work laptop does not give me such problems to justify for an immediate change of laptop for work from the IT department?

Why oh why, sighs!

I wonder whether I did something to make the screens on my own laptop go flicker flicker; maybe something which I can simulate to make the work laptop go bicker bicker as well?

Ssssssshhhhhhh.....it should not be heard by some relevant authorities =P

My New Sleeping Friend

A fortnight ago, the crazy MEGA sale started its spell all over the country and of course, screaming and shouting for the sake of the upcoming Independence Day as well (we call it Merdeka, which means Independence in the Malay Language)

Merdeka Sale here, Merdeka sale there and all of a sudden, everywhere is on SALE.

Dear saw something at Jusco which he wanted to get me for a while ago but I thought it was a little expensive.
Well, since it was on sale, he decided to get it for me, despite my protests and here it is, my new Memory Pillow


It was supposed to help me sleep better, and for a better posture, not to mention proper blood circulation and it was like on 20 or 40% off the normal price.
Akemi is also a pretty well renowned brand in bedding stuffs.

I was excited to get my hands on it, I mean, my head on it.

The thing about memory pillow is that it 'remembers' the position of your head when you lay on it and it keeps it that way.
Therefore, it will maximize your comfort when you sleep and contours your position and back to avoid all those headaches, tensions or backaches, and shoulder aches.
Pretty cool, huh?

Therefore, that first night, I pushed my favorite and good old 100% stuffed cotton pillow to the side, and put this in place to sleep.
The old pillow became some sort of my arm rest which I left by the side.

Okay, first impression when I laid my head on it, "Hmmmm, hard"

Secondly, I felt that my body was slightly elevated due to the hard and height of the pillow.

I tried to sleep, but I felt like I was sleeping on those ancient days' pillow; you know, the one made of marble and shaped like a box, like what you would see in the TVB's A Pillow Case of Mystery?


I told myself that I just need to adjust to it, it is after all new, and I have had gotten used to my old pillow, for like, how many years?

After one week, even Dear commented that the pillow was slightly hard (he got one himself too!)

I secretly tried to swap the pillow with my old one one night, when I felt a little frustrated trying to get to sleep and then I looked at the memory pillow as it lay on the side, and I felt guilty.
How could I leave an expensive pillow by the side, while I sleep on a pillow half of its price?
It doesn't do justice to the pillow, right?

So, yeah, I got stuck to this pillow now and no matter what Dear says, I just won't swap it because it is really not justifiable =P

I think I am starting to get used to the pillow, maybe I will bring it for traveling in the future too, LOL!
I will tell you about the health benefits after I get even more comfortable with it...

Me miss me bookssss

Due to the recent shifting from my old place to this new place I am currently staying in, I had to move at least 50% of my stuffs home (Home as in KL; where the permanent address is at)

The largest chunk (and the heaviest) of them all which had to first make the move was my collection of my books which made it to more than 6 boxes; let me think......... I think it was a total of 6-9 small boxes and 3 big boxes.

Gosh, isn't it amazing how many books I have collected over just a two-year stay since I came back to Penang?

I packed all of them with a heavy heart and sent them home in the car; which was packed with other stuffs as well (I suspect my thermometer was in there too!).

I made a mistake, and it was silly of me to just bring back two books, with the thought that I will just get a few more or exchange these books when I fly home on business trips.

Boy, I finished those two books in less than a week and I am without anything to read anymore.

Forlorn and sad, I thought that I should go get some books from the bookstore but then again, wouldn't that result in another round of shifting the next time since this is also another temporary place?

I ended up in the library; yeah, the state library.
(Yes, I still go to the libraries even after I have left school and university, in case you're wondering)

I renewed my membership and paid RM2 for the card; actually I renewed both cards (mine and dear's) as I am carrying both of them.

Well, one card is only entitled to two books and those of you who know me, well, I need these two cards!!

I am back with the books, and I hope it will take me some time to finish reading most of the books in the library although I have also started checking out books on the shelves of the bookstores and gosh, there are so many titles which I would really want, seriously!

I can't wait to go home and get more of my books here, can I just bring back one box; ONE box only....pretty pretty pleassseeeee?

I Missed me bookkksssssssss!!!!

I need a FRIEND

All of a sudden, I just need to talk to someone

I missed my friends, I missed my family

I need to have someone whom I am close to and I trust and I just want to be there, hang out and talk and talk and talk
Someone who will not ask me what's wrong and just be there for me

I know I have boyfriend beside me and that's really comforting; he's the bestest friend a girl could have but after the previous post, I feel like I want another; someone true to me and will not forsake me

I need my friend...my TRUE friend, to just be there....let me feel that they are there
If you are my true friend, please text me or let me know through some way or another to make me feel that I am not alone.....

Phasing out

I am afraid sometimes; I just feel that I am phasing out of others' lives.

I feel like I may be shut out of others' lives or end up being forgottten or forcefully pushed out

I do not like that feeling; it makes me feel helpless and really useless and not loved by anyone at all.
Dear says that is not true and that I think too much. I worry too much and I dwell too much on what others think and what I should do to please others that it ended up like I may get tired of trying to please everyone in my life and I myself may lose my own happiness in the process.

Sometimes when I look at photos of friends on outings or vacations, I felt left out. I felt like I was not on others' minds when it comes to invitations, although I feel that I was part to blame as I had always been one who preferred solitary and I loved my books too much.
Even my bestie used to tell me the same thing.

However, I can't feeling that all the same.

Don't get me wrong, I am not that unpopular or unknown girl from school where people don't give the time of the day.
I am in fact, someone who has a profile since young much as I would like to keep a low profile and I get invitations all the time.

Thing is, I am always the quiet and indoor type and I seldom go out or hang out randomly. You can say I am kinda selective with the company I hang out with sometimes, and that's bad and I've rid myself of that.

Still, maybe my habits and everything that says about myself deter people from approaching me.

I just have this nagging fear; that I may be phasing out of others' lives; of others whom I really care about and it is during times like this that I am reminded of people who still care about me and love me.

My family; the closest ever to me and that includes my close relatives as well (close uncles and aunts and cousins from both sides of the family)

My besties and best gal friends who never ever forgot about me and just accepted me the way I was, reprimanding me once in a while to chill out.

My best guy buds who would not hesitate to just give me that piece of mind when they feel I am holding my reins too tightly and not letting my hair down once in a while; just give the shoulder a tight squeeze once in a while

My bestest guy bud; my own brother who would be direct and brutal when it comes to giving out opinions on letting myself go

Another bestest guy bud; my dear who would never have a bad word or reprimand for me and just support me all the way and lending me that shoulder to cry on

My virtual friends who have been giving me advices and encouraging words to go on here in my blog and my social network

I really hope I am not phasing out, I do not want to be forgotten or not loved....it would really hurt/Crush me very badly if that did happen...

Can't Wait and NOT packed

It's been two years and I didn't even have a single trip last year...bummer...

It's alright now, I am looking forward to this upcoming one soon....
I kept telling myself to start packing since last month (don't laugh, I always have to pack early because I will panick and change all my decisions at the very last minute) and till this day, I have not packed yet!

Whatever, I am really counting the days and no, I am not revealing where I am headed to yet, you have to wait for me to come back and blog about it in my travel blog =)

After that, I am heading on another trip but that would be on business, can't wait, can't wait...
Sounds like some Jakun who has never seen the world before eh, try not being able to travel for a year and you tell me how it feels =P

Alone - good or bad?

I don't mean my relationship status; that remains status quo, no change whatsoever =)

I was talking about staying alone.
It was always something I thought of, a lot; I felt it kinda gives me the feeling of great independence.
Maybe I was influenced by all those dramas and movies where career-oriented women or rich women are always owning an apartment/condo to themselves (yeah, somehow it's always apartments, maybe because it made them feel safer?)

So, I was hoping that i could someday be like that myself too and years went by, and the closest I have gotten to was when my other housemates went back to their hometowns for the weekend and I was the only one left in the house.

Much as I would like to envision myself being home alone, it was just not realistic as the rooms were all closed/locked and I only could enjoy the space of the living room, dining hall and the kitchen...and for a limited time of only max. 2 days (sounds like some free trial run when you buy a software)

Some says I am crazy for wanting to stay alone, and my family worries that I stay alone with no one to watch out for me, and the same goes with the boyfriend.

However, I often wondered, it would be really my space, and I could have ALL my things with me at the same time.
For those of you who know me really well; like my best buds, you definitely know that I certainly did not exaggerate with the word "A LOT of stuffs"

I want my books to be lined on shelves after shelves and in a place I could call a library (a dream I've always had since I was five, and I really envy Belle for the library she was presented with by her prince in the castle)
I want my CDs lined on the racks and in chronological or alphabetical order in the cabinets.
I want my movie/drama DVDs categorized and rested properly in the cabinets for easy access (myself only!)
I want to be able to have my clothes and shoes being lined together; not forgetting my bags and accessories as well (Nick once told me I need a walk-in closet; seconded by boyfriend, and brother)

I want my own parking space!
LOL!

Okayyyyy, I shouldn't be complaining that much since I have been pretty fortunate (Thank the Lord) in my house-renting adventures so far as I get the master room with car park, and even if I don't get the master room, I still get the car park because the girl in the master room does not drive.
*Rejoices*

However, when I get to be alone, I do wonder as well, is it really that cool?
There are a lot of things that I think about too:
The Cons
1. SECURITY/SAFETY - I don't think I need to say much about this; that is one of the reasons I prefer to stay in condos

2. CONVENIENCE/HELP NEEDED - with housemates, there's always someone who could look out for you when you are sick or need a hand with something. When you are alone, you just need to depend on yourself. If you are very sick and unable to get out of the bed, well, good luck with yourself and wait for the boyfriend to arrive.

3. HOUSEWORK! - this is the top reason; with housemates sharing the same roof, you only need to clean your room and take turns in maintaining the cleanliness of other rooms in the house. When you are alone, the WHOLE house of more than a 1,000 sqf is your responsibility!
That's more than enough for me!

The PROs
1. NO QUEUE - you get your own bathroom to yourself (this one does not have effect on me as I always have my own attached bathroom), and you do not have to wait for the kitchen sink to clean your cup. This is a YEAY for me, and I can ensure that my sink will always be clean and not stuffed with food (like what happened with the last housemate, gross!)

2. OWN SPACE everywhere - have I not said enough; I can have stuffs anywhere I want without worrying about taking up others' space and being inconsiderate. Furthermore, do not have to worry about possibility of theft among housemates; not everyone is trustworthy, remember?

3. FRIDGE and washing machine is MINE - Double YEAYY for this one as I can place my stuffs in the fridge anyway I want; in neat order and not be bothered by the mess other people created and also, I do not have to worry about others' dirty clothes/stuffs in the washing machine before I use.

There are 3 PROS vs 3 CONS as well, so I guess it is a truce, but I feel that it is always a balance which is why God created companions for us.
Therefore, alone may not necessarily be a good thing too; much as we like privacy...

Weird, and spooked

Something weird happened last night, it was just really bizarre again

I hated it when I wake up at that odd hour of 3-3.30a.m, and found bizarre things
Ohhhh, and I even heard dogs barking non-stop and even howls..

Talk about creepiness; it was really eerie, but I just stayed still and prayed hard to God, the sole reason for comfort and sanity.

I will share my story on my spooks blog; Starry Starry night soon, right now, I feel really cold and feverish (don't associate it to the same incident last night yeah)

A simple 'Good Morning'

Just the other day, I was getting ready to go to work and it was just a morning like any other.

I stepped into the elevator and pressed the lobby.
Midway, the elevator stopped at the 6th floor and a burly guy; an American, dressed in a simple shirt and jeans, with a backpack and an iPod with earphones stuck in one of his ears stepped in.

The unique thing is this, the minute the doors of the elevator opened before he stepped into the elevator, he looked up and gave me a big smile, and greeted me loudly, "Good Morning"

It was definitely to me, as I was the only one in the elevator.

Well, I smiled back, as I felt that it was truly a warm gesture on his part
(I used to do that, but some people just looked away or ignored you. Have you ever come across people who when you smile at them, just look away???)

The elevator reached the lobby quite quickly, and he stood there, I guess he was allowing me to exit the elevator first.

I took my steps, and turned to him, "Have a nice day!" and smiled again

I think he was a little startled, but he smiled back all the same, and replied, "Oh, same to you, lady"

We departed with smiles on our faces.

Really, we were just two strangers who just happened to share the same elevator but these few words exchanged made my day.

Find it funny or exaggerating, I don't find people doing this anymore. Somehow people are too occupied with their lives and some men, oh, when you smile at them, they might think you were coming onto them.

However, I feel that a simple courtesy like this and a smile really made all the difference.
I never did doubt that there are a lot of nice and good people out in the world, in fact, I still believe that there is still good in the world despite all the evil we have seen.

Call me naive, but I still believe that even within the evil hearts, there lies a streak of good.

I still go around smiling at people; not too much at some guys (trust my own instincts) and sometimes I give way or hold the door open for people, and I always tell people to have a nice day.
Am I being too insanely perfect? I don't think so, try doing that and trust me, the world will definitely become a much better place to live in =)

Have a GREAT DAY today =)

I pray

I pray, for everyone, and for the peace of the world
May there be no more war and fighting
No more dying or suffering
No more discrimination or hatred

I pray, for the people around me, my loved ones
May there be peace and harmony
May love continue to nestle amongst us
No more anger or dispute
May there be forgiveness and compassion

I pray, for people whom I work with
May there be respect and understanding with each other
Keep judgments at bay and there will no harming of others
May there be no jealousy or despite

I pray, for my closest family members; my aged parents, uncles and aunts
May they be in their best of health
May they continue to be blessed with happiness and content

I pray, for my frail grandmother
May she find peace within herself and trust the divine presence of God
May she find the strength and power to fight her way back to health

I pray, for people who dislike me, or misunderstood me
May they find peace within themselves
May they be happy with their lives
May they be blessed with things that they do

I pray, for people I may have offended or neglected
May time heal the broken bridge
May they find in their heart to forgive

I truly pray, for everyone

I pray for myself,
that I may be a better person
a better daughter
a better niece
a better cousin
a better sister
a better friend
a better colleague
and most important of all, a better disciple of God

I pray, whenever I want to
I pray whenever I need to
I pray, whenever I want to talk to someone
God is always listening, I know

Live to be happy, not to please

I wonder what suddenly spurred me to write something like this, but something kind of hit me yesterday and I realized that it is time I stop to think about it.

I have always been described by friends as someone who is always striving to be perfect and I am indeed, a perfectonist myself.
Friends also told me that I am a little uptight and that I should learn to let loose once in a while; and that I should try to let my hair down.
Maybe that's true also, as I am very intent to do things the right way and to get things right.

People may think that I have been pressured by my parents to do something like that; to achieve good grades to meet my parents' hopes and expectations which is quite wrong, really.
I have lived my life living to meet my OWN expectations; I set them and I live by them.
My parents even told me to relax once in a while and don't force myself to the edge.

I have always been achieving things and it makes me feel that I could really do everything that I want. Sometimes, I wonder whether I did choose paths that I myself REALLY want.

Funny, that I dared myself to make this revelation, but really, I just feel suffocated sometimes doing things that I don't really enjoy and asking myself why am I doing this in the first place.
Is it really my own interest?
Is it my parents' expectations?
Is it to fulfill peer pressure?
Is it to please/appease relatives and friends?

I don't think I am doing this to appease others or to meet mere peer pressure, but I do think that sometimes I do weigh myself in public eyes; which is quite a daunting task as well.

What do I really want to do?
What were/are my dreams?

I had huge ambitions since I was young, and the following were those few:

I used to dream of becoming a doctor, not because of the glamour or the pay or to make my parents feel proud (it's not cheap becoming a doctor anyway).
You may feel I am making this up, but I am not...I wanted to be a doctor because I really wanted to help people; to lessen their suffering and to save lives.
At some point or another, I had questions coming from my dad, "Are you sure you can perform surgery on another? You need to cut through the skin you know"
Somehow I don't remember myself being a scaredy cat at that point and I confidently told him, "No matter how scary, all I need to focus on is how I could save a life if I do it correctly"
Then there were questions on whether I could withstand the long or unworldly hours of working as a doctor. It could mean no vacation at all or constantly disrupted sleep (beauty sleep, what's that?)
I focused myself and told myself that I want to save lives and if sacrificing my own leisure, I could save lives, maybe this was what I was meant to do.

Too big of a dream?
Was I even realistic or just a dreamer?

Anyway, maybe I was dreaming big as a kid, but I was glad that my family stood by me and supported all my decisions.
Perhaps they knew that kids always have their ambitions, and they will grow out of it eventually.

I don't think I grew out of it; I just let God decide for me, and somehow I was none of the above, LOL.

However, there is one love that never died in me, there was one ambition which I never mentioned, a secret one which I still live for until today.

I love to write, I wanted to be a journalist or someone who just writes; like a novelist as well. This is something which I've never given up on because it is something I enjoy so much and I find power in my articles or pieces that I write.
It is something which gives me passion, which is why I started all these blogs.
I love doing stuffs for my blogs; taking photos, editing them, compiling and writing and publishing them. No matter how tired I am, if I was working on my blog, I could lose track of time.

People all around me told me to just pursue this dream, to make it big because they believed that I can, and I will someday =)
I thank each and everyone for their great support and encouragement, because I know I can too.

I feel that everyone should truly something they really like, to be happy, and not to please your parents, or that bank account =)

Life is truly short, and we really should enjoy it and appreciate things and people (Loved ones) around us =)
Maybe that was really the reason which ignited me to write about all these used-to-be-my-dreams....looking back, I do really dream big huh? ;)

Sleepless nights

For the past few nights, I have been having trouble sleeping, I don't know why.
I barely could sleep soundly and I kept waking up throughout the entire night.

It all started on one night when the rain poured so heavily and there was thunder and lightning and I could hear them so loudly.
I have never been one to be afraid of these; remember how much I love rain?

However, this was one different scenario, it was a huge thunderstorm and I was awakened by the whole drama at about 3.30a.m.
I didn't really want to glance at the clock; but it was right in front of me, and yeah, when I saw it, I was a little uneasy.
I was never much of a superstitious person really, but I have a pretty good memory and I remembered this horror movie, 'Exorcism of Emily Rose' which kinda haunted the whole idea of the 3am/3.30am as being the unholy hour.

Anyway, I lay in bed listening to the rain and found myself having a hard time to get back to sleep.
I started praying; Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, and a prayer to Jesus, all to myself.

Then I went back to sleep, trying to sleep on one side.

I am not sure whether it was in a dream or what, but when I tried to toss to the other side, I found that I seemed to have frozen, or medically speaking, sudden paralysis.
I couldn't speak as well, and I just felt that I could not move.

I prayed again, with fierce strength and will in my mind, saying that I have the mighty Lord as my protector and master and that I will be strong.

I guess it was my subconscious mind speaking, as I could barely remember and then I could suddenly turn again.

I do not want to figure out this scientifically nor in the spooky way (after all, what is one to think about, furthermore in this Chinese ghost month?), but I am always comforted by the prayers and knowing that God's presence is always near.
Anyway, I chose not to dwell onto it as a whole supernatural thing, as I could probably be dreaming and the most important thing is, I am wearing a crucifix around my neck; a blessed crucifix no less.

Whatever it is, I am not taking my chances, and I have my bible and rosary and of course, Jesus with me...Amen

There is always a reason~

Whenever I am feeling blue or upset or depressed over things in life, I pray.

Yeah, I do, as I always pray.

I pray to God not only in times of trouble, but throughout the whole day.
Now, I wouldn't call myself a saint or super holy specimen of a Catholic but i see God not as just a superior being.
Sometimes I see HIM as a confidante, a friend, a shoulder I can cry on (since I never let myself cry in public or in front of others)

When I feel happy, I whisper to God and thank him for the things HE had done to make me happy.
When I feel sad, I just say quietly and ask that HE make me stronger and please guide me.
When I feel angry/upset, I pray for strength and peace so that I will not let the deadly sin conquer me

When I feel I have done something wrong, I pray and beg for his forgiveness.
When I am lost or confused, I ask for guidance and to show me light
When I am scared or afraid, I pray for HIS ever mighty presence beside me
When I am all alone, well, I just know that I am never alone because HE will always be there to watch out for me

So, yeah, I don't see praying as praying sometimes, because it became something like a daily conversation with GOD/Jesus.

I attended mass in the Immaculate Conception Church on Sunday and I was really enjoying myself listening to Father Marshall's sermon about prayers.

He was telling us about people praying to GOD for all sorts of stuffs and at the same time, they blamed God when things did not turn out the way they intended.

It was really funny, and I am going to write a full-length post on this in my other blog (My thoughts and My Words)
I promise this, and I will not lie on stuffs related to GOD (*Winks*)

Well, a gist of the sermon relates to how people pray and yet think God was not answering their prayers.
A lot of people didn't realize that GOD do answer prayers, even though they say they do believe, they don't, really.

I do though, as I see it in different ways.

The reason people don't believe their prayers were answered was because it was not directly related nor written big on the ground that that was the answer to their prayers.

However, I, on the other hand, just trust GOD answers, and I see it in all the little things which happen every day or every single waking minute.

HE works his ways differently and sometimes it feels like you have to figure out the answer from a riddle.

In this case, that was one of the reason I feel that there is a reason for every thing which happened, be it a good or a bad thing.

GOD is also busy and when HE answers our prayers, HE has to make his way felt, and to make you realize from the impact (hence sometimes bad things or things which make us sad happen, or that's what I think)

I am recently doing a lot of thinking and there were lots of things in life which kinda make me feel that I am not doing enough.
Okay, maybe there were a few direct incidents which made me feel upset or affected, and I was just trying to figure out what I should do about things which are happening.

I felt a little hurt over something and then I realized, hey, maybe it was MY fault to begin with.

I had to do certain things to set it right, and I am guessing GOD made things like these happen to remind me of it.

So, in case you're skeptical or doubtful of God's answering powers, and blame GOD for things which you didn't want to happen, well, just be reminded that there is ALWAYS a reason....

I believe..

Am I on the way?

I was kinda having a little of a meltdown and was trying to figure out my whole life.
I am not going to talk about it here, but let's just say it's not pretty and I am figuring it all out currently.

I missed people around me; people whom I can talk to and can trust (I guess I say that a lot)

Funny thing is, when I was going through things that I claimed I did not know and what I want to do, and all of a sudden, I hear myself talking and describing all the things that I really wanted to do.
It's funny that I feel like I don't know what I want to do, and then, voila, I could describe them, which means only one thing, that I do know what I want to do!

Then why am I not doing anything about it yet?
I need to re-configure everything and I need to sort it all out!

I need my LIFE....and I just want it to be perfect...yeah, and people tell me that I need to learn to let go.
I am freaking out, I have so much to do, I am so way behind at the moment!!!! *screams*

Confused and

I think I am feeling very confused, upset and a little miserable right at this moment.
I have had a bad dream two nights ago, and then I heard a piece of bad news which kinda confirmed the meaning of the dream and now I found out about something which clearly disturbed my peace of mind.
To add to that whole rubble, I had to be feeling guilty about something which I am not sure whether I have done it wrong or right.

I don't know, I think all the above kinda brings me guilt; a subconscious feeling which nagged and tugged at my heart and conscience and I just feel bothered.

I tried going shopping, you know what they say about retail therapy when you are feeling blue and I was even trying to go for a mani/pedi and guess what, when I was there, I just felt no better and in fact, I stayed there only for half an hour and I turned on my heels and left.
Funny how things turned out and I just feel depressed.

I don't know, I feel uncomfortable when I feel people don't like me or are deliberately keeping away from me.
Perhaps I have done something wrong, and these are people who I know and in the family.

I am just bothered by everything and I know people call me a worry wart or paranoid girl but I don't know, perhaps it had something to do with all these?

I used to be really good in keeping contact with people and keeping hold of things together but I think I am kind of slacked in this department.

I am really lousy in keeping in touch with people around me; friends, relatives, whoever and I just feel that it is really not good of me to be like that.

I'd always like to think of myself as a good person; someone who does not hurt or harm other people or have any ill intentions towards anyone.
I don't mean to be mean or judgmental towards anyone since I knew how to talk or walk even.

I stand firm to my own beliefs and things that I know are wrong or right and I never make any wrong judgment, despite being told what to do or not by people more senior than me; anywhere, including my own parents.

Of course, I am not perfect, I am still susceptible to mistakes and small things in life and I do understand that I cannot have everyone liking me or agreeing with me and I am just normal.

Somehow it still makes me feel upset when I know people do not like me...it's just weird.

Maybe it was karma or a vicious cycle, I can't expect everyone to treat me like a real princess, even so, it is not sincere right?

I still feel sad when there are people who think that I am not nice or a bad person...

I worry too much?
I am writing so much about my emotions and I still haven't gotten to it because I am not comfortable talking about it in public or at least, just yet.

I like to keep things bottled up, and this issue, really made revert back to that...

Am I really paranoid?

One more week~

Dear diary,
It is with a heavy heart I pack my stuffs and push them into bags and paper bags; unfolding the clothes and also putting fragile stuffs and books into boxes.
It has been two years; the longest I have ever stayed in a place which I like and have grown to be attached to (I seem to get attached to everything huh?)
I have to move, yes, and it's a sad thing to do.
I enjoy coming home to this place, popping myself against the bed and watching dramas/DVDs or reading.
The whole place is fully furnished and it is just pretty much as good as a home to me! I do really love this place =)
I paid a really good price and it was just worth it, which I didn't expect to find when I find myself posted back to this state!~

Anyway, like all things, there is always a beginning and ending and guess this is it. I have about a week left and there are so much to do and pack and to organize everything properly.

I really do hate moving, it's a whole lot of trouble and the hassle, not to mention the physical and mental exhaustion when you try to settle down in a new place.

I dreaded the whole process but guess it's inevitable sometimes, especially when I am still in that whole "based here on a temporary basis situation".

When it's time to leave, well, just need to put my head up and not turn back, though I am really going to miss everything about this place....

One more week, and I am in a new place altogether....awwwwwwww, so sad.....and ohhhhhh, my stuffs....so much to pack! Ughs!

Another trip?

Dear diary,
Just when I was thinking to relax and rest at home, things are picking up again and I have to, just have to move forward and pick myself up and go with the flow again.
I am again required to fly down and it seemed really hectic for me, with such a short notice!
(Okay, maybe not really that much of a short notice, but I was really hoping for a quiet weekend and no more traveling, after that craze with LCCT, just less than 3 days ago!)
It's not that I don't enjoy going back to home sweet home, but seriously, I have a lot of things which I need to do back here as well and things have just been so crazy lately (this month!)
I want to travel, for leisure, not like this!
When I am free, there are not so much of plans to travel or fly here and there, and when I don't want to, don't feel like it, or can't, that's when I am required to travel almost every week!
What was that all about?
I am exhausted, and I really need a rest, a break....my last break was also crazy
Can someone just replace me and go on my behalf instead?

I am really tireddddd.....

P.S.: I am indeed, ranting a lot.... =P

Presentation is fun!~

Last week was a nationwide, or at least the west coast of Peninsular Malaysia's roadshow for this new product launch for my division/business unit.

Everyone had to present, in our respective regions and so, of course, I was the one who had to do it for my region =)

I was kinda enjoying it, to be frank, it kinda relived that passion in me, and reminded me of the love I have for all these kinds of things; public speaking, writing and you know, just being yourself with the microphone and commanding that attention to you.

Funny how my bestie was just telling me in less than a week ago prior to the presentation about she enjoyed that too!

Well, don't get us wrong, we are not exactly attention-thirsty people who are just so desperate to flaunt ourselves in public.
Far from that, I just think it makes us feel natural and the truth is, I enjoyed it, it was fun to be doing something we enjoy and feel natural about.

I can't wait to post the photos and blog more about my roadshow very soon, I will definitely get to it soon, I promise =)

For now, let me enjoy that first few moments of liberty...;)

Self-mantra

I wonder how many times can one say "I love my job/life" to believe that they truly, duly do NOT hate their job/life?

I think in most motivational talks, they always tell you to go up to a hundred, right?

Well, I can tell you, if I were to say "I Love my Job" for a hundred times, I still won't believe it.

On the other hand, it goes without saying that even if I don't recite "I hate my job", it will not make me believe it.

Ohhh, that doesn't mean my job makes me sick or I really do HATE my job, but there are just those days when you feel that you are just sick of everything and you just subconsciously say "Oh, I am starting to hate my job!"
You know what I mean...

Otherwise, who would want to hate something which gives them money to feed themselves and dress them from top to toe?

So, here goes, please say it with me..."I Love my job"....

Sad...and not helping with motivation

This is not another drag or negative post; but I just want to express how I felt about another news I have just heard yesterday.

One of my new colleagues in my team; she just joined 3 months ago, is leaving us.
She has tendered her resignation and will be leaving on Friday.

I just received another email from her, stating that she is actually leaving today, using up her one day of annual leave for tomorrow.

I do feel shocked when I first read her email yesterday (the girl was so nice to write me an email to inform me of her decision) and it then turned to sadness as I am losing yet another nice colleague.
It's rare to find people who clicks with you and is capable to do their job well (I am sure she can do her job really well)

At the same time, I guess she has made a good decision and to move on with her next path; just a different path to her own life success and I am happy for her though I wonder whether I am still motivated to stay on this path.

I am not succumbing to peer pressure, in case some of you think I am, but of late, I am slowly losing my own motivation as well, and I am not revealing the reasons here in the blog as this is rather personal but suffice to say that I am also plagued with different issues at the same time besides my own career which throws me into a huge pit of dilemma.

I feel suffocated at times, and whenever I hear of people leaving, I couldn't help long after that envious feeling of untasted liberation.

Perhaps that is a sign that I am also about to head to liberty soon?

I don't know, and I don't want to feel so negative.

I am happy but I just couldn't help feeling sad with news like these as I know I am going to miss great people like these around me.

Meeting and departing is always part and parcel of life, and I accept and respect that.

I am wondering about my own path sometimes, and the roads not taken, can they be taken at any point of time again?
I know they can, it is always a choice.

Sometimes, although I have said this time and time again, I truly wished I had the power to turn back time...

P.S: I've received the farewell email from this lovely girl, and it was like an exclusive email which was only directed to 5 of us in the whole company.
LOL, I feel like an honored VIP guest right now...and I shall let this feeling stay for 5 seconds, 4...3...2..1, okay, snap back to reality.

I truly pray for this kind soul as she disembarks from this path and embark on a new path to success =)

A silver lining?

Dear Diary,
I received some bad news last night; after dinner when I reached home. It was piece of news delivered at the wrong time and I wished that it could have come later.
It was not that it was disaster-prone kind of devastating, but still distressing to an extent.

I am tired of being a nomad, and having to search high and low (electronically and physcially, that is) for another location.
I don't want to go into the details, period.
Enough said that I have just had enough of everything these days; work, people, etc.

Perhaps there was a little silver lining as the same topic initiated an actual conversation with my quiet housemate whom I have just merely exchanged a nod or smile so far or the most, good morning. Well, we exchanged our opinions and even shared a good laugh with each other!

I guess, whenever there is anything gray in the skies, there will always be a silver lining?

Well, it's back to the basic and I am back to square one....but I am loving the rain today, yeah, it rained again!
Another silver lining in store for me?

X.O.X.O

A beautiful and marvellous Monday

Dear Diary,
I found myself having a hard time to wake up in the morning on Monday, and I think it is probably that the word Monday has seeped into my brain and influenced it to suppress the thought that Monday means anything near marvellous.
Much as I would love to snuggle under the blanket, I woke up anyway, and guess what, I was surprised by the gloomy and cool weather as I saw dark and heavy clouds looming in the skies above.
I was thinking to myself, "Maybe this is just another false alarm for rainy day again". I mean, who are we kidding, we have been deceived again and again by the rainy days which were supposed to take place after March/April and to this day, we are still suffering under the scorching heat of the sun.
Anyway, I was really in for a surprise, diary, as it started to rain half an hour before I was ready to step out to work (just the mere mention of it makes me queasy).
I LOVED the weather, you know how much I love rain, and much as I hate getting myself or my outfit, bag and even shoes to be pelted with the raindrops and then soaked through, I still welcome the rain with open arms!
Not long though, as I had to endure bad traffic. You know, diary, it was also coincidentally the first day of school after a 2-weeks school holidays (speaking of which, I am starting to dread this period), and traffic was just, hideous!
It continued to rain for the whole day, and I was even drenched!

It made my Monday perfect though; despite me feeling rather in glooms going to work...but it is now, marvellous, and magical...all thanks to the dear ol' friend, named rain =)

Gastro vs gastritis

I had the most unpleasant last week.

It was a struggle, or rather, a battle between my gastrointestinal vs my gastroentitis problem.
I don't know which ignited the battle, but it started off really painful and uncomfortable.

With the sharp pain in the abdomen and stomach and later, even the chest area, I even suffered from diarrhoea and nausea (thank God there was no vomiting although that almost happened at one point)

I was really pale on that day I went to work after suffering from that bout which I dismissed off as just plain gastric and popped my usual pink tablets to soothe the stomach.
However, I sensed something amiss when the pain seemed to make me really uncomfortable and I kept feeling nauseous.

I made a trip to the doctor the next day, and was diagnosed with food poisoning (that was already the third day).
The doctor even told me that besides the gastrointestinal issues related to the food poisoning, it could have even started off the gastritis problems and hence, I was put on medication for both.

I had to stay off solids and fibre food to avoid purging; and was told to have home-cooked food.

My diet list?
Porridge, broth, beverages...ughs, I don't like either of them =(

Call me picky, but I really hate porridge and don't even want to abide by them even when I am seriously ill. (annoying me, I know)

I finished the medication, and was even on two days MC as I was seriously in pain.

By the 3rd day, I still feel something amiss and I was already starting to worry, as the medicine did not work and I was still feeling uncomfortable.
It is really weird, as usually when I am put on my usual combination of gastric medication, I recover or at least feel better after 2-3 rounds of it.

I am almost done with the medication and I still feel awful and I decided, I had to go to the doctor again, for the second time, although it was a Saturday already (yeah, I seldom do that)

The doctor was baffled as well, and I was already asking whether I need a reason to worry or should I be undergoing further scans or blood tests.

Thank God she told me that there is nothing to worry about and even asked, whether I was undergoing any stress at work or personal life lately.

She told me to just relax during the weekend and try to have as much home-cooked food as possible.
She even told me that I should learn how to cook myself or else, marry/find someone who can cook well...like her own son! LOL!
Was my doctor matchmaking me or what?

Anyway, she changed my whole set of medication and put me on the medication which can reduce both problems.

Thank God, I started feeling better the next day although the occasional pain is still there and I still feel uncomfortable after meals.

I am recovering and getting better, and then, the haze came.
Now, I am starting to worry about my sinusitis and sensitive skin...now you tell me, how can I not be stressed about my life or work?

It doesn't get any worse?

Just when I thought everything will be fine at the end of the month; I am hoarded by a few more things which makes me feel like I just want to scream really loudly.

My car, to report, has been touched up and has been bailed out of the workshop yesterday, when I landed.
All is good, but something else is not.

My luggage which I brought with me on my business trip to KL, and which I checked in (I seldom do) was damaged when I got it.
I lodged a report with the Baggage services counter and after a few haggling with them (they claimed that they don't do minor damages or anything that is inscripted on their liability notice, which to me, is pretty much everything else and I told them off), they lodged my report, and I had to leave my poor bag with them to be fixed.

At work, I had to deal with crazy work schedules which couldn't get any crazier, and moody people who were all immersed in the stressful environment surrounding us.
I had to deal with a delivery problem regarding a new customer and it is just stressful (or maybe i am the one worrying too much)

Not just that, just when I thought I could go for a short holiday with my friends, I realized that I got the dates wrong!
They went without me, of course, since I was not able to make it...BUMMER!

Ahhhhhh......can anything else get any worse?

I hope not....

I wish for a peaceful week and weekend...and many more to come...I just want a breather

Is it wrong to honk?

I have a confession to make: I honked wrongly yesterday, at the wrong person; someone I should never have honked.

Let me start with my story; a brief one assured.

I was driving to work as usual in the morning, and I stopped at a traffic light (I was the 2nd or third car in line)
On the left was a turning junction.

When the lights were turning green, there was a Proton aeroback which stopped on the left and was trying to jump the queue by cutting into the line.

The cars before me ignored her, and I did so too (remember I totally despise queue-jumpers?)
She did not give up and was swerving her car dangerously towards mine, still insisting on moving into my line.

I was shocked and I HONKED!
At the same time, although reluctantly, I had no choice but to let her in as she was steering her car right and it was so close, it almost hit my head lights.
(after my recent accident, I was cautious and just decided to give in)

When her car took its place in front of mine, I looked up and still reeling from the frustration, I saw something plastered on the back screen of the car which caught my eye, steering my attention away from her car plate number.

There, on the screen was a sticker to indicate that the driver is an invalid/disabled person.

Imagine my horror and shock when I saw that, I felt really guilty at that point!

The story does not end there; while I was feeling guilty, the driver in front was still swerving her car dangerously as she was trying to gain control of her car (I think she's not familiar with the driving).

Fortunately though, she tried to keep to the left and I was not intent to overtake her but as she continued to swerve dangerously, I listened to myself and put on my signal to overtake her.

I kept looking at my rear mirror and there was this nagging guilt inside me.

Was I wrong to honk at her?

I am not trying to justify my actions here; but I really had no idea that she was a disabled person.
Secondly, when a car swerves dangerously towards your own car, even if you seldom honk at people, there is a need to sound the horn to alert the driver that you are on his/her side, right?

I don't know, I felt awful although everyone tells me I am not wrong, and she was in the wrong.

I just felt ever so guilty, and I pray that she will not feel bad/humiliated by the incident.

Ms or Madam, whoever you are, I really did not mean to honk at you, I just hope that you will drive more carefully in the future.

Spice up!

I don't know about you, but I start to feel like my lifestyle is falling into a dreary old pattern and it just feels like a repetition of the day before.

Wake up, go to work (8 hours), eat, go home, bathe, watch tv/read and sleep and then back to the first instance again.

It feels like my life has just been set as a loop with a counter which just resets itself each time I go to sleep and only changes after 5 counts whereby the weekend will be slightly different.

How different, not that much either, sometimes I feel that the weekends are not that exciting anymore.
It is not that I am so boring but the weather and work has leading to me being lethargic and just numb to my surroundings.

It is scary, and I just don't want to waste my life away like this....

Age is another factor I presume, as we grow older, we do not seem to find excitement in the things we used to jump up and down about when we were in our teens.
Perhaps we have strengthened the conventions for ourselves and constantly remind ourselves to stick to it?

I am glad that I at least realize that my routine is boring and can at least try to spice it up a little.

I think our minds are the most powerful control system in the world; it just snaps into lazy mode and that's where we start to allow ourselves to just drag our feet without any sense of motivation.

The weather is partly to blame for my lacking in the fashion section.
It has been so hot and humid lately that everyone just feels lazy and just want to slip on an airy and comfortable (preferably cotton) outfit and easy-to-slip-on sandals.

I don't even feel like making myself look particularly fashionable; although I still made sure that I look appropriate to walk out that door.

It is really sickening to feel that I have been slacking in keeping myself but at least I still do realize it and well, to spice things up a little, at least I find fun in organizing my wardrobe and arranging my work wear (work again!) for the week.

Oh of course, colors are vital to make me feel vibrant and cheerful....as long as they are cotton and light material please!

Sick is the most annoying thing in the world

After battling some unusual/unwanted/unwelcome zits on my face for a week or so, I was finally ready to heave a sigh of relief when they were gone.

However, I did not prepare for myself to fall sick, and badly too!

I was kinda happy that I have been healthy for the past few months and was trying to set a record not to fall sick (or I was also just plain too busy to be sick), and then it just hit and I cannot ignore it as the sinus pains were just too bad to bear.

Following the sinus pains, come the flu and the throat.
Gosh, I took almost 5-7 days to fully recover and walk on my feet in a stable condition without feeling dizzy or wobbly when I walk for a while.

The medicine had a strong effect on me too as I felt really weak and had a hard time breathing.
As if that is not enough, I could not get to sleep at night although the flu medicine was supposed to cause drowsiness.

It was really one of the worst points in life when you feel sick, weak and helpless and constantly tired all the time.

I am happy that I am finally back; although my breathing is still a little weak due to the lousy weather.

When I was sick, I kinda missed going out...no, not to work lar...I just had a sudden urge to go shopping or walk around and enjoy browsing around.

Maybe that is always what keeps our willpower to recover? =)

What to do during this weekend...

This weekend, I definitely need more rest and relaxation!
I need to catch up on rejuvenating myself and just enjoy a quiet weekend =)

Of course, besides that, I have a few other things in my mind:
1. Catch up on some movies/dramas - if time permits, I do wanna go to the cinema
2. Read - it's time to finish a few more books and get back to my reading
3. Go shopping - grocery, fruits, and window shopping (furnitures, clothes, bags...sighs)
4. Cleaning up my room and doing my laundry (usual itinerary for the weekend)
5. Enjoy a good meal, especially on lovely Saturday evening
6. Bring my car for a good wash as well =)
7. Planning for the next weekend!
8. Have a good dim sum breakfast!

I think I may have been overly ambitious, looking at the list, but, I just hope I don't end up even more exhausted than where I started!

Happy weekend to me and to all of you!~

Holiday mood after a short break~

After a short but sweet weekend escapade over the weekend (which resulted in my over-exhaustion since I had to travel again for business a day after), I am starting to look forward and dream of more holidays and vacations to come.

A break is indeed good to refresh our physical selves and awaken our senses, but sometimes it can really lead to that feeling of vacation-lag; where you are still stuck in the mode of vacation.

Oh, to enjoy your no-schedule and free time throughout the day; meeting-free and no working hours to follow, and walk around in your own leisure, doing anything you want and taking photos of everything and planning what to blog right ahead...that, to me, was pure bliss!

I do want to go for holidays and vacations but of course, I do not want to compromise my work and financial support at the same time.

It is just nice to have the dream and planning that holiday, which may seem far away but it is still fun to step into that vacation zone once in a while.

For me, haha, I am always in a holiday mood and game for a vacation any time!

Time for more vacations, I do need and want....and I am sure it is the same for everyone...

What's the best time to dream about it if not on Friday? =P

Going for a short break...

It's been a crazy crazy week, not to mention the month!
I have been traveling up and down; north and south and my activities on my Outlook calendar have been filled to the brim.

I am exhausted, and time for rest has been shortened.
I get home, I just had time to take a bath, dinner and then, I am about to plonk my head onto the pillow and just doze off.
When I wake up the next morning, body and eyes just felt so heavy.

yeah, I am that tired.
Oh, I am not complaining, as things are moving up and work is okay, not too bad (ignoring the negative parts for now and just focusing on building my own happiness around my own work)

I am looking forward to a short break, to relax and also, to regain my senses, LOL.
My hands, ergonomic problems are back and I have been relaxing my right hand for more than 3 weeks now but the pains and aches are still there, sighs.
Maybe time to see a doctor if things do not improve.

It's Friday, finally, and rain is pouring really heavily out there now, for the first time since last week.
I am so glad, and my spirits are just high, although I have to worry about jams and flash floods on my way home in an hour =P

I can't wait to take a break...although things are a little tight recently, and there has been restrictions on breaks...which, I may reveal more in my Angelstar blog.

Happy Friday, TGIF...I am happy it is finally the end of the week!
I need my break =)

A wedding and a reunion

I am looking forward to an old girl friend's wedding this weekend; in fact, it is also a chance to catch up again with a bunch of old and long time girl friends whom I have known way back even before we have registered IDs of our own.

It was a long and nostalgic walk down the memory lane; the six of us who have been with each other and formed that bond since primary school.
Together, we have gone through funny and happy times, and also the pain of separation as one left for another state to attend high school and the rest were all placed in different classes in high school.

After graduation, we further went our separate paths, and yet, we never forgot each other.
We have all found our jobs and some, found their partners, and today, we are celebrating a third wedding; one which we have long anticipated since the first day we knew about their relationship.
You see, even her husband-to-be used to be our classmate and they were together since primary school.
Everyone laughs when I tell them this, but it was a fact which we can all stand by and tell you how true though comical it is.

It is a wonderful opportunity to meet up and be with them once again, to celebrate such a lovely and special occasion.

I can't wait to be there, and I really look forward to this lovely reunion =)

My First Easter, away from home...

Last Sunday was Easter Sunday, and it was always one of the best time of the year as we rejoice in the happy occasion of our Risen Lord Jesus Christ.

This year, I have been actively participating in all the masses leading to this joyous occasion and even rushed for Holy Thursday mass and Good Friday service after work.
One thing was different though this year; which was evident when Holy Saturday came.

I always travel home after Good Friday service every year without fail; ever since I stayed away from home starting from university days.
Perhaps there was one Easter where I was still in uni which I also could not make it home in time, and ended up celebrating Easter with my friends on campus.

However, since I have started working, I have never missed a single Easter celebration back at home, attending my favorite Easter vigil mass with my family on Holy Saturday.

This year, I had to hold back my plans as I was scheduled to travel the following weekend after Easter (which was this weekend) and therefore, my parents advised me not to travel twice as it was tiring and also not cost-effective.
I thought so too, as work has been tedious and tough and I had to endure long hours at the computer, working everything out and therefore, I could not afford to weaken my body immunity system.
Funnily, I often fall sick each time I travel back home and when I get back here.

Anyway, I did not feel the impact of the celebration away from home as I was attending all the mass and service and the loneliness only hit me after the Good Friday service as I knew that come Holy Saturday, I would have to attend mass alone with the candle in my hand.

It was sad, to realize that I could not be with my family and also the meeting up with friends at the church after the mass

When I was at the church here attending the Holy Easter Vigil mass with a good companion (thank you very much), I looked around forlornly and realized that I am not going to see familiar faces popping out and waving at me, nor am I gonna be surprised by pats on my shoulder or back after mass by old friends who used to attend Sunday school or masses with me.

Anyway, pushing those loneliness and missing the family aside, Easter mass was indeed a blast here in the Holy Spirit Cathedral and somehow, I guess God just wanted to make me feel happy as well (I always find God's actions displayed in one way or another to associate with how he answers my prayers, which made me feel truly comforted by his presence).
The choir was great, the songs were good and best of all, it even rained that night (though not so great when the whole bonfire had to carried out at the main entrance of the church and we do not get to participate in it)

On Easter Sunday itself, I had a day where I was treated like a princess and it even felt like it was my birthday celebration as well.

I don't feel lonely or upset anymore, as I know the Lord reigns in me and I am happy because of that!
Furthermore, I have a happy occasion to look forward to, this coming weekend and I am going home! =)

Happy Easter everyone, and it's still Easter, so I am still in the celebrating and festive mood =D

Time to move on?

I do not how or why, but somehow there are times I wonder whether I have indeed made a right or wise decision

Things are getting a little wacky, and sometimes I just feel like I do not want to bother about it.
I have tried my best to amend everything possible, and yet, I feel like I was being a victim most of the time.

Life is unfair, of course I know about that, but I don't give up easily, in fact, I work even harder when things don't work my way
I am a clear example of "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going"

I am never one who purely gives up without any fight, and I will firmly fight my way towards what I believe in

However, when I do not believe in it, that is a different story

I want to be happy, to be passionate about what I do, and to be proud of what I can achieve with my great capabilitiess and not to be in doubt or restlessness.

Sometimes I feel like I am not happy with whatever I am doing, and yet, I know practically, it does gives material satisfaction.

I am one confused person at this point and am in the midst of sorting things out, hopefully, I can have the answer soon...

In the meantime, I won't give up, I am a fighting and determined girl, remember? =)

The best people in the world

During the months of frustration and stress which I went through (and still going through), I was constantly on a high mode of restlessness and also agitation.

It was hard to calm down and feel relaxed.

At work, people tend to come across my mind as pretentious and also insincere and I end up not knowing who to trust or whom I can talk to, at least (not as in a confidante), but just simply sharing a light banter without worrying about what people will say or use in return against myself.
It is really hard to be constantly wearing an armor against everyone else; it's like being constantly on a battlefield! (reminds me of Jordin Sparks' Battlefield)

The only people I know who would not betray or harm me are those closest to me; especially my family.

They were the only ones who would always be there even when the whole world turns against me or wants to bring me down; without any questions asked.
I am really thankful for their silent support and for their constant motivation.

It got me thinking, sometimes we tend to hurt people we love when we are hurt by others.
It is just so cruel.

Think of it this way, when others hurt us, we feel really upset and angry and yet, we do not react.
But when our family voice a word or two out of concern, we pounce onto them like they were our real enemies.

The worst kind of harm/hurt is not inflicted by others/strangers, but by people whom we love and care for the most.

Sometimes, we are just too blinded by materials out there that we tend to neglect this fact as we try to maintain a good and healthy image in front of others.

I really thank my whole family for their love and caring support during my times of turbulence which is continuous; but with their steadfast love and concern for me, I will not feel depressed or demotivated anymore.

They are truly the BEST people in the world, or at least and especially to me! =)

My (worrying) recurring ergo problem

I am in town; for my short (making it very short) business trip...as I have posted in my Angelstar blog.

Anyway, I woke up this morning, with the bugging slow burning sensation in my right hand.
I know that feeling; it is that recurring ache on my palm and hand...due to the ergonomical problem

It is also caused by repetitive stress on the hand due to long usage of computers or machines which could lead to a permanent injury.
If it gets serious, there would be a need for surgery as the repetitive stress injury (RSI) could lead to the more threatening Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS)

I am worried and my escalating worry has every reason to be concerned as recently, one of my aunts has just undergone a surgery on her right hand as well; for CTS.
She is not even in IT field (more common)!

It's time to relax those muscles again....I hope I don't have to take a break from blogging just yet as I am really getting back into my blogging routine...and mood!!

I pray I recover soon...

Casablanca just keeps going...

This song keeps playing on my mind since I heard it the other day

It just keeps going and going on my mind; not that I mind it since I personally love this song too and the movie, oh gosh, one of the most memorable ones and who could forget Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman ^-^




I fell in love with you watching Casablanca
Back row of the drive in show in the flickering light
Popcorn and cokes beneath the stars became champagne and caviar
Making love on a long hot summers night

I thought you fell in love with me watching Casablance
Holding hands 'neath the paddle fans in Rick's Candle lit cafe
Hiding in the shadows from the spies. Moroccan moonlight in your eyes
Making magic at the movies in my old chevrolet

Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh
Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by

I guess there're many broken hearts in Casablanca
You know I've never really been there. so, I don't know
I guess our love story will never be seen on the big wide silver screen
But it hurt just as bad when I had to watch you go

Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh
Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by
Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh

Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by
I love you more and more each day as time goes by


Casablanca~~

Burning out...

Stressed these days and I think I am on the verge of burning out soon

Oh no, seems like my days in history are repeating itself again.
Life's been crazy since the start of this year; trying to avoid the topic of superstition but looks to me that this year didn't exactly start off that good for me, sadly.

I had a few mishaps and injuries; which left bruises and abrasion traces on my knees and hands, and then I choked on my food/drink, and I had serious food poisoning and gastric problems, body aches, headaches and even allergies.
Gosh, everything is just wrong and to add to the whole picture, I even had a minor accident during CNY.

Great way to start my year...

Work's been really busy, and added responsibilities always come with a cost
It's nice to be recognized by the bosses on what you are doing and yet, when the recognition comes with additional pressure and expectations, that is another matter.

I am always geared up for challenges, and I push myself to compete against...myself but I do realize that when we go in fast mode all the time, we will eventually burn ourselves out and that's not that desirable.

I want to take a seat back and relax but unfortunately, things and time do not allow me to do that.

I am slowly burning myself out....sighs, time to do something happy and motivate myself! =)
Another thing I've noticed, stress does have an effect on our skin and the way we look!

Time for wedding bells?

I have just received yet another wedding invitation card; coming from one of my old girl friend whom I have known all the way from primary school
There were six of us in the group; all pretty close to each other.

We were really attached to each other; though sometimes I don't feel it was that intimate of a bond but yet, we stuck with each other until today

We used to talk about which one in the group would get married first and who would be the last and the talk always come to this girl as she had met her boyfriend in Standard Six (same class with us) and they have been with each other since

It was really sweet that their love was just so strong and we were all genuinely happy for her

Fast forward to today and she was not the first to get married though
Two of the other girl friends in the group had gotten married; one married the year before, one last year and she will be marrying next month

As I have said, don't you just have to believe in fate/destiny?
Typically the ones you least expect will be the ones who give you the unexpected in return

The first to get married in the group?
She was the quietest and innocent, and we don't recall her being close to any guy in school even and now she is married to someone out of league (I mean, really OUT of our league but I will not get into the details here as this is her privacy)

Now there are three who have already gotten married and there are only three left; well, accurately 50% of the group who are still single and unmarried

That is not the only thing, I have been receiving endless counts of wedding invitations since two years ago, with last year being the highest in record

I guess it is about time for people my age to settle down at this age?
Not succumbing to peer pressure, I try to let this slip past my mind when I hear questions being bombarded my way about my own wedding day as well
Hahaha.....I guess, I will just leave it to time and destiny...

Things like these cannot be rushed, after all, it involves our lifetime happiness!

Mass marriages among my peers do not mean I should just join in the crowd and get myself a marriage certificate immediately
The time will come when it comes...or when the proposal comes...LOL

My best wishes to all those who are getting married, I have always believed in the sacred and beautiful union which ties and bind two people in love with each other

Wedding bells ring again....this will be a very busy year....
Don't ask me when's my turn again yeah....it will come when it comes... =)

Listening to a love song~

All of a sudden, I just wanted to listen to a love song....
A lovely and slow song, and the track from Boyzone somehow just came to my mind..

Everyday I love you...

I don't know but I believe
That some things were meant to be

It is true, a lot of things are just meant to be
We cannot force things against nature

I just love the soothing sound of this song...

Retreat?

I wanna go for a retreat; I have spotted one organized for the church youths in Malaysia and I really want to go for it.
Thing is, I don't even know whether my schedule will fit or whether there is any business trip at that time.

Things have been crazy and all my trips can be so last minute!!

Recently, there were a lot of things on my mind and also on my chest; where it's a challenge to even catch a breath.
I know life's like that, we have to be ready for the good times, the bad times and also, the busy times.

There are things that are really not favourable in my work, and I am facing tremendous stress from it despite being comforted by everyone (including my boss) that it's okay, and that I don't have to worry a thing about it.
Unfortunately, I just can't get it off my mind, perhaps I just do not like perfection (that's so me)

It bothers me to no end, but I am not entirely de-motivated from the things that I am doing right.
I guess this is just my "low-tide" period, and I have to be brave to face it.

Somehow, I know that this is not something that I should allow to kill me, but to make me a better, smarter and stronger person.
That is how we all learn since toddler stage, right?

I am always a very positive and optimistic person, and I really believe this will all go away, with clear skies in the end.

Well, I wanna go for a retreat and also to relax and to learn to unwind myself and let go of things around me.
Finding solace in God's presence is always comforting for me...I am not running away from matters, but I would like more solitary time...

Sometimes, that's all one would need...to retreat...

My panic attack...

Saturday was as usual lovely, for me, but last weekend, I was really frantic over a small incident which had me panicky and really upset.

I was in the car, on my way home after a simple dinner and I just brushed past my own neck and looked down at my crucifix pendant, that was hanging onto my necklace.
I was surprised when I noticed tha the clasp was loose on the necklace and the pendant just fell into my hand.

This has never happened before, I thought to myself.
I brushed off all funny thoughts that may start to creep into my imaginative mind and tried to string the pendant back into the necklace and fasten the clasp.
However, surprisingly, each time I tug the pendant back into place, it fell out again into my hand.

I was getting anxious and suddenly, the pendant fell out of my hand and dropped to the side of my seat.
(You know the narrow gap between the middle compartment and your seat; where you could see the cushion lining.
I could see the pendant there, gleaming brightly, since it was gold.

I put in my tiny fingers, all the while telling myself, keep calm, just take it easy.
The pendant slipped and sank in further into the cushion and I tried to use a thin card to push it out but to no avail, in fact, it sank even further!
Soon, the pendant was nowhere to be seen!

I was really panicky and totally lost it, I was really worried that it may have gotten stuck under the seat; or worse, crushed by the mechanism (metal piece) which moves our seat forward and backward.

It was a horrifying moment at that time as all sorts of thoughts raced through my mind and I was really afraid to lose that pendant.
This crucifix pendant was given by my mummy, it was a gift from my daddy to her and she gave it to me, seeing how much I loved it and I have been wearing it on my necklace ever since.
It is not easy to find a crucifix pendant these days and I just love wearing it.
Furthermore, I don't even take it off, not even for a moment unless when I am required to in certain conditions, but those are really rare occasions.

It took us close to an hour to located the crucifix pendant which had somehow slipped underneath the seat and was stuck between the seat and the carpet.

Words cannot describe that feeling I had when I saw the crucifix; undamaged and staring back at me in its golden shining self.
I was so happy and touched that I cried, happy tears were flowing down my cheeks.

I am always upset when it comes to losing my belongings; be it a cheap or expensive thing, a new or a long time possession.
Perhaps it is because of my personal and emotional attachment to each and every item which belongs to me, I just could not bear to imagine losing them at all.

Thank God that I could retrieve the crucifix, or else, I will probably go mad or something =P
Thank God Thank God!

Busy beeeee

I was as busy as a bee for the past week and I presume it will continue for some time.
It is a good and bad news at the same time as I will be totally breathless catching up with all the pace.

At the same time, I am looking forward to a hectic schedule of a meaningful working life and learning environment.
It sounds crazy and contradictory I know, but I just enjoy being busy, sometimes =)

That is why I cannot understand why people would try their best to avoid going to work by making up all sorts of excuses so that they don't have to go to work or do anything (example, a colleague of mine).
However, I can fully understand when someone experiences burnout period as I have gone through that same period before myself.

Perhaps it was my over-aggressive self when I first started working which pushed me beyond the limits and eventually, I felt tired when I was being pushed around.
Funny how initially, I was the one pushing myself out and when the bubble bursts, I start to despise how people would take advantage of me and push me around.
At one point, I was even tired of work.

Those were the days and now, as I am constantly rushing myself around and meeting all those expectations and deadlines, and I found myself praying that I won't get burnt out again as I was really worried with the pace and rate that I am going at the moment.
It is good to be busy but when we pushed ourselves too much, we could end up feeling fed up of it all, the neverending tidal waves.

Anyway, I am at the point of working myself but I will also ensure that my leisure activities keep up in my life to create that perfect balance =)

Blogging, photography, exercise, vacation (I do really need a break this year!!!),field trips, gatherings, books, and shopping...those would really help a lot....
So, see, how can I stay away from being busy? ;)

What a girl wants...

Every girl has their own wish lists of dreams that they wish would come true some day...of course, even guys do...

There are so many things that a girl would want, and all of a sudden I have this thought and just decided to jot some of mine down..

It seems to be the perfect day (it's Friday) to do so, and hope that we can sleep through these dreams.

A girl wants a lot of things, but let's not be greedy here and focus on what particularly do I have in mind which is probably a gist of the whole picture

1. Freedom to do whatever I want in life; inclusive of choosing the person I want to be, my own career path and my relationship status

2. The financial ability to buy our own stuffs and fund our own shopping (clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, and for me, BOOKS!)

3. A place we can call our own; our very own home and personal space and having that liberty to furnish/design it to our liking

4. To be respected as a woman and not often looked down as the weaker sex

5. To truly and madly be loved and in love with that one person who will think the world of you and not treat you like crap.

6. To find that Mr Right or dashing prince in a shining armour; your soul mate for life who trusts and loves you for who you are and is your most trusted best friend.

7. To have accomplished one great thing in life; for me, I would definitely want to make it in my writing. I just love writing! =)

8. To travel around the whole world; and to see the world through my very own eyes and be able to tell it to the next generation

9. To be able to help people who are out there who needs help wherever I can. It feels great when you know you can do something for someone else

10. To be spoilt and pampered at all times (now that's rather Brat-ty like, but it's nice, you know)

Those are probably the top 10 that every girl would want on their list; but that is my very own personal list and may differ from others since everyone is unique and have their own priorities.

Now, what else could I possibly want? *greed glimmers in eyes*

I am secretive, so what?

A lot of people have secrets; or should I say every single person on earth has their own secret.
Just because some of us prefer to keep more to ourselves does not mean we are violating any rules of mankind.

Yours truly is also a person who likes to keep to herself, and most of the things that revolve around me; my emotions, my thoughts, my views, my happiness and unhappiness, my discomfort, my achievements, my failures, whatever it is, I have the choice to keep it to myself.
Perhaps a different way of looking at it is I just choose not to blow things in or out of proportion or I just don't think it's a big deal.
I like to be personal; and not broadcast my life like some celebrity in Tinseltown.
I think I have the right to do that.

It is unfair to be judged or even called secretive just because I don't publicly announce how many furniture I bought from Ikea or how many books I got from the cheap warehouse sales, or even how many dresses are from the bazaar or Dorothy Perkins.
It is just my life, get it?

Yeah, I just had the urge to get this out here because there are people who unfairly accuse of being secretive of your own life and just get annoyed with you for the same reason.
I mean, hello, this is my life, and my decisions, what has that got to do with some of you?

I think some of us need to learn the definition of secrets and personal life and not mix it up with broadcasting or celebrity's publicity.
Even the celebrities do not deserve to be stripped off their right to maintain anonymity about their lives.

If I want to buy a car, so be it
If I want to buy a house, that's my money
If I want to buy loads of books and build my own library in my own house, it's up to ME
If I want to fly to Polaris and stay there for the rest of my life and not tell anyone beforehand (except my own family), that is my CHOICE

I just don't want to hear that I am not telling anyone of whatever decision I am making.
I choose who I want to tell, and whoever's not in the list, too bad, just get off my back and live your own life!

Life's Like That

Sometimes things come around
And they knock you down
When you get back up
And they knock you down, knock you down

I tend to agree with this lyrics which I have modified the words a little bit to describe life.
Things happen, when you are your most laid back point and when you think you can afford to slack a little
They come in a rush, hit you on the head and had you running with them in a race

When you get yourself up again, here they come again to punch you in the face and knock you down again
It's like a wave
It's like boxing
It's just life

Everytime when I think that the sea's just calm, then a tidal wave hits again

It is life, I know but sometimes you just wished that there are peaceful times all the way

I am referring to a recent incident at work; somehow it's always about work these days
I am getting worried that I am turning back into the workaholic I used to be
It is not good especially for my health
I just don't like it when everything revolves around work alone
I don't want to lose my life or losing the enjoyment or recreation that I enjoy, and in the process, lose my own identity.

I am tired of all the Venetian masks around me, it's just so exhausting to have to pretend like you don't know they're acting
It is revolting

However, I have come to accept that Life's like that; it is never a bed full of roses, and what we can do to control it?

Imagine it is a bed of roses if you want; but just look at it with care, as roses have thorns too and to enjoy roses, we have to accept that they come with thorns.
Being careful and alert will help us to enjoy the scent and beauty of roses; and without scratching our own fingers/skin too much!

My Birthday 2010..in a gist

I just realized I have probably not blogged about my birthday this year yet.
I guess I have been bogged down by too many things that I need to backtrack.
After all, I have lost touch with my blogs for a while and believe it or not, I still have a long list of to-dos for my blogs.
(so many unpublished posts for my blogs!)

Well, somehow I felt it was rather uneventful this year (no offense to the people who have celebrated with me)
I just didn't feel that excited as previous years; I don't know why.
I was still happy and looking forward to it so much but yet at the same time, when the day came, I was just like, "Happy Birthday to myself"
Perhaps it's work, lifestyle, or stress or maybe the fact that as I grow older, I start to lose interest in celebrating my own birthday?
(I hope that last bit is not true because I still love my birthday very much; I know, I am self-centered/focused and I love myself)

My Dear, as usual, is always the busiest person around when it comes to my birthday. Starting from my birthday eve; which coincidentally was a Saturday this year, I had the treat to a seafood buffet at the newly opened Eastin Hotel in Penang (I will share the post on the food fiesta in my food blog =)
Anyway, the marvellous food spread led me to develop slight allergies 2 hours after dinner; but thank God, it was just a mild case and after antihistamines, I got it off =)

The next morning; the morning of my birthday, as usual, I always like to capture the early morning sun.

It is after all, a brand new day!! (A little tagline which I have adopted from Chicken Little; somehow I just love the sound of this optimistic line)

I was taken for a ride; and guess what, I was really lucky...really, it must have been my lucky day to have chanced upon a row of SPORTS cars!!!
I thought it was just my imagination or probably there was a road show or something as these cars were just parked right outside the 5-star hotel but no, they were really there and they belong to the guests of the hotel.




My favorite sports car was there; and not just one, it was a total of 4-5 of them! Each with their different design and style and even convertible version!


I saw a few other types of sports cars which are so rare not just in my country but in other countries as well.

Well, being the blogger/writer/photographer enthusiast as me (call it whatever you like), I could not resist to take photos of these beautiful babies and with them!


It felt like a dream come true; and the best part was, this was definitely not planned!
These babies are really beautiful!

My dream car =)


The morning encounter with these cars really lighted up my day; and the folks were really friendly people too; allowing people to admire and to snap photos of their cars.
Well, as the car jockey (whom we had a quick banter with) said, these are definitely for parading and not for parking indoors =)

I felt like Luck was definitely in place and that my Birthday luck was shining alright!
I saw these cars like 2-3 times on the island that day as they drove in a crowd.

Alrighty, what's birthday without a cake, even when yours truly is seriously not a fan of sweet stuffs (yeah, I may be the only girl on the planet who doesn't like sweet stuffs)

I don't mind birthday cakes; especially my own birthday as I find them symbolic and reminds you that you're having a birthday, how silly, right?
Laugh all you like, but that's me at my unique self (or contradictory self)

My birthday cake *proud*

(though it turned out to taste awful...ughs)

Happy Birthday to me!!~

Thanks to all my friends who have remembered my birthday and have wished me through text messages, emails, Facebook messages, phone calls, cards, etc.
A BIG hug for you and I am truly touched for your sweet thoughts of me on my favorite day =)

Special thanks to my beloved friends/sisters in Penang who have thrown me a surprise birthday party and Amy even specially baked me a cake and took care of my eating habits and went easy on the ingredients! I'm sure she had a hard time baking a cake like this! Many many hugs Amy, you're the best!!!~

Cheers for many more great times and may what I wished for come true =D