Live to be happy, not to please

I wonder what suddenly spurred me to write something like this, but something kind of hit me yesterday and I realized that it is time I stop to think about it.

I have always been described by friends as someone who is always striving to be perfect and I am indeed, a perfectonist myself.
Friends also told me that I am a little uptight and that I should learn to let loose once in a while; and that I should try to let my hair down.
Maybe that's true also, as I am very intent to do things the right way and to get things right.

People may think that I have been pressured by my parents to do something like that; to achieve good grades to meet my parents' hopes and expectations which is quite wrong, really.
I have lived my life living to meet my OWN expectations; I set them and I live by them.
My parents even told me to relax once in a while and don't force myself to the edge.

I have always been achieving things and it makes me feel that I could really do everything that I want. Sometimes, I wonder whether I did choose paths that I myself REALLY want.

Funny, that I dared myself to make this revelation, but really, I just feel suffocated sometimes doing things that I don't really enjoy and asking myself why am I doing this in the first place.
Is it really my own interest?
Is it my parents' expectations?
Is it to fulfill peer pressure?
Is it to please/appease relatives and friends?

I don't think I am doing this to appease others or to meet mere peer pressure, but I do think that sometimes I do weigh myself in public eyes; which is quite a daunting task as well.

What do I really want to do?
What were/are my dreams?

I had huge ambitions since I was young, and the following were those few:

I used to dream of becoming a doctor, not because of the glamour or the pay or to make my parents feel proud (it's not cheap becoming a doctor anyway).
You may feel I am making this up, but I am not...I wanted to be a doctor because I really wanted to help people; to lessen their suffering and to save lives.
At some point or another, I had questions coming from my dad, "Are you sure you can perform surgery on another? You need to cut through the skin you know"
Somehow I don't remember myself being a scaredy cat at that point and I confidently told him, "No matter how scary, all I need to focus on is how I could save a life if I do it correctly"
Then there were questions on whether I could withstand the long or unworldly hours of working as a doctor. It could mean no vacation at all or constantly disrupted sleep (beauty sleep, what's that?)
I focused myself and told myself that I want to save lives and if sacrificing my own leisure, I could save lives, maybe this was what I was meant to do.

Too big of a dream?
Was I even realistic or just a dreamer?

Anyway, maybe I was dreaming big as a kid, but I was glad that my family stood by me and supported all my decisions.
Perhaps they knew that kids always have their ambitions, and they will grow out of it eventually.

I don't think I grew out of it; I just let God decide for me, and somehow I was none of the above, LOL.

However, there is one love that never died in me, there was one ambition which I never mentioned, a secret one which I still live for until today.

I love to write, I wanted to be a journalist or someone who just writes; like a novelist as well. This is something which I've never given up on because it is something I enjoy so much and I find power in my articles or pieces that I write.
It is something which gives me passion, which is why I started all these blogs.
I love doing stuffs for my blogs; taking photos, editing them, compiling and writing and publishing them. No matter how tired I am, if I was working on my blog, I could lose track of time.

People all around me told me to just pursue this dream, to make it big because they believed that I can, and I will someday =)
I thank each and everyone for their great support and encouragement, because I know I can too.

I feel that everyone should truly something they really like, to be happy, and not to please your parents, or that bank account =)

Life is truly short, and we really should enjoy it and appreciate things and people (Loved ones) around us =)
Maybe that was really the reason which ignited me to write about all these used-to-be-my-dreams....looking back, I do really dream big huh? ;)