What I am reading...

This is what I am currently reading....

Can you believe I actually read something like this? =)
Yeah, I do....

My poor poor laptop

The laptop which I have been using for my personal use has just went bozo; the screen kept flickering, slowly to drastic flickers that I almost thought I needed the attention of an opthalmologist!

Anyway, I finally decided to send it off for repair and I sure do miss my lappie!


Now I wonder, how come my old horse work laptop does not give me such problems to justify for an immediate change of laptop for work from the IT department?

Why oh why, sighs!

I wonder whether I did something to make the screens on my own laptop go flicker flicker; maybe something which I can simulate to make the work laptop go bicker bicker as well?

Ssssssshhhhhhh.....it should not be heard by some relevant authorities =P

My New Sleeping Friend

A fortnight ago, the crazy MEGA sale started its spell all over the country and of course, screaming and shouting for the sake of the upcoming Independence Day as well (we call it Merdeka, which means Independence in the Malay Language)

Merdeka Sale here, Merdeka sale there and all of a sudden, everywhere is on SALE.

Dear saw something at Jusco which he wanted to get me for a while ago but I thought it was a little expensive.
Well, since it was on sale, he decided to get it for me, despite my protests and here it is, my new Memory Pillow


It was supposed to help me sleep better, and for a better posture, not to mention proper blood circulation and it was like on 20 or 40% off the normal price.
Akemi is also a pretty well renowned brand in bedding stuffs.

I was excited to get my hands on it, I mean, my head on it.

The thing about memory pillow is that it 'remembers' the position of your head when you lay on it and it keeps it that way.
Therefore, it will maximize your comfort when you sleep and contours your position and back to avoid all those headaches, tensions or backaches, and shoulder aches.
Pretty cool, huh?

Therefore, that first night, I pushed my favorite and good old 100% stuffed cotton pillow to the side, and put this in place to sleep.
The old pillow became some sort of my arm rest which I left by the side.

Okay, first impression when I laid my head on it, "Hmmmm, hard"

Secondly, I felt that my body was slightly elevated due to the hard and height of the pillow.

I tried to sleep, but I felt like I was sleeping on those ancient days' pillow; you know, the one made of marble and shaped like a box, like what you would see in the TVB's A Pillow Case of Mystery?


I told myself that I just need to adjust to it, it is after all new, and I have had gotten used to my old pillow, for like, how many years?

After one week, even Dear commented that the pillow was slightly hard (he got one himself too!)

I secretly tried to swap the pillow with my old one one night, when I felt a little frustrated trying to get to sleep and then I looked at the memory pillow as it lay on the side, and I felt guilty.
How could I leave an expensive pillow by the side, while I sleep on a pillow half of its price?
It doesn't do justice to the pillow, right?

So, yeah, I got stuck to this pillow now and no matter what Dear says, I just won't swap it because it is really not justifiable =P

I think I am starting to get used to the pillow, maybe I will bring it for traveling in the future too, LOL!
I will tell you about the health benefits after I get even more comfortable with it...

Me miss me bookssss

Due to the recent shifting from my old place to this new place I am currently staying in, I had to move at least 50% of my stuffs home (Home as in KL; where the permanent address is at)

The largest chunk (and the heaviest) of them all which had to first make the move was my collection of my books which made it to more than 6 boxes; let me think......... I think it was a total of 6-9 small boxes and 3 big boxes.

Gosh, isn't it amazing how many books I have collected over just a two-year stay since I came back to Penang?

I packed all of them with a heavy heart and sent them home in the car; which was packed with other stuffs as well (I suspect my thermometer was in there too!).

I made a mistake, and it was silly of me to just bring back two books, with the thought that I will just get a few more or exchange these books when I fly home on business trips.

Boy, I finished those two books in less than a week and I am without anything to read anymore.

Forlorn and sad, I thought that I should go get some books from the bookstore but then again, wouldn't that result in another round of shifting the next time since this is also another temporary place?

I ended up in the library; yeah, the state library.
(Yes, I still go to the libraries even after I have left school and university, in case you're wondering)

I renewed my membership and paid RM2 for the card; actually I renewed both cards (mine and dear's) as I am carrying both of them.

Well, one card is only entitled to two books and those of you who know me, well, I need these two cards!!

I am back with the books, and I hope it will take me some time to finish reading most of the books in the library although I have also started checking out books on the shelves of the bookstores and gosh, there are so many titles which I would really want, seriously!

I can't wait to go home and get more of my books here, can I just bring back one box; ONE box only....pretty pretty pleassseeeee?

I Missed me bookkksssssssss!!!!

I need a FRIEND

All of a sudden, I just need to talk to someone

I missed my friends, I missed my family

I need to have someone whom I am close to and I trust and I just want to be there, hang out and talk and talk and talk
Someone who will not ask me what's wrong and just be there for me

I know I have boyfriend beside me and that's really comforting; he's the bestest friend a girl could have but after the previous post, I feel like I want another; someone true to me and will not forsake me

I need my friend...my TRUE friend, to just be there....let me feel that they are there
If you are my true friend, please text me or let me know through some way or another to make me feel that I am not alone.....

Phasing out

I am afraid sometimes; I just feel that I am phasing out of others' lives.

I feel like I may be shut out of others' lives or end up being forgottten or forcefully pushed out

I do not like that feeling; it makes me feel helpless and really useless and not loved by anyone at all.
Dear says that is not true and that I think too much. I worry too much and I dwell too much on what others think and what I should do to please others that it ended up like I may get tired of trying to please everyone in my life and I myself may lose my own happiness in the process.

Sometimes when I look at photos of friends on outings or vacations, I felt left out. I felt like I was not on others' minds when it comes to invitations, although I feel that I was part to blame as I had always been one who preferred solitary and I loved my books too much.
Even my bestie used to tell me the same thing.

However, I can't feeling that all the same.

Don't get me wrong, I am not that unpopular or unknown girl from school where people don't give the time of the day.
I am in fact, someone who has a profile since young much as I would like to keep a low profile and I get invitations all the time.

Thing is, I am always the quiet and indoor type and I seldom go out or hang out randomly. You can say I am kinda selective with the company I hang out with sometimes, and that's bad and I've rid myself of that.

Still, maybe my habits and everything that says about myself deter people from approaching me.

I just have this nagging fear; that I may be phasing out of others' lives; of others whom I really care about and it is during times like this that I am reminded of people who still care about me and love me.

My family; the closest ever to me and that includes my close relatives as well (close uncles and aunts and cousins from both sides of the family)

My besties and best gal friends who never ever forgot about me and just accepted me the way I was, reprimanding me once in a while to chill out.

My best guy buds who would not hesitate to just give me that piece of mind when they feel I am holding my reins too tightly and not letting my hair down once in a while; just give the shoulder a tight squeeze once in a while

My bestest guy bud; my own brother who would be direct and brutal when it comes to giving out opinions on letting myself go

Another bestest guy bud; my dear who would never have a bad word or reprimand for me and just support me all the way and lending me that shoulder to cry on

My virtual friends who have been giving me advices and encouraging words to go on here in my blog and my social network

I really hope I am not phasing out, I do not want to be forgotten or not loved....it would really hurt/Crush me very badly if that did happen...

Can't Wait and NOT packed

It's been two years and I didn't even have a single trip last year...bummer...

It's alright now, I am looking forward to this upcoming one soon....
I kept telling myself to start packing since last month (don't laugh, I always have to pack early because I will panick and change all my decisions at the very last minute) and till this day, I have not packed yet!

Whatever, I am really counting the days and no, I am not revealing where I am headed to yet, you have to wait for me to come back and blog about it in my travel blog =)

After that, I am heading on another trip but that would be on business, can't wait, can't wait...
Sounds like some Jakun who has never seen the world before eh, try not being able to travel for a year and you tell me how it feels =P

Alone - good or bad?

I don't mean my relationship status; that remains status quo, no change whatsoever =)

I was talking about staying alone.
It was always something I thought of, a lot; I felt it kinda gives me the feeling of great independence.
Maybe I was influenced by all those dramas and movies where career-oriented women or rich women are always owning an apartment/condo to themselves (yeah, somehow it's always apartments, maybe because it made them feel safer?)

So, I was hoping that i could someday be like that myself too and years went by, and the closest I have gotten to was when my other housemates went back to their hometowns for the weekend and I was the only one left in the house.

Much as I would like to envision myself being home alone, it was just not realistic as the rooms were all closed/locked and I only could enjoy the space of the living room, dining hall and the kitchen...and for a limited time of only max. 2 days (sounds like some free trial run when you buy a software)

Some says I am crazy for wanting to stay alone, and my family worries that I stay alone with no one to watch out for me, and the same goes with the boyfriend.

However, I often wondered, it would be really my space, and I could have ALL my things with me at the same time.
For those of you who know me really well; like my best buds, you definitely know that I certainly did not exaggerate with the word "A LOT of stuffs"

I want my books to be lined on shelves after shelves and in a place I could call a library (a dream I've always had since I was five, and I really envy Belle for the library she was presented with by her prince in the castle)
I want my CDs lined on the racks and in chronological or alphabetical order in the cabinets.
I want my movie/drama DVDs categorized and rested properly in the cabinets for easy access (myself only!)
I want to be able to have my clothes and shoes being lined together; not forgetting my bags and accessories as well (Nick once told me I need a walk-in closet; seconded by boyfriend, and brother)

I want my own parking space!
LOL!

Okayyyyy, I shouldn't be complaining that much since I have been pretty fortunate (Thank the Lord) in my house-renting adventures so far as I get the master room with car park, and even if I don't get the master room, I still get the car park because the girl in the master room does not drive.
*Rejoices*

However, when I get to be alone, I do wonder as well, is it really that cool?
There are a lot of things that I think about too:
The Cons
1. SECURITY/SAFETY - I don't think I need to say much about this; that is one of the reasons I prefer to stay in condos

2. CONVENIENCE/HELP NEEDED - with housemates, there's always someone who could look out for you when you are sick or need a hand with something. When you are alone, you just need to depend on yourself. If you are very sick and unable to get out of the bed, well, good luck with yourself and wait for the boyfriend to arrive.

3. HOUSEWORK! - this is the top reason; with housemates sharing the same roof, you only need to clean your room and take turns in maintaining the cleanliness of other rooms in the house. When you are alone, the WHOLE house of more than a 1,000 sqf is your responsibility!
That's more than enough for me!

The PROs
1. NO QUEUE - you get your own bathroom to yourself (this one does not have effect on me as I always have my own attached bathroom), and you do not have to wait for the kitchen sink to clean your cup. This is a YEAY for me, and I can ensure that my sink will always be clean and not stuffed with food (like what happened with the last housemate, gross!)

2. OWN SPACE everywhere - have I not said enough; I can have stuffs anywhere I want without worrying about taking up others' space and being inconsiderate. Furthermore, do not have to worry about possibility of theft among housemates; not everyone is trustworthy, remember?

3. FRIDGE and washing machine is MINE - Double YEAYY for this one as I can place my stuffs in the fridge anyway I want; in neat order and not be bothered by the mess other people created and also, I do not have to worry about others' dirty clothes/stuffs in the washing machine before I use.

There are 3 PROS vs 3 CONS as well, so I guess it is a truce, but I feel that it is always a balance which is why God created companions for us.
Therefore, alone may not necessarily be a good thing too; much as we like privacy...

Weird, and spooked

Something weird happened last night, it was just really bizarre again

I hated it when I wake up at that odd hour of 3-3.30a.m, and found bizarre things
Ohhhh, and I even heard dogs barking non-stop and even howls..

Talk about creepiness; it was really eerie, but I just stayed still and prayed hard to God, the sole reason for comfort and sanity.

I will share my story on my spooks blog; Starry Starry night soon, right now, I feel really cold and feverish (don't associate it to the same incident last night yeah)

A simple 'Good Morning'

Just the other day, I was getting ready to go to work and it was just a morning like any other.

I stepped into the elevator and pressed the lobby.
Midway, the elevator stopped at the 6th floor and a burly guy; an American, dressed in a simple shirt and jeans, with a backpack and an iPod with earphones stuck in one of his ears stepped in.

The unique thing is this, the minute the doors of the elevator opened before he stepped into the elevator, he looked up and gave me a big smile, and greeted me loudly, "Good Morning"

It was definitely to me, as I was the only one in the elevator.

Well, I smiled back, as I felt that it was truly a warm gesture on his part
(I used to do that, but some people just looked away or ignored you. Have you ever come across people who when you smile at them, just look away???)

The elevator reached the lobby quite quickly, and he stood there, I guess he was allowing me to exit the elevator first.

I took my steps, and turned to him, "Have a nice day!" and smiled again

I think he was a little startled, but he smiled back all the same, and replied, "Oh, same to you, lady"

We departed with smiles on our faces.

Really, we were just two strangers who just happened to share the same elevator but these few words exchanged made my day.

Find it funny or exaggerating, I don't find people doing this anymore. Somehow people are too occupied with their lives and some men, oh, when you smile at them, they might think you were coming onto them.

However, I feel that a simple courtesy like this and a smile really made all the difference.
I never did doubt that there are a lot of nice and good people out in the world, in fact, I still believe that there is still good in the world despite all the evil we have seen.

Call me naive, but I still believe that even within the evil hearts, there lies a streak of good.

I still go around smiling at people; not too much at some guys (trust my own instincts) and sometimes I give way or hold the door open for people, and I always tell people to have a nice day.
Am I being too insanely perfect? I don't think so, try doing that and trust me, the world will definitely become a much better place to live in =)

Have a GREAT DAY today =)

I pray

I pray, for everyone, and for the peace of the world
May there be no more war and fighting
No more dying or suffering
No more discrimination or hatred

I pray, for the people around me, my loved ones
May there be peace and harmony
May love continue to nestle amongst us
No more anger or dispute
May there be forgiveness and compassion

I pray, for people whom I work with
May there be respect and understanding with each other
Keep judgments at bay and there will no harming of others
May there be no jealousy or despite

I pray, for my closest family members; my aged parents, uncles and aunts
May they be in their best of health
May they continue to be blessed with happiness and content

I pray, for my frail grandmother
May she find peace within herself and trust the divine presence of God
May she find the strength and power to fight her way back to health

I pray, for people who dislike me, or misunderstood me
May they find peace within themselves
May they be happy with their lives
May they be blessed with things that they do

I pray, for people I may have offended or neglected
May time heal the broken bridge
May they find in their heart to forgive

I truly pray, for everyone

I pray for myself,
that I may be a better person
a better daughter
a better niece
a better cousin
a better sister
a better friend
a better colleague
and most important of all, a better disciple of God

I pray, whenever I want to
I pray whenever I need to
I pray, whenever I want to talk to someone
God is always listening, I know

Live to be happy, not to please

I wonder what suddenly spurred me to write something like this, but something kind of hit me yesterday and I realized that it is time I stop to think about it.

I have always been described by friends as someone who is always striving to be perfect and I am indeed, a perfectonist myself.
Friends also told me that I am a little uptight and that I should learn to let loose once in a while; and that I should try to let my hair down.
Maybe that's true also, as I am very intent to do things the right way and to get things right.

People may think that I have been pressured by my parents to do something like that; to achieve good grades to meet my parents' hopes and expectations which is quite wrong, really.
I have lived my life living to meet my OWN expectations; I set them and I live by them.
My parents even told me to relax once in a while and don't force myself to the edge.

I have always been achieving things and it makes me feel that I could really do everything that I want. Sometimes, I wonder whether I did choose paths that I myself REALLY want.

Funny, that I dared myself to make this revelation, but really, I just feel suffocated sometimes doing things that I don't really enjoy and asking myself why am I doing this in the first place.
Is it really my own interest?
Is it my parents' expectations?
Is it to fulfill peer pressure?
Is it to please/appease relatives and friends?

I don't think I am doing this to appease others or to meet mere peer pressure, but I do think that sometimes I do weigh myself in public eyes; which is quite a daunting task as well.

What do I really want to do?
What were/are my dreams?

I had huge ambitions since I was young, and the following were those few:

I used to dream of becoming a doctor, not because of the glamour or the pay or to make my parents feel proud (it's not cheap becoming a doctor anyway).
You may feel I am making this up, but I am not...I wanted to be a doctor because I really wanted to help people; to lessen their suffering and to save lives.
At some point or another, I had questions coming from my dad, "Are you sure you can perform surgery on another? You need to cut through the skin you know"
Somehow I don't remember myself being a scaredy cat at that point and I confidently told him, "No matter how scary, all I need to focus on is how I could save a life if I do it correctly"
Then there were questions on whether I could withstand the long or unworldly hours of working as a doctor. It could mean no vacation at all or constantly disrupted sleep (beauty sleep, what's that?)
I focused myself and told myself that I want to save lives and if sacrificing my own leisure, I could save lives, maybe this was what I was meant to do.

Too big of a dream?
Was I even realistic or just a dreamer?

Anyway, maybe I was dreaming big as a kid, but I was glad that my family stood by me and supported all my decisions.
Perhaps they knew that kids always have their ambitions, and they will grow out of it eventually.

I don't think I grew out of it; I just let God decide for me, and somehow I was none of the above, LOL.

However, there is one love that never died in me, there was one ambition which I never mentioned, a secret one which I still live for until today.

I love to write, I wanted to be a journalist or someone who just writes; like a novelist as well. This is something which I've never given up on because it is something I enjoy so much and I find power in my articles or pieces that I write.
It is something which gives me passion, which is why I started all these blogs.
I love doing stuffs for my blogs; taking photos, editing them, compiling and writing and publishing them. No matter how tired I am, if I was working on my blog, I could lose track of time.

People all around me told me to just pursue this dream, to make it big because they believed that I can, and I will someday =)
I thank each and everyone for their great support and encouragement, because I know I can too.

I feel that everyone should truly something they really like, to be happy, and not to please your parents, or that bank account =)

Life is truly short, and we really should enjoy it and appreciate things and people (Loved ones) around us =)
Maybe that was really the reason which ignited me to write about all these used-to-be-my-dreams....looking back, I do really dream big huh? ;)

Sleepless nights

For the past few nights, I have been having trouble sleeping, I don't know why.
I barely could sleep soundly and I kept waking up throughout the entire night.

It all started on one night when the rain poured so heavily and there was thunder and lightning and I could hear them so loudly.
I have never been one to be afraid of these; remember how much I love rain?

However, this was one different scenario, it was a huge thunderstorm and I was awakened by the whole drama at about 3.30a.m.
I didn't really want to glance at the clock; but it was right in front of me, and yeah, when I saw it, I was a little uneasy.
I was never much of a superstitious person really, but I have a pretty good memory and I remembered this horror movie, 'Exorcism of Emily Rose' which kinda haunted the whole idea of the 3am/3.30am as being the unholy hour.

Anyway, I lay in bed listening to the rain and found myself having a hard time to get back to sleep.
I started praying; Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, and a prayer to Jesus, all to myself.

Then I went back to sleep, trying to sleep on one side.

I am not sure whether it was in a dream or what, but when I tried to toss to the other side, I found that I seemed to have frozen, or medically speaking, sudden paralysis.
I couldn't speak as well, and I just felt that I could not move.

I prayed again, with fierce strength and will in my mind, saying that I have the mighty Lord as my protector and master and that I will be strong.

I guess it was my subconscious mind speaking, as I could barely remember and then I could suddenly turn again.

I do not want to figure out this scientifically nor in the spooky way (after all, what is one to think about, furthermore in this Chinese ghost month?), but I am always comforted by the prayers and knowing that God's presence is always near.
Anyway, I chose not to dwell onto it as a whole supernatural thing, as I could probably be dreaming and the most important thing is, I am wearing a crucifix around my neck; a blessed crucifix no less.

Whatever it is, I am not taking my chances, and I have my bible and rosary and of course, Jesus with me...Amen

There is always a reason~

Whenever I am feeling blue or upset or depressed over things in life, I pray.

Yeah, I do, as I always pray.

I pray to God not only in times of trouble, but throughout the whole day.
Now, I wouldn't call myself a saint or super holy specimen of a Catholic but i see God not as just a superior being.
Sometimes I see HIM as a confidante, a friend, a shoulder I can cry on (since I never let myself cry in public or in front of others)

When I feel happy, I whisper to God and thank him for the things HE had done to make me happy.
When I feel sad, I just say quietly and ask that HE make me stronger and please guide me.
When I feel angry/upset, I pray for strength and peace so that I will not let the deadly sin conquer me

When I feel I have done something wrong, I pray and beg for his forgiveness.
When I am lost or confused, I ask for guidance and to show me light
When I am scared or afraid, I pray for HIS ever mighty presence beside me
When I am all alone, well, I just know that I am never alone because HE will always be there to watch out for me

So, yeah, I don't see praying as praying sometimes, because it became something like a daily conversation with GOD/Jesus.

I attended mass in the Immaculate Conception Church on Sunday and I was really enjoying myself listening to Father Marshall's sermon about prayers.

He was telling us about people praying to GOD for all sorts of stuffs and at the same time, they blamed God when things did not turn out the way they intended.

It was really funny, and I am going to write a full-length post on this in my other blog (My thoughts and My Words)
I promise this, and I will not lie on stuffs related to GOD (*Winks*)

Well, a gist of the sermon relates to how people pray and yet think God was not answering their prayers.
A lot of people didn't realize that GOD do answer prayers, even though they say they do believe, they don't, really.

I do though, as I see it in different ways.

The reason people don't believe their prayers were answered was because it was not directly related nor written big on the ground that that was the answer to their prayers.

However, I, on the other hand, just trust GOD answers, and I see it in all the little things which happen every day or every single waking minute.

HE works his ways differently and sometimes it feels like you have to figure out the answer from a riddle.

In this case, that was one of the reason I feel that there is a reason for every thing which happened, be it a good or a bad thing.

GOD is also busy and when HE answers our prayers, HE has to make his way felt, and to make you realize from the impact (hence sometimes bad things or things which make us sad happen, or that's what I think)

I am recently doing a lot of thinking and there were lots of things in life which kinda make me feel that I am not doing enough.
Okay, maybe there were a few direct incidents which made me feel upset or affected, and I was just trying to figure out what I should do about things which are happening.

I felt a little hurt over something and then I realized, hey, maybe it was MY fault to begin with.

I had to do certain things to set it right, and I am guessing GOD made things like these happen to remind me of it.

So, in case you're skeptical or doubtful of God's answering powers, and blame GOD for things which you didn't want to happen, well, just be reminded that there is ALWAYS a reason....

I believe..

Am I on the way?

I was kinda having a little of a meltdown and was trying to figure out my whole life.
I am not going to talk about it here, but let's just say it's not pretty and I am figuring it all out currently.

I missed people around me; people whom I can talk to and can trust (I guess I say that a lot)

Funny thing is, when I was going through things that I claimed I did not know and what I want to do, and all of a sudden, I hear myself talking and describing all the things that I really wanted to do.
It's funny that I feel like I don't know what I want to do, and then, voila, I could describe them, which means only one thing, that I do know what I want to do!

Then why am I not doing anything about it yet?
I need to re-configure everything and I need to sort it all out!

I need my LIFE....and I just want it to be perfect...yeah, and people tell me that I need to learn to let go.
I am freaking out, I have so much to do, I am so way behind at the moment!!!! *screams*

Confused and

I think I am feeling very confused, upset and a little miserable right at this moment.
I have had a bad dream two nights ago, and then I heard a piece of bad news which kinda confirmed the meaning of the dream and now I found out about something which clearly disturbed my peace of mind.
To add to that whole rubble, I had to be feeling guilty about something which I am not sure whether I have done it wrong or right.

I don't know, I think all the above kinda brings me guilt; a subconscious feeling which nagged and tugged at my heart and conscience and I just feel bothered.

I tried going shopping, you know what they say about retail therapy when you are feeling blue and I was even trying to go for a mani/pedi and guess what, when I was there, I just felt no better and in fact, I stayed there only for half an hour and I turned on my heels and left.
Funny how things turned out and I just feel depressed.

I don't know, I feel uncomfortable when I feel people don't like me or are deliberately keeping away from me.
Perhaps I have done something wrong, and these are people who I know and in the family.

I am just bothered by everything and I know people call me a worry wart or paranoid girl but I don't know, perhaps it had something to do with all these?

I used to be really good in keeping contact with people and keeping hold of things together but I think I am kind of slacked in this department.

I am really lousy in keeping in touch with people around me; friends, relatives, whoever and I just feel that it is really not good of me to be like that.

I'd always like to think of myself as a good person; someone who does not hurt or harm other people or have any ill intentions towards anyone.
I don't mean to be mean or judgmental towards anyone since I knew how to talk or walk even.

I stand firm to my own beliefs and things that I know are wrong or right and I never make any wrong judgment, despite being told what to do or not by people more senior than me; anywhere, including my own parents.

Of course, I am not perfect, I am still susceptible to mistakes and small things in life and I do understand that I cannot have everyone liking me or agreeing with me and I am just normal.

Somehow it still makes me feel upset when I know people do not like me...it's just weird.

Maybe it was karma or a vicious cycle, I can't expect everyone to treat me like a real princess, even so, it is not sincere right?

I still feel sad when there are people who think that I am not nice or a bad person...

I worry too much?
I am writing so much about my emotions and I still haven't gotten to it because I am not comfortable talking about it in public or at least, just yet.

I like to keep things bottled up, and this issue, really made revert back to that...

Am I really paranoid?