The best people in the world

During the months of frustration and stress which I went through (and still going through), I was constantly on a high mode of restlessness and also agitation.

It was hard to calm down and feel relaxed.

At work, people tend to come across my mind as pretentious and also insincere and I end up not knowing who to trust or whom I can talk to, at least (not as in a confidante), but just simply sharing a light banter without worrying about what people will say or use in return against myself.
It is really hard to be constantly wearing an armor against everyone else; it's like being constantly on a battlefield! (reminds me of Jordin Sparks' Battlefield)

The only people I know who would not betray or harm me are those closest to me; especially my family.

They were the only ones who would always be there even when the whole world turns against me or wants to bring me down; without any questions asked.
I am really thankful for their silent support and for their constant motivation.

It got me thinking, sometimes we tend to hurt people we love when we are hurt by others.
It is just so cruel.

Think of it this way, when others hurt us, we feel really upset and angry and yet, we do not react.
But when our family voice a word or two out of concern, we pounce onto them like they were our real enemies.

The worst kind of harm/hurt is not inflicted by others/strangers, but by people whom we love and care for the most.

Sometimes, we are just too blinded by materials out there that we tend to neglect this fact as we try to maintain a good and healthy image in front of others.

I really thank my whole family for their love and caring support during my times of turbulence which is continuous; but with their steadfast love and concern for me, I will not feel depressed or demotivated anymore.

They are truly the BEST people in the world, or at least and especially to me! =)

My (worrying) recurring ergo problem

I am in town; for my short (making it very short) business trip...as I have posted in my Angelstar blog.

Anyway, I woke up this morning, with the bugging slow burning sensation in my right hand.
I know that feeling; it is that recurring ache on my palm and hand...due to the ergonomical problem

It is also caused by repetitive stress on the hand due to long usage of computers or machines which could lead to a permanent injury.
If it gets serious, there would be a need for surgery as the repetitive stress injury (RSI) could lead to the more threatening Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS)

I am worried and my escalating worry has every reason to be concerned as recently, one of my aunts has just undergone a surgery on her right hand as well; for CTS.
She is not even in IT field (more common)!

It's time to relax those muscles again....I hope I don't have to take a break from blogging just yet as I am really getting back into my blogging routine...and mood!!

I pray I recover soon...

Casablanca just keeps going...

This song keeps playing on my mind since I heard it the other day

It just keeps going and going on my mind; not that I mind it since I personally love this song too and the movie, oh gosh, one of the most memorable ones and who could forget Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman ^-^




I fell in love with you watching Casablanca
Back row of the drive in show in the flickering light
Popcorn and cokes beneath the stars became champagne and caviar
Making love on a long hot summers night

I thought you fell in love with me watching Casablance
Holding hands 'neath the paddle fans in Rick's Candle lit cafe
Hiding in the shadows from the spies. Moroccan moonlight in your eyes
Making magic at the movies in my old chevrolet

Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh
Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by

I guess there're many broken hearts in Casablanca
You know I've never really been there. so, I don't know
I guess our love story will never be seen on the big wide silver screen
But it hurt just as bad when I had to watch you go

Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh
Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by
Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh

Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by
I love you more and more each day as time goes by


Casablanca~~

Burning out...

Stressed these days and I think I am on the verge of burning out soon

Oh no, seems like my days in history are repeating itself again.
Life's been crazy since the start of this year; trying to avoid the topic of superstition but looks to me that this year didn't exactly start off that good for me, sadly.

I had a few mishaps and injuries; which left bruises and abrasion traces on my knees and hands, and then I choked on my food/drink, and I had serious food poisoning and gastric problems, body aches, headaches and even allergies.
Gosh, everything is just wrong and to add to the whole picture, I even had a minor accident during CNY.

Great way to start my year...

Work's been really busy, and added responsibilities always come with a cost
It's nice to be recognized by the bosses on what you are doing and yet, when the recognition comes with additional pressure and expectations, that is another matter.

I am always geared up for challenges, and I push myself to compete against...myself but I do realize that when we go in fast mode all the time, we will eventually burn ourselves out and that's not that desirable.

I want to take a seat back and relax but unfortunately, things and time do not allow me to do that.

I am slowly burning myself out....sighs, time to do something happy and motivate myself! =)
Another thing I've noticed, stress does have an effect on our skin and the way we look!

Time for wedding bells?

I have just received yet another wedding invitation card; coming from one of my old girl friend whom I have known all the way from primary school
There were six of us in the group; all pretty close to each other.

We were really attached to each other; though sometimes I don't feel it was that intimate of a bond but yet, we stuck with each other until today

We used to talk about which one in the group would get married first and who would be the last and the talk always come to this girl as she had met her boyfriend in Standard Six (same class with us) and they have been with each other since

It was really sweet that their love was just so strong and we were all genuinely happy for her

Fast forward to today and she was not the first to get married though
Two of the other girl friends in the group had gotten married; one married the year before, one last year and she will be marrying next month

As I have said, don't you just have to believe in fate/destiny?
Typically the ones you least expect will be the ones who give you the unexpected in return

The first to get married in the group?
She was the quietest and innocent, and we don't recall her being close to any guy in school even and now she is married to someone out of league (I mean, really OUT of our league but I will not get into the details here as this is her privacy)

Now there are three who have already gotten married and there are only three left; well, accurately 50% of the group who are still single and unmarried

That is not the only thing, I have been receiving endless counts of wedding invitations since two years ago, with last year being the highest in record

I guess it is about time for people my age to settle down at this age?
Not succumbing to peer pressure, I try to let this slip past my mind when I hear questions being bombarded my way about my own wedding day as well
Hahaha.....I guess, I will just leave it to time and destiny...

Things like these cannot be rushed, after all, it involves our lifetime happiness!

Mass marriages among my peers do not mean I should just join in the crowd and get myself a marriage certificate immediately
The time will come when it comes...or when the proposal comes...LOL

My best wishes to all those who are getting married, I have always believed in the sacred and beautiful union which ties and bind two people in love with each other

Wedding bells ring again....this will be a very busy year....
Don't ask me when's my turn again yeah....it will come when it comes... =)

Listening to a love song~

All of a sudden, I just wanted to listen to a love song....
A lovely and slow song, and the track from Boyzone somehow just came to my mind..

Everyday I love you...

I don't know but I believe
That some things were meant to be

It is true, a lot of things are just meant to be
We cannot force things against nature

I just love the soothing sound of this song...

Retreat?

I wanna go for a retreat; I have spotted one organized for the church youths in Malaysia and I really want to go for it.
Thing is, I don't even know whether my schedule will fit or whether there is any business trip at that time.

Things have been crazy and all my trips can be so last minute!!

Recently, there were a lot of things on my mind and also on my chest; where it's a challenge to even catch a breath.
I know life's like that, we have to be ready for the good times, the bad times and also, the busy times.

There are things that are really not favourable in my work, and I am facing tremendous stress from it despite being comforted by everyone (including my boss) that it's okay, and that I don't have to worry a thing about it.
Unfortunately, I just can't get it off my mind, perhaps I just do not like perfection (that's so me)

It bothers me to no end, but I am not entirely de-motivated from the things that I am doing right.
I guess this is just my "low-tide" period, and I have to be brave to face it.

Somehow, I know that this is not something that I should allow to kill me, but to make me a better, smarter and stronger person.
That is how we all learn since toddler stage, right?

I am always a very positive and optimistic person, and I really believe this will all go away, with clear skies in the end.

Well, I wanna go for a retreat and also to relax and to learn to unwind myself and let go of things around me.
Finding solace in God's presence is always comforting for me...I am not running away from matters, but I would like more solitary time...

Sometimes, that's all one would need...to retreat...

My panic attack...

Saturday was as usual lovely, for me, but last weekend, I was really frantic over a small incident which had me panicky and really upset.

I was in the car, on my way home after a simple dinner and I just brushed past my own neck and looked down at my crucifix pendant, that was hanging onto my necklace.
I was surprised when I noticed tha the clasp was loose on the necklace and the pendant just fell into my hand.

This has never happened before, I thought to myself.
I brushed off all funny thoughts that may start to creep into my imaginative mind and tried to string the pendant back into the necklace and fasten the clasp.
However, surprisingly, each time I tug the pendant back into place, it fell out again into my hand.

I was getting anxious and suddenly, the pendant fell out of my hand and dropped to the side of my seat.
(You know the narrow gap between the middle compartment and your seat; where you could see the cushion lining.
I could see the pendant there, gleaming brightly, since it was gold.

I put in my tiny fingers, all the while telling myself, keep calm, just take it easy.
The pendant slipped and sank in further into the cushion and I tried to use a thin card to push it out but to no avail, in fact, it sank even further!
Soon, the pendant was nowhere to be seen!

I was really panicky and totally lost it, I was really worried that it may have gotten stuck under the seat; or worse, crushed by the mechanism (metal piece) which moves our seat forward and backward.

It was a horrifying moment at that time as all sorts of thoughts raced through my mind and I was really afraid to lose that pendant.
This crucifix pendant was given by my mummy, it was a gift from my daddy to her and she gave it to me, seeing how much I loved it and I have been wearing it on my necklace ever since.
It is not easy to find a crucifix pendant these days and I just love wearing it.
Furthermore, I don't even take it off, not even for a moment unless when I am required to in certain conditions, but those are really rare occasions.

It took us close to an hour to located the crucifix pendant which had somehow slipped underneath the seat and was stuck between the seat and the carpet.

Words cannot describe that feeling I had when I saw the crucifix; undamaged and staring back at me in its golden shining self.
I was so happy and touched that I cried, happy tears were flowing down my cheeks.

I am always upset when it comes to losing my belongings; be it a cheap or expensive thing, a new or a long time possession.
Perhaps it is because of my personal and emotional attachment to each and every item which belongs to me, I just could not bear to imagine losing them at all.

Thank God that I could retrieve the crucifix, or else, I will probably go mad or something =P
Thank God Thank God!

Busy beeeee

I was as busy as a bee for the past week and I presume it will continue for some time.
It is a good and bad news at the same time as I will be totally breathless catching up with all the pace.

At the same time, I am looking forward to a hectic schedule of a meaningful working life and learning environment.
It sounds crazy and contradictory I know, but I just enjoy being busy, sometimes =)

That is why I cannot understand why people would try their best to avoid going to work by making up all sorts of excuses so that they don't have to go to work or do anything (example, a colleague of mine).
However, I can fully understand when someone experiences burnout period as I have gone through that same period before myself.

Perhaps it was my over-aggressive self when I first started working which pushed me beyond the limits and eventually, I felt tired when I was being pushed around.
Funny how initially, I was the one pushing myself out and when the bubble bursts, I start to despise how people would take advantage of me and push me around.
At one point, I was even tired of work.

Those were the days and now, as I am constantly rushing myself around and meeting all those expectations and deadlines, and I found myself praying that I won't get burnt out again as I was really worried with the pace and rate that I am going at the moment.
It is good to be busy but when we pushed ourselves too much, we could end up feeling fed up of it all, the neverending tidal waves.

Anyway, I am at the point of working myself but I will also ensure that my leisure activities keep up in my life to create that perfect balance =)

Blogging, photography, exercise, vacation (I do really need a break this year!!!),field trips, gatherings, books, and shopping...those would really help a lot....
So, see, how can I stay away from being busy? ;)

What a girl wants...

Every girl has their own wish lists of dreams that they wish would come true some day...of course, even guys do...

There are so many things that a girl would want, and all of a sudden I have this thought and just decided to jot some of mine down..

It seems to be the perfect day (it's Friday) to do so, and hope that we can sleep through these dreams.

A girl wants a lot of things, but let's not be greedy here and focus on what particularly do I have in mind which is probably a gist of the whole picture

1. Freedom to do whatever I want in life; inclusive of choosing the person I want to be, my own career path and my relationship status

2. The financial ability to buy our own stuffs and fund our own shopping (clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, and for me, BOOKS!)

3. A place we can call our own; our very own home and personal space and having that liberty to furnish/design it to our liking

4. To be respected as a woman and not often looked down as the weaker sex

5. To truly and madly be loved and in love with that one person who will think the world of you and not treat you like crap.

6. To find that Mr Right or dashing prince in a shining armour; your soul mate for life who trusts and loves you for who you are and is your most trusted best friend.

7. To have accomplished one great thing in life; for me, I would definitely want to make it in my writing. I just love writing! =)

8. To travel around the whole world; and to see the world through my very own eyes and be able to tell it to the next generation

9. To be able to help people who are out there who needs help wherever I can. It feels great when you know you can do something for someone else

10. To be spoilt and pampered at all times (now that's rather Brat-ty like, but it's nice, you know)

Those are probably the top 10 that every girl would want on their list; but that is my very own personal list and may differ from others since everyone is unique and have their own priorities.

Now, what else could I possibly want? *greed glimmers in eyes*

I am secretive, so what?

A lot of people have secrets; or should I say every single person on earth has their own secret.
Just because some of us prefer to keep more to ourselves does not mean we are violating any rules of mankind.

Yours truly is also a person who likes to keep to herself, and most of the things that revolve around me; my emotions, my thoughts, my views, my happiness and unhappiness, my discomfort, my achievements, my failures, whatever it is, I have the choice to keep it to myself.
Perhaps a different way of looking at it is I just choose not to blow things in or out of proportion or I just don't think it's a big deal.
I like to be personal; and not broadcast my life like some celebrity in Tinseltown.
I think I have the right to do that.

It is unfair to be judged or even called secretive just because I don't publicly announce how many furniture I bought from Ikea or how many books I got from the cheap warehouse sales, or even how many dresses are from the bazaar or Dorothy Perkins.
It is just my life, get it?

Yeah, I just had the urge to get this out here because there are people who unfairly accuse of being secretive of your own life and just get annoyed with you for the same reason.
I mean, hello, this is my life, and my decisions, what has that got to do with some of you?

I think some of us need to learn the definition of secrets and personal life and not mix it up with broadcasting or celebrity's publicity.
Even the celebrities do not deserve to be stripped off their right to maintain anonymity about their lives.

If I want to buy a car, so be it
If I want to buy a house, that's my money
If I want to buy loads of books and build my own library in my own house, it's up to ME
If I want to fly to Polaris and stay there for the rest of my life and not tell anyone beforehand (except my own family), that is my CHOICE

I just don't want to hear that I am not telling anyone of whatever decision I am making.
I choose who I want to tell, and whoever's not in the list, too bad, just get off my back and live your own life!

Life's Like That

Sometimes things come around
And they knock you down
When you get back up
And they knock you down, knock you down

I tend to agree with this lyrics which I have modified the words a little bit to describe life.
Things happen, when you are your most laid back point and when you think you can afford to slack a little
They come in a rush, hit you on the head and had you running with them in a race

When you get yourself up again, here they come again to punch you in the face and knock you down again
It's like a wave
It's like boxing
It's just life

Everytime when I think that the sea's just calm, then a tidal wave hits again

It is life, I know but sometimes you just wished that there are peaceful times all the way

I am referring to a recent incident at work; somehow it's always about work these days
I am getting worried that I am turning back into the workaholic I used to be
It is not good especially for my health
I just don't like it when everything revolves around work alone
I don't want to lose my life or losing the enjoyment or recreation that I enjoy, and in the process, lose my own identity.

I am tired of all the Venetian masks around me, it's just so exhausting to have to pretend like you don't know they're acting
It is revolting

However, I have come to accept that Life's like that; it is never a bed full of roses, and what we can do to control it?

Imagine it is a bed of roses if you want; but just look at it with care, as roses have thorns too and to enjoy roses, we have to accept that they come with thorns.
Being careful and alert will help us to enjoy the scent and beauty of roses; and without scratching our own fingers/skin too much!

My Birthday 2010..in a gist

I just realized I have probably not blogged about my birthday this year yet.
I guess I have been bogged down by too many things that I need to backtrack.
After all, I have lost touch with my blogs for a while and believe it or not, I still have a long list of to-dos for my blogs.
(so many unpublished posts for my blogs!)

Well, somehow I felt it was rather uneventful this year (no offense to the people who have celebrated with me)
I just didn't feel that excited as previous years; I don't know why.
I was still happy and looking forward to it so much but yet at the same time, when the day came, I was just like, "Happy Birthday to myself"
Perhaps it's work, lifestyle, or stress or maybe the fact that as I grow older, I start to lose interest in celebrating my own birthday?
(I hope that last bit is not true because I still love my birthday very much; I know, I am self-centered/focused and I love myself)

My Dear, as usual, is always the busiest person around when it comes to my birthday. Starting from my birthday eve; which coincidentally was a Saturday this year, I had the treat to a seafood buffet at the newly opened Eastin Hotel in Penang (I will share the post on the food fiesta in my food blog =)
Anyway, the marvellous food spread led me to develop slight allergies 2 hours after dinner; but thank God, it was just a mild case and after antihistamines, I got it off =)

The next morning; the morning of my birthday, as usual, I always like to capture the early morning sun.

It is after all, a brand new day!! (A little tagline which I have adopted from Chicken Little; somehow I just love the sound of this optimistic line)

I was taken for a ride; and guess what, I was really lucky...really, it must have been my lucky day to have chanced upon a row of SPORTS cars!!!
I thought it was just my imagination or probably there was a road show or something as these cars were just parked right outside the 5-star hotel but no, they were really there and they belong to the guests of the hotel.




My favorite sports car was there; and not just one, it was a total of 4-5 of them! Each with their different design and style and even convertible version!


I saw a few other types of sports cars which are so rare not just in my country but in other countries as well.

Well, being the blogger/writer/photographer enthusiast as me (call it whatever you like), I could not resist to take photos of these beautiful babies and with them!


It felt like a dream come true; and the best part was, this was definitely not planned!
These babies are really beautiful!

My dream car =)


The morning encounter with these cars really lighted up my day; and the folks were really friendly people too; allowing people to admire and to snap photos of their cars.
Well, as the car jockey (whom we had a quick banter with) said, these are definitely for parading and not for parking indoors =)

I felt like Luck was definitely in place and that my Birthday luck was shining alright!
I saw these cars like 2-3 times on the island that day as they drove in a crowd.

Alrighty, what's birthday without a cake, even when yours truly is seriously not a fan of sweet stuffs (yeah, I may be the only girl on the planet who doesn't like sweet stuffs)

I don't mind birthday cakes; especially my own birthday as I find them symbolic and reminds you that you're having a birthday, how silly, right?
Laugh all you like, but that's me at my unique self (or contradictory self)

My birthday cake *proud*

(though it turned out to taste awful...ughs)

Happy Birthday to me!!~

Thanks to all my friends who have remembered my birthday and have wished me through text messages, emails, Facebook messages, phone calls, cards, etc.
A BIG hug for you and I am truly touched for your sweet thoughts of me on my favorite day =)

Special thanks to my beloved friends/sisters in Penang who have thrown me a surprise birthday party and Amy even specially baked me a cake and took care of my eating habits and went easy on the ingredients! I'm sure she had a hard time baking a cake like this! Many many hugs Amy, you're the best!!!~

Cheers for many more great times and may what I wished for come true =D

Dream about a Baby??

I had a very weird and yet, I would say, adorable dream!

I dreamt that I was holding a very tiny baby in my hands; and I think it was definitely a baby boy.
He was really cute; and was just so tiny in comparison to my arms.
He had such round and beautiful eyes and he was just pretty active when I was holding him.

One unique thing about this baby though; was that his head kept tilting backwards and I remembered feeling nervous and anxious the whole way as I struggled to keep his head intact.
I think I was taking care of him or something because he seemed to be with me the whole time.

Someone made a bottle of milk and passed it to me, and the minute I stuck it into the baby's mouth, he was drinking it so fast!
Poor baby, he must be starving.

Another cute thing is, I don't recall him crying at all.
He just smiled and only kept tilting his head back (it got annoying at a point though)
I was handling him with extra care and surprisingly, I didn't even ask for help!~

Hmmmm....somehow the baby does look familiar...

My grand white dream

A childhood dream this is; to someday have a grand white piano sitting on a white patio

I have always been awestruck by the magnificent view of this music instrument which always seem to make me feel calm and peaceful when I look at it.
I don't know, whenever I walk near a piano, somehow, I would often be overwhelmed by a strong sense of familiarity and nostalgia.

Something about past life, maybe, some would offer their explanation for this strong emotion felt.

Whether it is karma or not, I have always loved the sight of the grand white piano, and how I would love to place my fingers upon it and play a song.
Richard Clayderman I am definitely not; but I would still love to be able to relax and calm myself down with the soft serenade from this white instrument which is just alluring and calming.

Working Late..

Back to work after CNY and I've expected myself to get real busy; with all the projects and assignments coming in.

Little did I expect myself to fall sick and see all hell breaks loose.
I don't understand how sometimes being sick could disrupt all the work; it feels like it is a solo performance.

Tired, I know and yet, I have to go on.

Yesterday, I am back to work after 2 days of MC where I could barely get up from the bed and already, I am running all over the places (in and out of the office) to get things done.
I felt faint intermittently; furthermore with the hot and humid weather and I was rushing from meetings to meetings.

I was on the verge of collapsing when I got off work; which was pretty late last night and to top it all off, I was stuck in a bad traffic jam when I left the last meeting place.

Tired, exhausted when I reach my place...

Sometimes I wonder, why do I like being busy?
Today is bound to be another working-late-day....