My thoughts on marriage...

"When are you getting married?"

It seems like wedding bells are ringing all over the places; and if you have read in my Angelstar blog, my latest post is also about the topic of marriage.
Well, it is a question that most of us should be or are already thinking about at our age.
(We are not that old though, mind you)

It is a question that all of us are passing around when we hear of yet another announcement by our close friends, relatives and peers, and sometimes, our own parents.

I guess, it is a sign that our biological clocks are ticking away, and unfairly, we, the fairer sex seems to suffer the consequences from the ticking of the clocks; if not the speed of how our clock is compared to the male gender.

Conservatively speaking, sometimes I am sure some of us have even gotten the remarks that we should have been parents at this age and then we had to bear another hour of lecture whereby the elders launch into their stories of how young they have gotten married and had children.

Oh well, I guess we need to live with that, but contemporarily speaking, it is after all, the new age of technology and modernization and it is so advanced these days that some do not even need to get married to have children with all the in-vitro fertilization, etc.

Of course, I am not thinking along these lines nor am I swearing off marriages, love relationships.
It is just that, I do not like to be pushed or pressured into doing something.

It is my relationship and my marriage, why do I have to please others and their desires?
I think I have already pleased people most of the time and I think I deserve to be given a chance to do whatever I please in my own relationship and matters pertaining my own marriage.

I have listed out most of my thoughts about marriage in general in my Angelstar blog (go read it if you haven't as this is more like a sequel to it, not promoting my other blog =P )

Here, I am going to go to a more personal depth and share my own thoughts about how I would perceive my own marriage.

To me, marriage is not just finding a Mr Right; but rather a soul mate.
I know, the word soul mate sounds rather subjective, but in short, my partner needs to be my best friend before we proceed any further.

It does not sound that complicated, right?

After all, marriage is all about being with your soul mates; and if you can't understand or know each other at all, you are just merely two acquaintances involved in a sexual relationship rather than a marriage.

I do not perceive my marriage as that way; I want a fulfilling and truly happy relationship.
He must know me well; he must be my best friend and will always understand why I make certain decisions without me having to explain it to him.
He must trust me; that even if it involves huge wrong doings, he will not question me.
(Of course, unless I decide to murder him in his sleep, that's a different question but if he knows me well enough, that won't ever cross his mind, trust me=)

I don't just want a marriage, I want a real relationship.
One where we both know each other very well; and not just label each other as "This is my boyfriend/girlfriend"

I can't just accept someone who likes me at first sight or claims that they are deeply in love with me before I even know them!
It's ridiculous, maybe because I want to know someone or they should know me before we talk about even a relationship.
Otherwise, to me, that's just acquaintances.

It's like a friendly relationship; yes, even friends can have a relationship.
I have a really close relationship with my best friend (bestie) and some of my good friends. Relationship does not necessarily mean you must be holding hands and belong to each other.

That comes to the next part, marriage is when I feel that we belong together; we are meant for each other...and all these fit in because we were already best friends and we have already known each other's perks and quirks.

Too complicated?

Perhaps this is the way I think. I want to do the same thing for my partner, I don't want him to be the only one who does what I want him to do or who I want him to be.
No, I can't and I won't try to change a person and that goes the same for everyone.

We all come from different backgrounds and upbringing; which makes each and every one of us unique. If we fall in love with a person and then find that we are not comfortable with his/her behavior and try to comment about it, then well, we need to go back to the origin; where we actually only fell in love with his looks or physical appearance.
I know it's not easy, I am not perfect either when it comes to matters like these.

I have read this somewhere once; that we should choose someone (for a life partner or a partner) who makes us smile or laugh.
We should choose someone who will not make us frown and (Definitely) not cry.

When I look at it from my angle, in short, it's someone who just makes us happy.
It is the same thing that I have thought as well, that I want to be with him because I want to, not because I have to.

Someone whom we look forward to see, and not worry anxiously about how to please him/her
Someone we are just comfortable with, who knows when we are in good/bad mood and how to act about it
Someone who just puts a smile on my face when I am with him, about to see him or even when I am not with him (you know, just thinking of that person makes you smile or melts your heart)

These are the fundamental things that apply to a positive relationship which can lead to the important phase of marriage.

Another thing which is important is, in times of trouble, who is the one who comes to your mind first?
Put it the other way as well, when you are happy or have great news, who comes to your mind first?

It is these little things that make you realize the importance of one to you.
When you pick up the phone when you want to talk, who do you feel like texting or calling?

When you are not with each other, do you think of that person a lot??
Do you miss their company?
Do you wonder about what they are doing at certain times of the day or the week?
(I know, I am starting to sound like some lyrics from a love song or a radio deejay on those Dear Abbey talk shows)

In reality, you may think these are mushy, but you will be surprised at how relevant and how true this applies to the relationships.

Yeah, if you are wondering where's my thoughts on marriage, well, these are all it...why are we getting married?
These are the questions and elements that would make me think of marriage.
After all, marriage is about spending my lifetime (or at least the rest of my life from the point I say "I Do") with that man.

It is not mushy anymore; when you think about it but rather, these are critical and reality to determine whether you are really comfortable or do you really love that person as much as you thought that you want to be with them forever and that is final; no change.
(Yeah, you can still oogle your eyes at pretty and hot chicks half her age or for the girls, drool over how hunky or suave a guy looks, but in the end, you still love that wrinkled woman in the kitchen or that big belly man in his couch; ouch, I felt that picture is kinda going into the overly descriptive or dramatic mode =)

My bottomline is that I must think of all the answers to those questions and in fact, there's more to think about...
Do I worry when I hear he's in trouble/sad?
Do I cry when he cries and laughs when he laughs? Do I want to make him laugh as well?
Do you think that same way too?
Do you want to be there when he/she's sad or worry anxiously when you are so far away and you want to be next to him/her immediately? (You would book the next immediate flight if you could?)

I do believe that when the right time or the Right person comes along, nothing matters anymore...and everything seems to fit into place...

Well, I guess that's why they say, Love is Blind...and sometimes, you can't be too practical about love.
After all, what is the true definition of love?
Nobody has the actual answer...it is an interpretation to be done by the person in love =)

So, ready for marriage? I shall leave the question to answer by itself someday... *smiles*