Letting go...

I've recently gone into a calm and different phase in my life and my thoughts.
I have a good memory of things that had happened in the past; incidents which involved me or affected me, happy or unhappy, and somehow all these came to my mind of late.

Well, it's funny how I see it differently compared to when I was in the situation itself, and some unhappy incidents? I could even smile at it and thought how silly of me to have reacted that way at that time.

Those were the little things; and some had a more serious effect which I still felt bothered by it, although not so much anymore.
Funnily though, I was even thinking of how to mend certain issues.

I may not be in the wrong, mind you, in those issues but somehow, I just wanted to do something about it.
It's like I woke up suddenly and decide, "Hey, if people are going to stay mad or hate me, at least I did something about it first before letting it rot to that extent, right?"

Well, perhaps I am not going to get any response or maybe I could end up getting a hate mail.
Either way, I still have nothing to lose.

I don't know why, perhaps I am a person who just hate to have grudges or even hatred; I could not hate someone (unless if it's like a really huge crime).
It bothers me if I have, in, any way, caused people to hate me at one point or another as well.
Call me weird, but maybe it's just me.

I am referring to an old-time issue; something which happened at work...some time ago where there were two co-workers whom I was involved in a conflict or something of that sort.
I know they probably detest me; even though I never wanted to harm them, but probably my unintended actions had directly or indirectly hurt them that they found fault with me.

It's been so many years now and we are no longer keeping in touch; it is not wonder, isn't it?
People around me are telling me to let it go, forget about it, they are not worth my time and efforts anymore.
It is no longer an issue for me to bother with.

However, I am not one for letting go or giving up easily and apparently, having a good memory is also a burden sometimes.

Some things just cannot be wiped out from my memory, and this is something which used to bother me terribly as I felt it was distressing that someone actually dislikes or even hates me.

I know there is nothing I can do about it; I can't alter one's mind or perception towards me, but I do want to try to do something about it now.

Some may just call me plain stupid for venturing into a lion's lair; asking for abuses to be hurled at myself but I just wanted it to have a right end to it.
You know, if they hate me, well, I just want to tell them sorry.
I just wanted to apologize if I have ever hurt them in any way that I've not imagined and that I never meant it that way.

Of course, what they choose to do with my apology is entirely up to them as there is no way I can control their minds nor their actions.
At least, I am assured that I have indeed done my part and that I have ended it with a mini effort to mend it.

If it remains broken, at least there is no regret that I've not done anything about it.

Perhaps this is part of my way of dealing with incidents of the past; letting go of my own emotions and having a hand in it at least once.

Or perhaps, you can call this maturity? =)