My thoughts on marriage...

"When are you getting married?"

It seems like wedding bells are ringing all over the places; and if you have read in my Angelstar blog, my latest post is also about the topic of marriage.
Well, it is a question that most of us should be or are already thinking about at our age.
(We are not that old though, mind you)

It is a question that all of us are passing around when we hear of yet another announcement by our close friends, relatives and peers, and sometimes, our own parents.

I guess, it is a sign that our biological clocks are ticking away, and unfairly, we, the fairer sex seems to suffer the consequences from the ticking of the clocks; if not the speed of how our clock is compared to the male gender.

Conservatively speaking, sometimes I am sure some of us have even gotten the remarks that we should have been parents at this age and then we had to bear another hour of lecture whereby the elders launch into their stories of how young they have gotten married and had children.

Oh well, I guess we need to live with that, but contemporarily speaking, it is after all, the new age of technology and modernization and it is so advanced these days that some do not even need to get married to have children with all the in-vitro fertilization, etc.

Of course, I am not thinking along these lines nor am I swearing off marriages, love relationships.
It is just that, I do not like to be pushed or pressured into doing something.

It is my relationship and my marriage, why do I have to please others and their desires?
I think I have already pleased people most of the time and I think I deserve to be given a chance to do whatever I please in my own relationship and matters pertaining my own marriage.

I have listed out most of my thoughts about marriage in general in my Angelstar blog (go read it if you haven't as this is more like a sequel to it, not promoting my other blog =P )

Here, I am going to go to a more personal depth and share my own thoughts about how I would perceive my own marriage.

To me, marriage is not just finding a Mr Right; but rather a soul mate.
I know, the word soul mate sounds rather subjective, but in short, my partner needs to be my best friend before we proceed any further.

It does not sound that complicated, right?

After all, marriage is all about being with your soul mates; and if you can't understand or know each other at all, you are just merely two acquaintances involved in a sexual relationship rather than a marriage.

I do not perceive my marriage as that way; I want a fulfilling and truly happy relationship.
He must know me well; he must be my best friend and will always understand why I make certain decisions without me having to explain it to him.
He must trust me; that even if it involves huge wrong doings, he will not question me.
(Of course, unless I decide to murder him in his sleep, that's a different question but if he knows me well enough, that won't ever cross his mind, trust me=)

I don't just want a marriage, I want a real relationship.
One where we both know each other very well; and not just label each other as "This is my boyfriend/girlfriend"

I can't just accept someone who likes me at first sight or claims that they are deeply in love with me before I even know them!
It's ridiculous, maybe because I want to know someone or they should know me before we talk about even a relationship.
Otherwise, to me, that's just acquaintances.

It's like a friendly relationship; yes, even friends can have a relationship.
I have a really close relationship with my best friend (bestie) and some of my good friends. Relationship does not necessarily mean you must be holding hands and belong to each other.

That comes to the next part, marriage is when I feel that we belong together; we are meant for each other...and all these fit in because we were already best friends and we have already known each other's perks and quirks.

Too complicated?

Perhaps this is the way I think. I want to do the same thing for my partner, I don't want him to be the only one who does what I want him to do or who I want him to be.
No, I can't and I won't try to change a person and that goes the same for everyone.

We all come from different backgrounds and upbringing; which makes each and every one of us unique. If we fall in love with a person and then find that we are not comfortable with his/her behavior and try to comment about it, then well, we need to go back to the origin; where we actually only fell in love with his looks or physical appearance.
I know it's not easy, I am not perfect either when it comes to matters like these.

I have read this somewhere once; that we should choose someone (for a life partner or a partner) who makes us smile or laugh.
We should choose someone who will not make us frown and (Definitely) not cry.

When I look at it from my angle, in short, it's someone who just makes us happy.
It is the same thing that I have thought as well, that I want to be with him because I want to, not because I have to.

Someone whom we look forward to see, and not worry anxiously about how to please him/her
Someone we are just comfortable with, who knows when we are in good/bad mood and how to act about it
Someone who just puts a smile on my face when I am with him, about to see him or even when I am not with him (you know, just thinking of that person makes you smile or melts your heart)

These are the fundamental things that apply to a positive relationship which can lead to the important phase of marriage.

Another thing which is important is, in times of trouble, who is the one who comes to your mind first?
Put it the other way as well, when you are happy or have great news, who comes to your mind first?

It is these little things that make you realize the importance of one to you.
When you pick up the phone when you want to talk, who do you feel like texting or calling?

When you are not with each other, do you think of that person a lot??
Do you miss their company?
Do you wonder about what they are doing at certain times of the day or the week?
(I know, I am starting to sound like some lyrics from a love song or a radio deejay on those Dear Abbey talk shows)

In reality, you may think these are mushy, but you will be surprised at how relevant and how true this applies to the relationships.

Yeah, if you are wondering where's my thoughts on marriage, well, these are all it...why are we getting married?
These are the questions and elements that would make me think of marriage.
After all, marriage is about spending my lifetime (or at least the rest of my life from the point I say "I Do") with that man.

It is not mushy anymore; when you think about it but rather, these are critical and reality to determine whether you are really comfortable or do you really love that person as much as you thought that you want to be with them forever and that is final; no change.
(Yeah, you can still oogle your eyes at pretty and hot chicks half her age or for the girls, drool over how hunky or suave a guy looks, but in the end, you still love that wrinkled woman in the kitchen or that big belly man in his couch; ouch, I felt that picture is kinda going into the overly descriptive or dramatic mode =)

My bottomline is that I must think of all the answers to those questions and in fact, there's more to think about...
Do I worry when I hear he's in trouble/sad?
Do I cry when he cries and laughs when he laughs? Do I want to make him laugh as well?
Do you think that same way too?
Do you want to be there when he/she's sad or worry anxiously when you are so far away and you want to be next to him/her immediately? (You would book the next immediate flight if you could?)

I do believe that when the right time or the Right person comes along, nothing matters anymore...and everything seems to fit into place...

Well, I guess that's why they say, Love is Blind...and sometimes, you can't be too practical about love.
After all, what is the true definition of love?
Nobody has the actual answer...it is an interpretation to be done by the person in love =)

So, ready for marriage? I shall leave the question to answer by itself someday... *smiles*

Letting go...

I've recently gone into a calm and different phase in my life and my thoughts.
I have a good memory of things that had happened in the past; incidents which involved me or affected me, happy or unhappy, and somehow all these came to my mind of late.

Well, it's funny how I see it differently compared to when I was in the situation itself, and some unhappy incidents? I could even smile at it and thought how silly of me to have reacted that way at that time.

Those were the little things; and some had a more serious effect which I still felt bothered by it, although not so much anymore.
Funnily though, I was even thinking of how to mend certain issues.

I may not be in the wrong, mind you, in those issues but somehow, I just wanted to do something about it.
It's like I woke up suddenly and decide, "Hey, if people are going to stay mad or hate me, at least I did something about it first before letting it rot to that extent, right?"

Well, perhaps I am not going to get any response or maybe I could end up getting a hate mail.
Either way, I still have nothing to lose.

I don't know why, perhaps I am a person who just hate to have grudges or even hatred; I could not hate someone (unless if it's like a really huge crime).
It bothers me if I have, in, any way, caused people to hate me at one point or another as well.
Call me weird, but maybe it's just me.

I am referring to an old-time issue; something which happened at work...some time ago where there were two co-workers whom I was involved in a conflict or something of that sort.
I know they probably detest me; even though I never wanted to harm them, but probably my unintended actions had directly or indirectly hurt them that they found fault with me.

It's been so many years now and we are no longer keeping in touch; it is not wonder, isn't it?
People around me are telling me to let it go, forget about it, they are not worth my time and efforts anymore.
It is no longer an issue for me to bother with.

However, I am not one for letting go or giving up easily and apparently, having a good memory is also a burden sometimes.

Some things just cannot be wiped out from my memory, and this is something which used to bother me terribly as I felt it was distressing that someone actually dislikes or even hates me.

I know there is nothing I can do about it; I can't alter one's mind or perception towards me, but I do want to try to do something about it now.

Some may just call me plain stupid for venturing into a lion's lair; asking for abuses to be hurled at myself but I just wanted it to have a right end to it.
You know, if they hate me, well, I just want to tell them sorry.
I just wanted to apologize if I have ever hurt them in any way that I've not imagined and that I never meant it that way.

Of course, what they choose to do with my apology is entirely up to them as there is no way I can control their minds nor their actions.
At least, I am assured that I have indeed done my part and that I have ended it with a mini effort to mend it.

If it remains broken, at least there is no regret that I've not done anything about it.

Perhaps this is part of my way of dealing with incidents of the past; letting go of my own emotions and having a hand in it at least once.

Or perhaps, you can call this maturity? =)

It sounds crazy...

I know it sounds crazy...but I do miss the times when I used to go to work really early

I remembered when I first started working, I actually go to work at about 5am and reach my office before 6am
(I could be earlier than the janitors sometimes, seriously!)

I am so early that I always get the first parking spot near to the entrance (you know Malaysian drivers-lar!)
I take my own sweet time and relax in the office; turning on my Outlook and also logging into my messenger as well.
Then the day begins, busy busy day where I will be attending meetings, working on my stuffs, preparing all the materials for meetings and presentations.

I will be working my way through until probably 5-5.30pm sometimes before I leave the office.
Of course, I do leave sometimes at 4.30pm as well.....it's a privilege when the boss tells you to leave due to my crazy working hours

I know, it really sounds crazy, as my boss used to put it as I work for more than 12 hours!

The craziest part, I actually did not feel angry or frustrated by the working hours and I don't even complain.
(By the way, it's not even the company's policy to start this early!)
I actually enjoyed working those hours...

I know, my family, friends, and my colleagues (including my own boss) calls me crazy
Hehe...I do admit, now as I look back at (past) life, it does looks crazy.

What a contrast to my current working life!
Well, right now, I go to the office during regular office hours...yeah, back to normal

I don't know, I think this is all about passion which drives us forward
Don't you think so?

Oh ya, go ahead and brand me a workaholic...I am used to it =P

When the going gets tough...

Times are tough these days, and sometimes, I just feel so disgusted with some of the pretentious facades around me
I could not take it at all; much as people telling me that I need to put on a fake front as well and pretend nothing happened.

How could I do that?
If I were to pretend nothing happened at all, doesn't that make me the same as those people?

I know it's required to be diplomatic sometimes, but deep down inside, I just feel it's all plain weird.
I chose not to fight, but it doesn't mean that I have surrendered
I choose the path of peace, that we can resolve things maturely

I have been through the good and tough times, and I've realized lots of things during the turbulent period
In a way, I do not complain that it happened sometimes, because I did learn something out of it and it taught me to grow up

Good things are always great of course, when they come your way but it's sometimes those undesirable things which turn out to have an unexpected outcome, don't you agree?

I have learnt and mature through this process; identifying the vital survival skills to keep myself alive in this dog eat dog world.
I will not let myself be in despair, nor will I brood over things that have happened and have made me fall down

Instead, I am going to hold my head up high, smile at the world, and tell them, this is not going to kill me, it's gonna make me stronger:)

As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going

I am definitely one to go tough and show the world that I am not gonna give up!
*SMILES*

Verbally outgoing

I was already planning to ignore most of things
I didn't want to bother anymore
I was thinking of shutting my mouth up when they act concerned

I think I am just verbal as I could not help it to voice out my opinions when I am asked
I am not one to keep quiet when there's injustice or when there are issues which require attention

I find it hard to just keep poised and act like all's normal and smile about it when there are clearly things which bother me and also people working with me in the same team
I had to bring it out
For the best of everyone

Am I just being too verbal sometimes?

My 2nd-level boss

My boss is up here again this week; well, technically, yesterday was his last day:)

We had a short meeting; discussion on projects and private discussion on performance, etc.

Hmmm...I think it didn't go too bad though...I think there's good news even =)

I am Happiee....it was indeed a great Friday, finally, after all the months I have worked and have had crappy Fridays which left me wondering why do these people love to torment you on the days when you're happiest most:(

Finally, it was a great great Friday, TGIF *LOUD*

*smiles*

Old friends...

Recently I have been contacted by a lot of old friends, who have dropped by to say hi or somehow, just found me through Facebook.
Some were even long lost classmates and friends whom I have not heard of in years!

The other day, I even bumped into my ex-boss and also received an email from another ex-boss!
(It's not that I have changed lots of jobs before, it's just that I happen to report to a lot of bosses..LOL!)

Surprisingly, all these brought a pleasant feeling to my heart...I felt loved and remembered by so many people.
It is true that sometimes we should not despair over a small bunch of people who do not value or appreciate your existence and forget about the bigger bunch who truly cared and love you.

I felt that despite the rough time I am going through at work now, I felt so warm and so treasured by the many friends, relatives, acquaintances and family members which made me feel so important.

I guess, in a way, it's a feeling that God wanted me to feel; to know that HE is also always there for me and that I have plenty of love around.

At the same time, I am already learning to let go and to ignore things which can cause misery.
Perhaps it's a form of compensation that I am truly and fully appreciated by the world out there.

So what if there are crappy people who just wants to make my life hell?
I have a larger paradise of angels and saints who are just out there to make my life seems like heaven:)

It's amazing how this works....friends, families who can just make your world a better place to work in:)

At the same time, I was just wondering, am I that bad at keeping in touch with people?
I thought I was pretty good....hahaha, was:p