No more dreams...

It's not that I am not having anymore dreams; in fact, I have been dreaming a series of dreams lately; and they seem to all revolve around different environments and different people seem to appear in each night's dream.

I think I have seen my relatives, my cousins, my ex-colleagues, my old classmates, my old admirers, some old childhood friends and even existing colleagues (only 1 or 2 from them though).

I can't help but think that almost everyone has appeared except my close loved ones...which is odd.

I know there is something there that I need to figure out; and there seems to be connection that is just staring right back at me.

Give me some time; while I sort out my thoughts and collect my senses back....I will have the answer soon...

Anyway, I don't want to continue to make this blog a 'Dreams' Blog as I kept posting on my dreams...that will make it so dull and monotonous.

That's why, no more dreams! Unless I have a really bizarre and crazy dream which I just have to share on;)

It's finally Friday, TGIF...and don't wish me sweet dreams or anything like that anymore.
I hope for a non-REM sleep this time...sound sleep is good!:D

Is it worth it?

I am really tired of all these stuffs I am doing

I felt that I have tried my best in everything and end of the day, there doesn't seem to be anyone appreciating or even an utter of thanks
Not that I am looking forward to be some poster pin-up in the Hall of Fame or something like that, but the very least is, don't instead try to put me and my efforts down. It's like pouring a bucket of ice down my back; sends a chill down my spine in a bloodcurdling way.

I am sure that my recent posts on my main blog and here has given a brief and general overview of what's going on with me and yeah, my work (it seems to be an endless topic, huh?)

I felt so unappreciated and demotivated by such a working environment and don't even get my started on teamwork.
I have worked my best and really, I really tried everything I could to do what I can beyond my own expectations.
I don't want to be just an employee who receives her list of tasks in a note form and just perform according to that; without even using the capacity of the brain cells.

Yet, what I get is a word of that I should not have done that because it is not at my level.
All these talks about transparency and respect are pushed to the background.
I tell you, if I did not make an initiative to try to resolve the issue and just decided to get help, they will again, of course, say that I have no initiative and no sense of responsibility; only depending on spoonfeeding!

It is that contradictory of their own directions and what they want from their employees.
I am really surprised and at the same time, disappointed in this company which is furthermore, an MNC.

Secondly, I could not even feel a hint of teamwork here.
When I am sick, there is never coverage; no matter what happens.
The recent issue even proved that significantly.

I wonder what is wrong with the people here
I find it hard to trust anyone here as well; there is so much politics and backstabbing and God-knows-what-else is going on here.

I never wanted to step into any of this; but inevitably, I was pulled into it again and these sadistic people just enjoy seeing/hearing that people are in trouble.
I don't know why they want to mind others' businesses so much; it's like they are minding everyone's business but their own.

I am just here to work; and to do my job and get along with people, but if people continue to be like that, like 'some people say', it's really beyond my control.

What else can I do?
I have already done what I can and that's to my best ability....I am really tired with all these...

I don't think there's anything worth my happiness and health.....

I am a positive person; and I am continuing to look at this positively...taking this as part of my learning, growing up and character molding process....

Do I miss school that much?

I had another dream again last night; I think I have been talking about my dreams most of the time here.

This time, it's not that long but I see a classroom scene.
It's like back in primary school; those old wooden and creaky desks we sit at in the classrooms.

It was arranged in a semi circle; and I was facing some of the guys (my friends).
They were seated with their backs towards the door; and I was blinded by the brightness of the sun outside as I was staring at them.
On the left I could see the old-fashioned green blackboard...call it greenboard (you remember those that we use chalks?)

Funny thing is; I kept seeing this guy (he was one of my admirers) and he kept appearing.
He was very quiet though; and it was like back in school when our friends used to tease us together.
It was very awkward and then he was hesitating whether to talk to me or go to meet me or not.

It was like a swinging situation where he was having his thoughts; and then when he wanted to come to talk to me, something or someone held him back.
He was reminded about his girlfriend and he suddenly looked confused, saying, "I don't have a girlfriend yet!"

He was confused and looked at me; and I was rooted to the ground...

Then when we sat at the semi-circle, he was the guy facing me with the sun blinding my sight again
It was all quiet then it faded...

I am just surprised at how often my dreams have the picture of my old school classrooms in them.
Do I really miss school that much?

Was that a subconscience speaking to me?

I don't know, and I think I still need to sort out all the interpretations for all my dreams...I hope I don't go crazy before that...