Letting go...

I've recently gone into a calm and different phase in my life and my thoughts.
I have a good memory of things that had happened in the past; incidents which involved me or affected me, happy or unhappy, and somehow all these came to my mind of late.

Well, it's funny how I see it differently compared to when I was in the situation itself, and some unhappy incidents? I could even smile at it and thought how silly of me to have reacted that way at that time.

Those were the little things; and some had a more serious effect which I still felt bothered by it, although not so much anymore.
Funnily though, I was even thinking of how to mend certain issues.

I may not be in the wrong, mind you, in those issues but somehow, I just wanted to do something about it.
It's like I woke up suddenly and decide, "Hey, if people are going to stay mad or hate me, at least I did something about it first before letting it rot to that extent, right?"

Well, perhaps I am not going to get any response or maybe I could end up getting a hate mail.
Either way, I still have nothing to lose.

I don't know why, perhaps I am a person who just hate to have grudges or even hatred; I could not hate someone (unless if it's like a really huge crime).
It bothers me if I have, in, any way, caused people to hate me at one point or another as well.
Call me weird, but maybe it's just me.

I am referring to an old-time issue; something which happened at work...some time ago where there were two co-workers whom I was involved in a conflict or something of that sort.
I know they probably detest me; even though I never wanted to harm them, but probably my unintended actions had directly or indirectly hurt them that they found fault with me.

It's been so many years now and we are no longer keeping in touch; it is not wonder, isn't it?
People around me are telling me to let it go, forget about it, they are not worth my time and efforts anymore.
It is no longer an issue for me to bother with.

However, I am not one for letting go or giving up easily and apparently, having a good memory is also a burden sometimes.

Some things just cannot be wiped out from my memory, and this is something which used to bother me terribly as I felt it was distressing that someone actually dislikes or even hates me.

I know there is nothing I can do about it; I can't alter one's mind or perception towards me, but I do want to try to do something about it now.

Some may just call me plain stupid for venturing into a lion's lair; asking for abuses to be hurled at myself but I just wanted it to have a right end to it.
You know, if they hate me, well, I just want to tell them sorry.
I just wanted to apologize if I have ever hurt them in any way that I've not imagined and that I never meant it that way.

Of course, what they choose to do with my apology is entirely up to them as there is no way I can control their minds nor their actions.
At least, I am assured that I have indeed done my part and that I have ended it with a mini effort to mend it.

If it remains broken, at least there is no regret that I've not done anything about it.

Perhaps this is part of my way of dealing with incidents of the past; letting go of my own emotions and having a hand in it at least once.

Or perhaps, you can call this maturity? =)

It sounds crazy...

I know it sounds crazy...but I do miss the times when I used to go to work really early

I remembered when I first started working, I actually go to work at about 5am and reach my office before 6am
(I could be earlier than the janitors sometimes, seriously!)

I am so early that I always get the first parking spot near to the entrance (you know Malaysian drivers-lar!)
I take my own sweet time and relax in the office; turning on my Outlook and also logging into my messenger as well.
Then the day begins, busy busy day where I will be attending meetings, working on my stuffs, preparing all the materials for meetings and presentations.

I will be working my way through until probably 5-5.30pm sometimes before I leave the office.
Of course, I do leave sometimes at 4.30pm as well.....it's a privilege when the boss tells you to leave due to my crazy working hours

I know, it really sounds crazy, as my boss used to put it as I work for more than 12 hours!

The craziest part, I actually did not feel angry or frustrated by the working hours and I don't even complain.
(By the way, it's not even the company's policy to start this early!)
I actually enjoyed working those hours...

I know, my family, friends, and my colleagues (including my own boss) calls me crazy
Hehe...I do admit, now as I look back at (past) life, it does looks crazy.

What a contrast to my current working life!
Well, right now, I go to the office during regular office hours...yeah, back to normal

I don't know, I think this is all about passion which drives us forward
Don't you think so?

Oh ya, go ahead and brand me a workaholic...I am used to it =P

When the going gets tough...

Times are tough these days, and sometimes, I just feel so disgusted with some of the pretentious facades around me
I could not take it at all; much as people telling me that I need to put on a fake front as well and pretend nothing happened.

How could I do that?
If I were to pretend nothing happened at all, doesn't that make me the same as those people?

I know it's required to be diplomatic sometimes, but deep down inside, I just feel it's all plain weird.
I chose not to fight, but it doesn't mean that I have surrendered
I choose the path of peace, that we can resolve things maturely

I have been through the good and tough times, and I've realized lots of things during the turbulent period
In a way, I do not complain that it happened sometimes, because I did learn something out of it and it taught me to grow up

Good things are always great of course, when they come your way but it's sometimes those undesirable things which turn out to have an unexpected outcome, don't you agree?

I have learnt and mature through this process; identifying the vital survival skills to keep myself alive in this dog eat dog world.
I will not let myself be in despair, nor will I brood over things that have happened and have made me fall down

Instead, I am going to hold my head up high, smile at the world, and tell them, this is not going to kill me, it's gonna make me stronger:)

As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going

I am definitely one to go tough and show the world that I am not gonna give up!
*SMILES*