I don't know why, I do have my own worries too....but it doesn't help when people do not have faith in me and believe me in what I am doing.
I want to be self-assurant and the worst thing is when the whole world doesn't believe in you; well, I still believe in myself as I know I will be able to do it and go through the rough times.
Life is not without challenges and tribulations; in fact, we are constantly surrounded by good and bad things everyday...it is just whether we choose to acknowledge them or just ignore them.
The best way is of course to ignore them but then, you are also running away.
Sometimes, life is not all about being routine nor following the scheduled daily pattern; you need to learn through other things in life to be able to grow up and face greater challenges.
I do feel lost and wondering myself; feeling scared too.
I know I have made one big decision which I am telling myself it is not a mistake. (When the whole world doesn't trust you, the very least you can do is to trust yourself; you are the only person left before you make yourself fall apart too).
How do I know it is not a mistake? Because I told myself so...
If you think I am out of my mind, think again because I have recently read that the mind is the biggest tool which shaped our lives. If we think what we want to do often enough, we will eventually be there:)
What disappoints me the most and almost crashed me was the fact that my loved ones pulled away from my picture and dropped droplets of dark ink on my painting. It was definitely devastating and a huge blow to my morality which I am trying so hard to maintain.
I cried buckets but nobody will hear or see me; because I am all alone and it is that kind of feeling when that happens. No one can be trusted anymore...except myself.
God is always my salvation; and I know HE is always there for me, the ever loving father and friend. I pray to him and at the same time, I am glad that I did not lose hope in myself.
I still have something in me although I hope I can stand on that long enough before totally falling apart and give way to the Angel of Death and throw myself into the sinful thought; a serious sin and mortal crime.
It is the easiest way out as proposed by the devil in the head and you do not even have to drown in sorrows or tears anymore.
With the every bit of strength left in me and my faith, I want to slowly work on this myself and I want to thank that only one person besides myself and God, for all the support and encouragement and living faith in me.
I know I will make it through the rain....no matter how hard and torrid the shower may be.....
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