~ DPCS Princess's Diary ~

Happy Chinese New RABBIT Year!!~

2011-02-05T19:44:00.001-08:00

Wishing all the fans and readers of DPCS Princess Diary a very prosperous and joyful Chinese New Year with lots of LEAPS and BOUNDS! =)

Have a hoppity Rabbit YEAR! =)

GONG HEI FATT CHOY!~

What I want to do...

2011-01-05T20:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I do ask myself this question, what do I really want out of my own life, and what do I want to do?

I am passionate about a lot of things, and yet, if you were to ask me, what do I really really WANT most out of all my favorites, I realized there is only one answer.

I LOVE writing as much as I love reading.
Words and speech, they are practically my soul and life.

I love how words can describe so many things (maybe not everything) and how one's emotions can be told through different types of words.
I love how words can be weaved together to tell a story, or to represent a person's tale which can be strung together to be a life story.

I love how words can make people feel better/worse with immediate effect.
Words are indeed powerful tools, and look at how it has gotten people around the world in connection with each other.

Put them together, and you have another term, COMMUNICATION.
It is a term known to everyone but yet at the same time, neglected at times too.

People pursuing fields in communication are rarely viewed as holding important careers compared to doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc.
However, how true is that?
Communication is the key to everything, how else could one succeed in life without communication?

I love to communicate; be it through writing or through speech, although I do prefer the former, I could just let myself freely when I am with my pen.

I have been writing since young; in fact, I found my love in writing at a tender age of five.
After reading my story books, I always felt compelled to spin a story of my own and hope to get it published.

I have written short stories, and documentary articles, and I have won essay competitions (one even got me a trip to USA for the first time)
Slowly, I even start to develop the inspiration for poetry, but I dare not compare myself to great poets out there as I am just an amateur when it comes to poetry.
Poetry is a beautiful art, it paints words and presents it in a different way/language altogether which just sounds like a song to one's ears.

As I look back at how I have traveled so far; from short stories to essays to documentary articles, to dramatic stories, to poetries and blogs and even reviews, I am happy to say that I have learnt along the way.

One dream I still harbour to this day is; to publish my very own book.
I don't intend to turn into Enid Blyton or JK Rowling or any famous authors for that sake, but just suffice to make myself happy that I have my books published and I can share my stories with everyone (if I do get famous, I thank the Lord and people who love my stories!)

I am working towards that dream, and I thank those of you who have been encouraging me through your great words, they do help a lot!

I welcome feedback, and if you are looking for someone to write for you, I am ready to be hired too *winks*

A BRAND NEW Year

2011-01-03T20:24:00.001-08:00

It's been a year and can't believe we are welcoming yet another year again!
(I have a nagging feeling that I am getting old as well..LOL)

Looking positively, it is not all about aging in the numbers but rather, the experiences and knowledge gained through the years and how we have come to be a better person today.

2010 is over and 2011 is here for us to look forward to and to anticipate more good things and experiences to strengthen our life journey.

I will be posting in my new blog on my life journey as well, and will be updating this blog from time to time, as I do miss this blog and all my readers.

Thanks for all the support, and I look forward to more interesting stories to share in this blog too~

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011 to everyone!~

Missing my blog?

2010-12-01T20:42:00.000-08:00

Despite having moved to a new blog, I have also received requests to maintain at least this blog because somehow, I didn't even know I have the huge fan base here!

Thank you very much for all your support and I can tell you that I am truly touched that there are people who are just so into this blog just by following it.

Well, I will still continue to update this blog periodically, or whenever I found something interesting to update on as I am currently working on some other new blogs and websites which are enough to keep me more than just busy.

I will make it a rule to update this a few times a week if my other engagements are not keeping me too busy!

Again, thanks for all the support and no worries, this blog will be back to life soon;)

New Blog

2010-10-05T01:13:00.001-07:00

Please click here to access my new blog for all the recent updates

Please kindly update bookmark to include this new blog;
Christy's Life Journal
http://christylifejournal.com/

I Have NEWSSSS!!~

2010-09-15T22:06:00.001-07:00

I have newssss and a BIG ONE too....
It's a GOOD one, something everyone has been waiting for...ehehehe

and I am still thinking how to spill it out...it's a long list =)

It's my good newsssss......stay tune, I will get to you soon, and if I don't, drop me a note here, kay?

Hugs and kisses :-*

Holidays and vacation

2010-09-07T18:38:00.000-07:00

~Hooray hooray, it's a holi-holi DAY!!~

Counting down again, and I am finally on leave....seems like forever since the last time I took leave, LOL!

Happy Holidays to me, and I can't wait for my long-awaited and very much deserving break, away away....

I am in a holiday mood now....and I am still finalizing my packing.
Can you believe it, I told myself to start packing two months earlier and then it was one month and then yeah, one day!
I have got to learn something from my travel packing habits, as in early packing and definitely, PACK LIGHT!

That's why I am 'final-izing' my packing...that's crazy, about to heave everything into the overnight bag soon!

Anyway, stress no more soon....because it's a HOLI-HOLI- DAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!~

Nice view

2010-09-06T05:20:00.000-07:00

This is the view I can see from my living hall

Beautiful and cute, ain't it? (not those people in it though, they tried to climb onto the kiddie's slides....so immature and these are all grown people!

Insomnia

2010-09-06T04:47:00.000-07:00

I have been having insomnia lately; I don't know and it's really annoying me.

It's frustrating not being able to sleep, especially for people like me, who has a sleep schedule and proper bedtimes.
I am a very disciplined person when it comes to going to bed on time, having meals on time (if I can help it now) and waking up early (I love waking up early)

Recently, however, I find it hard to go to sleep despite being tired and sleepy that it gets really exhausting.

I hope I can get my sleep really soon....it's really tiresome not to mention deteriorating to the health when we don't get our sleep.

I may try some herbal remedies or any old wives' advice that is not too gross to help me sleep.

Home Sick!

2010-09-02T01:30:00.000-07:00

This always happens, every time I go home for the weekend or a break and when I come back or on the way back, I just feel so home sick.

I just missed home so much, I could not bear looking at Mum and Dad when my car pulls away or when I step into the departure hall in the airport.
Those farewell hugs I give my family, just makes my heart feel really really heavy when I turn away.

I try not to look, but I am sure I saw tears in Mummy's eyes as well.

I sound like a pathetic baby, don't I, whining after Mummy and Daddy and I am supposed to be all grown up and independent.
I am working outside and staying alone out there, for goodness sake, all away from my family.
Some may say that it is a choice, we made a choice and we should not be crying over it.
I made this choice, it is true, but that does not mean I am ready to slash the ties and turn cold-blooded with no more sentiments for my own family and home.

I guess it's true, some ties just can never be broken....parents will continue to see their grown up children as still kids while we, grown up kids will always see home as HOME and FAMILY...

Oh, I do get over it, after a day or two...Home is still the best place to be =)

What I am reading...

2010-08-27T06:04:00.001-07:00

This is what I am currently reading....

Can you believe I actually read something like this? =)
Yeah, I do....

My poor poor laptop

2010-08-27T05:52:00.000-07:00

The laptop which I have been using for my personal use has just went bozo; the screen kept flickering, slowly to drastic flickers that I almost thought I needed the attention of an opthalmologist!

Anyway, I finally decided to send it off for repair and I sure do miss my lappie!

Now I wonder, how come my old horse work laptop does not give me such problems to justify for an immediate change of laptop for work from the IT department?

Why oh why, sighs!

I wonder whether I did something to make the screens on my own laptop go flicker flicker; maybe something which I can simulate to make the work laptop go bicker bicker as well?

Ssssssshhhhhhh.....it should not be heard by some relevant authorities =P

My New Sleeping Friend

2010-08-26T19:15:00.001-07:00

A fortnight ago, the crazy MEGA sale started its spell all over the country and of course, screaming and shouting for the sake of the upcoming Independence Day as well (we call it Merdeka, which means Independence in the Malay Language)

Merdeka Sale here, Merdeka sale there and all of a sudden, everywhere is on SALE.

Dear saw something at Jusco which he wanted to get me for a while ago but I thought it was a little expensive.
Well, since it was on sale, he decided to get it for me, despite my protests and here it is, my new Memory Pillow

It was supposed to help me sleep better, and for a better posture, not to mention proper blood circulation and it was like on 20 or 40% off the normal price.
Akemi is also a pretty well renowned brand in bedding stuffs.

I was excited to get my hands on it, I mean, my head on it.

The thing about memory pillow is that it 'remembers' the position of your head when you lay on it and it keeps it that way.
Therefore, it will maximize your comfort when you sleep and contours your position and back to avoid all those headaches, tensions or backaches, and shoulder aches.
Pretty cool, huh?

Therefore, that first night, I pushed my favorite and good old 100% stuffed cotton pillow to the side, and put this in place to sleep.
The old pillow became some sort of my arm rest which I left by the side.

Okay, first impression when I laid my head on it, "Hmmmm, hard"

Secondly, I felt that my body was slightly elevated due to the hard and height of the pillow.

I tried to sleep, but I felt like I was sleeping on those ancient days' pillow; you know, the one made of marble and shaped like a box, like what you would see in the TVB's A Pillow Case of Mystery?

I told myself that I just need to adjust to it, it is after all new, and I have had gotten used to my old pillow, for like, how many years?

After one week, even Dear commented that the pillow was slightly hard (he got one himself too!)

I secretly tried to swap the pillow with my old one one night, when I felt a little frustrated trying to get to sleep and then I looked at the memory pillow as it lay on the side, and I felt guilty.
How could I leave an expensive pillow by the side, while I sleep on a pillow half of its price?
It doesn't do justice to the pillow, right?

So, yeah, I got stuck to this pillow now and no matter what Dear says, I just won't swap it because it is really not justifiable =P

I think I am starting to get used to the pillow, maybe I will bring it for traveling in the future too, LOL!
I will tell you about the health benefits after I get even more comfortable with it...

Me miss me bookssss

2010-08-25T01:20:00.000-07:00

Due to the recent shifting from my old place to this new place I am currently staying in, I had to move at least 50% of my stuffs home (Home as in KL; where the permanent address is at)

The largest chunk (and the heaviest) of them all which had to first make the move was my collection of my books which made it to more than 6 boxes; let me think......... I think it was a total of 6-9 small boxes and 3 big boxes.

Gosh, isn't it amazing how many books I have collected over just a two-year stay since I came back to Penang?

I packed all of them with a heavy heart and sent them home in the car; which was packed with other stuffs as well (I suspect my thermometer was in there too!).

I made a mistake, and it was silly of me to just bring back two books, with the thought that I will just get a few more or exchange these books when I fly home on business trips.

Boy, I finished those two books in less than a week and I am without anything to read anymore.

Forlorn and sad, I thought that I should go get some books from the bookstore but then again, wouldn't that result in another round of shifting the next time since this is also another temporary place?

I ended up in the library; yeah, the state library.
(Yes, I still go to the libraries even after I have left school and university, in case you're wondering)

I renewed my membership and paid RM2 for the card; actually I renewed both cards (mine and dear's) as I am carrying both of them.

Well, one card is only entitled to two books and those of you who know me, well, I need these two cards!!

I am back with the books, and I hope it will take me some time to finish reading most of the books in the library although I have also started checking out books on the shelves of the bookstores and gosh, there are so many titles which I would really want, seriously!

I can't wait to go home and get more of my books here, can I just bring back one box; ONE box only....pretty pretty pleassseeeee?

I Missed me bookkksssssssss!!!!

I need a FRIEND

2010-08-24T00:34:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden, I just need to talk to someone

I missed my friends, I missed my family

I need to have someone whom I am close to and I trust and I just want to be there, hang out and talk and talk and talk
Someone who will not ask me what's wrong and just be there for me

I know I have boyfriend beside me and that's really comforting; he's the bestest friend a girl could have but after the previous post, I feel like I want another; someone true to me and will not forsake me

I need my friend...my TRUE friend, to just be there....let me feel that they are there
If you are my true friend, please text me or let me know through some way or another to make me feel that I am not alone.....

Phasing out

2010-08-24T00:12:00.000-07:00

I am afraid sometimes; I just feel that I am phasing out of others' lives.

I feel like I may be shut out of others' lives or end up being forgottten or forcefully pushed out

I do not like that feeling; it makes me feel helpless and really useless and not loved by anyone at all.
Dear says that is not true and that I think too much. I worry too much and I dwell too much on what others think and what I should do to please others that it ended up like I may get tired of trying to please everyone in my life and I myself may lose my own happiness in the process.

Sometimes when I look at photos of friends on outings or vacations, I felt left out. I felt like I was not on others' minds when it comes to invitations, although I feel that I was part to blame as I had always been one who preferred solitary and I loved my books too much.
Even my bestie used to tell me the same thing.

However, I can't feeling that all the same.

Don't get me wrong, I am not that unpopular or unknown girl from school where people don't give the time of the day.
I am in fact, someone who has a profile since young much as I would like to keep a low profile and I get invitations all the time.

Thing is, I am always the quiet and indoor type and I seldom go out or hang out randomly. You can say I am kinda selective with the company I hang out with sometimes, and that's bad and I've rid myself of that.

Still, maybe my habits and everything that says about myself deter people from approaching me.

I just have this nagging fear; that I may be phasing out of others' lives; of others whom I really care about and it is during times like this that I am reminded of people who still care about me and love me.

My family; the closest ever to me and that includes my close relatives as well (close uncles and aunts and cousins from both sides of the family)

My besties and best gal friends who never ever forgot about me and just accepted me the way I was, reprimanding me once in a while to chill out.

My best guy buds who would not hesitate to just give me that piece of mind when they feel I am holding my reins too tightly and not letting my hair down once in a while; just give the shoulder a tight squeeze once in a while

My bestest guy bud; my own brother who would be direct and brutal when it comes to giving out opinions on letting myself go

Another bestest guy bud; my dear who would never have a bad word or reprimand for me and just support me all the way and lending me that shoulder to cry on

My virtual friends who have been giving me advices and encouraging words to go on here in my blog and my social network

I really hope I am not phasing out, I do not want to be forgotten or not loved....it would really hurt/Crush me very badly if that did happen...

Can't Wait and NOT packed

2010-08-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

It's been two years and I didn't even have a single trip last year...bummer...

It's alright now, I am looking forward to this upcoming one soon....
I kept telling myself to start packing since last month (don't laugh, I always have to pack early because I will panick and change all my decisions at the very last minute) and till this day, I have not packed yet!

Whatever, I am really counting the days and no, I am not revealing where I am headed to yet, you have to wait for me to come back and blog about it in my travel blog =)

After that, I am heading on another trip but that would be on business, can't wait, can't wait...
Sounds like some Jakun who has never seen the world before eh, try not being able to travel for a year and you tell me how it feels =P

Alone - good or bad?

2010-08-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

I don't mean my relationship status; that remains status quo, no change whatsoever =)

I was talking about staying alone.
It was always something I thought of, a lot; I felt it kinda gives me the feeling of great independence.
Maybe I was influenced by all those dramas and movies where career-oriented women or rich women are always owning an apartment/condo to themselves (yeah, somehow it's always apartments, maybe because it made them feel safer?)

So, I was hoping that i could someday be like that myself too and years went by, and the closest I have gotten to was when my other housemates went back to their hometowns for the weekend and I was the only one left in the house.

Much as I would like to envision myself being home alone, it was just not realistic as the rooms were all closed/locked and I only could enjoy the space of the living room, dining hall and the kitchen...and for a limited time of only max. 2 days (sounds like some free trial run when you buy a software)

Some says I am crazy for wanting to stay alone, and my family worries that I stay alone with no one to watch out for me, and the same goes with the boyfriend.

However, I often wondered, it would be really my space, and I could have ALL my things with me at the same time.
For those of you who know me really well; like my best buds, you definitely know that I certainly did not exaggerate with the word "A LOT of stuffs"

I want my books to be lined on shelves after shelves and in a place I could call a library (a dream I've always had since I was five, and I really envy Belle for the library she was presented with by her prince in the castle)
I want my CDs lined on the racks and in chronological or alphabetical order in the cabinets.
I want my movie/drama DVDs categorized and rested properly in the cabinets for easy access (myself only!)
I want to be able to have my clothes and shoes being lined together; not forgetting my bags and accessories as well (Nick once told me I need a walk-in closet; seconded by boyfriend, and brother)

I want my own parking space!
LOL!

Okayyyyy, I shouldn't be complaining that much since I have been pretty fortunate (Thank the Lord) in my house-renting adventures so far as I get the master room with car park, and even if I don't get the master room, I still get the car park because the girl in the master room does not drive.
*Rejoices*

However, when I get to be alone, I do wonder as well, is it really that cool?
There are a lot of things that I think about too:
The Cons
1. SECURITY/SAFETY - I don't think I need to say much about this; that is one of the reasons I prefer to stay in condos

2. CONVENIENCE/HELP NEEDED - with housemates, there's always someone who could look out for you when you are sick or need a hand with something. When you are alone, you just need to depend on yourself. If you are very sick and unable to get out of the bed, well, good luck with yourself and wait for the boyfriend to arrive.

3. HOUSEWORK! - this is the top reason; with housemates sharing the same roof, you only need to clean your room and take turns in maintaining the cleanliness of other rooms in the house. When you are alone, the WHOLE house of more than a 1,000 sqf is your responsibility!
That's more than enough for me!

The PROs
1. NO QUEUE - you get your own bathroom to yourself (this one does not have effect on me as I always have my own attached bathroom), and you do not have to wait for the kitchen sink to clean your cup. This is a YEAY for me, and I can ensure that my sink will always be clean and not stuffed with food (like what happened with the last housemate, gross!)

2. OWN SPACE everywhere - have I not said enough; I can have stuffs anywhere I want without worrying about taking up others' space and being inconsiderate. Furthermore, do not have to worry about possibility of theft among housemates; not everyone is trustworthy, remember?

3. FRIDGE and washing machine is MINE - Double YEAYY for this one as I can place my stuffs in the fridge anyway I want; in neat order and not be bothered by the mess other people created and also, I do not have to worry about others' dirty clothes/stuffs in the washing machine before I use.

There are 3 PROS vs 3 CONS as well, so I guess it is a truce, but I feel that it is always a balance which is why God created companions for us.
Therefore, alone may not necessarily be a good thing too; much as we like privacy...

Weird, and spooked

2010-08-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Something weird happened last night, it was just really bizarre again

I hated it when I wake up at that odd hour of 3-3.30a.m, and found bizarre things
Ohhhh, and I even heard dogs barking non-stop and even howls..

Talk about creepiness; it was really eerie, but I just stayed still and prayed hard to God, the sole reason for comfort and sanity.

I will share my story on my spooks blog; Starry Starry night soon, right now, I feel really cold and feverish (don't associate it to the same incident last night yeah)

A simple 'Good Morning'

2010-08-19T21:39:00.000-07:00

Just the other day, I was getting ready to go to work and it was just a morning like any other.

I stepped into the elevator and pressed the lobby.
Midway, the elevator stopped at the 6th floor and a burly guy; an American, dressed in a simple shirt and jeans, with a backpack and an iPod with earphones stuck in one of his ears stepped in.

The unique thing is this, the minute the doors of the elevator opened before he stepped into the elevator, he looked up and gave me a big smile, and greeted me loudly, "Good Morning"

It was definitely to me, as I was the only one in the elevator.

Well, I smiled back, as I felt that it was truly a warm gesture on his part
(I used to do that, but some people just looked away or ignored you. Have you ever come across people who when you smile at them, just look away???)

The elevator reached the lobby quite quickly, and he stood there, I guess he was allowing me to exit the elevator first.

I took my steps, and turned to him, "Have a nice day!" and smiled again

I think he was a little startled, but he smiled back all the same, and replied, "Oh, same to you, lady"

We departed with smiles on our faces.

Really, we were just two strangers who just happened to share the same elevator but these few words exchanged made my day.

Find it funny or exaggerating, I don't find people doing this anymore. Somehow people are too occupied with their lives and some men, oh, when you smile at them, they might think you were coming onto them.

However, I feel that a simple courtesy like this and a smile really made all the difference.
I never did doubt that there are a lot of nice and good people out in the world, in fact, I still believe that there is still good in the world despite all the evil we have seen.

Call me naive, but I still believe that even within the evil hearts, there lies a streak of good.

I still go around smiling at people; not too much at some guys (trust my own instincts) and sometimes I give way or hold the door open for people, and I always tell people to have a nice day.
Am I being too insanely perfect? I don't think so, try doing that and trust me, the world will definitely become a much better place to live in =)

Have a GREAT DAY today =)

I pray

2010-08-19T21:28:00.000-07:00

I pray, for everyone, and for the peace of the world
May there be no more war and fighting
No more dying or suffering
No more discrimination or hatred

I pray, for the people around me, my loved ones
May there be peace and harmony
May love continue to nestle amongst us
No more anger or dispute
May there be forgiveness and compassion

I pray, for people whom I work with
May there be respect and understanding with each other
Keep judgments at bay and there will no harming of others
May there be no jealousy or despite

I pray, for my closest family members; my aged parents, uncles and aunts
May they be in their best of health
May they continue to be blessed with happiness and content

I pray, for my frail grandmother
May she find peace within herself and trust the divine presence of God
May she find the strength and power to fight her way back to health

I pray, for people who dislike me, or misunderstood me
May they find peace within themselves
May they be happy with their lives
May they be blessed with things that they do

I pray, for people I may have offended or neglected
May time heal the broken bridge
May they find in their heart to forgive

I truly pray, for everyone

I pray for myself,
that I may be a better person
a better daughter
a better niece
a better cousin
a better sister
a better friend
a better colleague
and most important of all, a better disciple of God

I pray, whenever I want to
I pray whenever I need to
I pray, whenever I want to talk to someone
God is always listening, I know

Live to be happy, not to please

2010-08-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

I wonder what suddenly spurred me to write something like this, but something kind of hit me yesterday and I realized that it is time I stop to think about it.

I have always been described by friends as someone who is always striving to be perfect and I am indeed, a perfectonist myself.
Friends also told me that I am a little uptight and that I should learn to let loose once in a while; and that I should try to let my hair down.
Maybe that's true also, as I am very intent to do things the right way and to get things right.

People may think that I have been pressured by my parents to do something like that; to achieve good grades to meet my parents' hopes and expectations which is quite wrong, really.
I have lived my life living to meet my OWN expectations; I set them and I live by them.
My parents even told me to relax once in a while and don't force myself to the edge.

I have always been achieving things and it makes me feel that I could really do everything that I want. Sometimes, I wonder whether I did choose paths that I myself REALLY want.

Funny, that I dared myself to make this revelation, but really, I just feel suffocated sometimes doing things that I don't really enjoy and asking myself why am I doing this in the first place.
Is it really my own interest?
Is it my parents' expectations?
Is it to fulfill peer pressure?
Is it to please/appease relatives and friends?

I don't think I am doing this to appease others or to meet mere peer pressure, but I do think that sometimes I do weigh myself in public eyes; which is quite a daunting task as well.

What do I really want to do?
What were/are my dreams?

I had huge ambitions since I was young, and the following were those few:

I used to dream of becoming a doctor, not because of the glamour or the pay or to make my parents feel proud (it's not cheap becoming a doctor anyway).
You may feel I am making this up, but I am not...I wanted to be a doctor because I really wanted to help people; to lessen their suffering and to save lives.
At some point or another, I had questions coming from my dad, "Are you sure you can perform surgery on another? You need to cut through the skin you know"
Somehow I don't remember myself being a scaredy cat at that point and I confidently told him, "No matter how scary, all I need to focus on is how I could save a life if I do it correctly"
Then there were questions on whether I could withstand the long or unworldly hours of working as a doctor. It could mean no vacation at all or constantly disrupted sleep (beauty sleep, what's that?)
I focused myself and told myself that I want to save lives and if sacrificing my own leisure, I could save lives, maybe this was what I was meant to do.

Too big of a dream?
Was I even realistic or just a dreamer?

Anyway, maybe I was dreaming big as a kid, but I was glad that my family stood by me and supported all my decisions.
Perhaps they knew that kids always have their ambitions, and they will grow out of it eventually.

I don't think I grew out of it; I just let God decide for me, and somehow I was none of the above, LOL.

However, there is one love that never died in me, there was one ambition which I never mentioned, a secret one which I still live for until today.

I love to write, I wanted to be a journalist or someone who just writes; like a novelist as well. This is something which I've never given up on because it is something I enjoy so much and I find power in my articles or pieces that I write.
It is something which gives me passion, which is why I started all these blogs.
I love doing stuffs for my blogs; taking photos, editing them, compiling and writing and publishing them. No matter how tired I am, if I was working on my blog, I could lose track of time.

People all around me told me to just pursue this dream, to make it big because they believed that I can, and I will someday =)
I thank each and everyone for their great support and encouragement, because I know I can too.

I feel that everyone should truly something they really like, to be happy, and not to please your parents, or that bank account =)

Life is truly short, and we really should enjoy it and appreciate things and people (Loved ones) around us =)
Maybe that was really the reason which ignited me to write about all these used-to-be-my-dreams....looking back, I do really dream big huh? ;)

Sleepless nights

2010-08-15T22:30:00.001-07:00

For the past few nights, I have been having trouble sleeping, I don't know why.
I barely could sleep soundly and I kept waking up throughout the entire night.

It all started on one night when the rain poured so heavily and there was thunder and lightning and I could hear them so loudly.
I have never been one to be afraid of these; remember how much I love rain?

However, this was one different scenario, it was a huge thunderstorm and I was awakened by the whole drama at about 3.30a.m.
I didn't really want to glance at the clock; but it was right in front of me, and yeah, when I saw it, I was a little uneasy.
I was never much of a superstitious person really, but I have a pretty good memory and I remembered this horror movie, 'Exorcism of Emily Rose' which kinda haunted the whole idea of the 3am/3.30am as being the unholy hour.

Anyway, I lay in bed listening to the rain and found myself having a hard time to get back to sleep.
I started praying; Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, and a prayer to Jesus, all to myself.

Then I went back to sleep, trying to sleep on one side.

I am not sure whether it was in a dream or what, but when I tried to toss to the other side, I found that I seemed to have frozen, or medically speaking, sudden paralysis.
I couldn't speak as well, and I just felt that I could not move.

I prayed again, with fierce strength and will in my mind, saying that I have the mighty Lord as my protector and master and that I will be strong.

I guess it was my subconscious mind speaking, as I could barely remember and then I could suddenly turn again.

I do not want to figure out this scientifically nor in the spooky way (after all, what is one to think about, furthermore in this Chinese ghost month?), but I am always comforted by the prayers and knowing that God's presence is always near.
Anyway, I chose not to dwell onto it as a whole supernatural thing, as I could probably be dreaming and the most important thing is, I am wearing a crucifix around my neck; a blessed crucifix no less.

Whatever it is, I am not taking my chances, and I have my bible and rosary and of course, Jesus with me...Amen

There is always a reason~

2010-08-10T22:59:00.000-07:00

Whenever I am feeling blue or upset or depressed over things in life, I pray.

Yeah, I do, as I always pray.

I pray to God not only in times of trouble, but throughout the whole day.
Now, I wouldn't call myself a saint or super holy specimen of a Catholic but i see God not as just a superior being.
Sometimes I see HIM as a confidante, a friend, a shoulder I can cry on (since I never let myself cry in public or in front of others)

When I feel happy, I whisper to God and thank him for the things HE had done to make me happy.
When I feel sad, I just say quietly and ask that HE make me stronger and please guide me.
When I feel angry/upset, I pray for strength and peace so that I will not let the deadly sin conquer me

When I feel I have done something wrong, I pray and beg for his forgiveness.
When I am lost or confused, I ask for guidance and to show me light
When I am scared or afraid, I pray for HIS ever mighty presence beside me
When I am all alone, well, I just know that I am never alone because HE will always be there to watch out for me

So, yeah, I don't see praying as praying sometimes, because it became something like a daily conversation with GOD/Jesus.

I attended mass in the Immaculate Conception Church on Sunday and I was really enjoying myself listening to Father Marshall's sermon about prayers.

He was telling us about people praying to GOD for all sorts of stuffs and at the same time, they blamed God when things did not turn out the way they intended.

It was really funny, and I am going to write a full-length post on this in my other blog (My thoughts and My Words)
I promise this, and I will not lie on stuffs related to GOD (*Winks*)

Well, a gist of the sermon relates to how people pray and yet think God was not answering their prayers.
A lot of people didn't realize that GOD do answer prayers, even though they say they do believe, they don't, really.

I do though, as I see it in different ways.

The reason people don't believe their prayers were answered was because it was not directly related nor written big on the ground that that was the answer to their prayers.

However, I, on the other hand, just trust GOD answers, and I see it in all the little things which happen every day or every single waking minute.

HE works his ways differently and sometimes it feels like you have to figure out the answer from a riddle.

In this case, that was one of the reason I feel that there is a reason for every thing which happened, be it a good or a bad thing.

GOD is also busy and when HE answers our prayers, HE has to make his way felt, and to make you realize from the impact (hence sometimes bad things or things which make us sad happen, or that's what I think)

I am recently doing a lot of thinking and there were lots of things in life which kinda make me feel that I am not doing enough.
Okay, maybe there were a few direct incidents which made me feel upset or affected, and I was just trying to figure out what I should do about things which are happening.

I felt a little hurt over something and then I realized, hey, maybe it was MY fault to begin with.

I had to do certain things to set it right, and I am guessing GOD made things like these happen to remind me of it.

So, in case you're skeptical or doubtful of God's answering powers, and blame GOD for things which you didn't want to happen, well, just be reminded that there is ALWAYS a reason....

I believe..

Am I on the way?

2010-08-10T01:13:00.000-07:00

I was kinda having a little of a meltdown and was trying to figure out my whole life.
I am not going to talk about it here, but let's just say it's not pretty and I am figuring it all out currently.

I missed people around me; people whom I can talk to and can trust (I guess I say that a lot)

Funny thing is, when I was going through things that I claimed I did not know and what I want to do, and all of a sudden, I hear myself talking and describing all the things that I really wanted to do.
It's funny that I feel like I don't know what I want to do, and then, voila, I could describe them, which means only one thing, that I do know what I want to do!

Then why am I not doing anything about it yet?
I need to re-configure everything and I need to sort it all out!

I need my LIFE....and I just want it to be perfect...yeah, and people tell me that I need to learn to let go.
I am freaking out, I have so much to do, I am so way behind at the moment!!!! *screams*

Confused and

2010-08-06T00:53:00.000-07:00

I think I am feeling very confused, upset and a little miserable right at this moment.
I have had a bad dream two nights ago, and then I heard a piece of bad news which kinda confirmed the meaning of the dream and now I found out about something which clearly disturbed my peace of mind.
To add to that whole rubble, I had to be feeling guilty about something which I am not sure whether I have done it wrong or right.

I don't know, I think all the above kinda brings me guilt; a subconscious feeling which nagged and tugged at my heart and conscience and I just feel bothered.

I tried going shopping, you know what they say about retail therapy when you are feeling blue and I was even trying to go for a mani/pedi and guess what, when I was there, I just felt no better and in fact, I stayed there only for half an hour and I turned on my heels and left.
Funny how things turned out and I just feel depressed.

I don't know, I feel uncomfortable when I feel people don't like me or are deliberately keeping away from me.
Perhaps I have done something wrong, and these are people who I know and in the family.

I am just bothered by everything and I know people call me a worry wart or paranoid girl but I don't know, perhaps it had something to do with all these?

I used to be really good in keeping contact with people and keeping hold of things together but I think I am kind of slacked in this department.

I am really lousy in keeping in touch with people around me; friends, relatives, whoever and I just feel that it is really not good of me to be like that.

I'd always like to think of myself as a good person; someone who does not hurt or harm other people or have any ill intentions towards anyone.
I don't mean to be mean or judgmental towards anyone since I knew how to talk or walk even.

I stand firm to my own beliefs and things that I know are wrong or right and I never make any wrong judgment, despite being told what to do or not by people more senior than me; anywhere, including my own parents.

Of course, I am not perfect, I am still susceptible to mistakes and small things in life and I do understand that I cannot have everyone liking me or agreeing with me and I am just normal.

Somehow it still makes me feel upset when I know people do not like me...it's just weird.

Maybe it was karma or a vicious cycle, I can't expect everyone to treat me like a real princess, even so, it is not sincere right?

I still feel sad when there are people who think that I am not nice or a bad person...

I worry too much?
I am writing so much about my emotions and I still haven't gotten to it because I am not comfortable talking about it in public or at least, just yet.

I like to keep things bottled up, and this issue, really made revert back to that...

Am I really paranoid?

One more week~

2010-07-24T02:03:00.001-07:00

Dear diary,
It is with a heavy heart I pack my stuffs and push them into bags and paper bags; unfolding the clothes and also putting fragile stuffs and books into boxes.
It has been two years; the longest I have ever stayed in a place which I like and have grown to be attached to (I seem to get attached to everything huh?)
I have to move, yes, and it's a sad thing to do.
I enjoy coming home to this place, popping myself against the bed and watching dramas/DVDs or reading.
The whole place is fully furnished and it is just pretty much as good as a home to me! I do really love this place =)
I paid a really good price and it was just worth it, which I didn't expect to find when I find myself posted back to this state!~

Anyway, like all things, there is always a beginning and ending and guess this is it. I have about a week left and there are so much to do and pack and to organize everything properly.

I really do hate moving, it's a whole lot of trouble and the hassle, not to mention the physical and mental exhaustion when you try to settle down in a new place.

I dreaded the whole process but guess it's inevitable sometimes, especially when I am still in that whole "based here on a temporary basis situation".

When it's time to leave, well, just need to put my head up and not turn back, though I am really going to miss everything about this place....

One more week, and I am in a new place altogether....awwwwwwww, so sad.....and ohhhhhh, my stuffs....so much to pack! Ughs!

Another trip?

2010-07-14T00:19:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,
Just when I was thinking to relax and rest at home, things are picking up again and I have to, just have to move forward and pick myself up and go with the flow again.
I am again required to fly down and it seemed really hectic for me, with such a short notice!
(Okay, maybe not really that much of a short notice, but I was really hoping for a quiet weekend and no more traveling, after that craze with LCCT, just less than 3 days ago!)
It's not that I don't enjoy going back to home sweet home, but seriously, I have a lot of things which I need to do back here as well and things have just been so crazy lately (this month!)
I want to travel, for leisure, not like this!
When I am free, there are not so much of plans to travel or fly here and there, and when I don't want to, don't feel like it, or can't, that's when I am required to travel almost every week!
What was that all about?
I am exhausted, and I really need a rest, a break....my last break was also crazy
Can someone just replace me and go on my behalf instead?

I am really tireddddd.....

P.S.: I am indeed, ranting a lot.... =P

Presentation is fun!~

2010-07-07T01:58:00.000-07:00

Last week was a nationwide, or at least the west coast of Peninsular Malaysia's roadshow for this new product launch for my division/business unit.

Everyone had to present, in our respective regions and so, of course, I was the one who had to do it for my region =)

I was kinda enjoying it, to be frank, it kinda relived that passion in me, and reminded me of the love I have for all these kinds of things; public speaking, writing and you know, just being yourself with the microphone and commanding that attention to you.

Funny how my bestie was just telling me in less than a week ago prior to the presentation about she enjoyed that too!

Well, don't get us wrong, we are not exactly attention-thirsty people who are just so desperate to flaunt ourselves in public.
Far from that, I just think it makes us feel natural and the truth is, I enjoyed it, it was fun to be doing something we enjoy and feel natural about.

I can't wait to post the photos and blog more about my roadshow very soon, I will definitely get to it soon, I promise =)

For now, let me enjoy that first few moments of liberty...;)

Self-mantra

2010-06-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

I wonder how many times can one say "I love my job/life" to believe that they truly, duly do NOT hate their job/life?

I think in most motivational talks, they always tell you to go up to a hundred, right?

Well, I can tell you, if I were to say "I Love my Job" for a hundred times, I still won't believe it.

On the other hand, it goes without saying that even if I don't recite "I hate my job", it will not make me believe it.

Ohhh, that doesn't mean my job makes me sick or I really do HATE my job, but there are just those days when you feel that you are just sick of everything and you just subconsciously say "Oh, I am starting to hate my job!"
You know what I mean...

Otherwise, who would want to hate something which gives them money to feed themselves and dress them from top to toe?

So, here goes, please say it with me..."I Love my job"....

Sad...and not helping with motivation

2010-06-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

This is not another drag or negative post; but I just want to express how I felt about another news I have just heard yesterday.

One of my new colleagues in my team; she just joined 3 months ago, is leaving us.
She has tendered her resignation and will be leaving on Friday.

I just received another email from her, stating that she is actually leaving today, using up her one day of annual leave for tomorrow.

I do feel shocked when I first read her email yesterday (the girl was so nice to write me an email to inform me of her decision) and it then turned to sadness as I am losing yet another nice colleague.
It's rare to find people who clicks with you and is capable to do their job well (I am sure she can do her job really well)

At the same time, I guess she has made a good decision and to move on with her next path; just a different path to her own life success and I am happy for her though I wonder whether I am still motivated to stay on this path.

I am not succumbing to peer pressure, in case some of you think I am, but of late, I am slowly losing my own motivation as well, and I am not revealing the reasons here in the blog as this is rather personal but suffice to say that I am also plagued with different issues at the same time besides my own career which throws me into a huge pit of dilemma.

I feel suffocated at times, and whenever I hear of people leaving, I couldn't help long after that envious feeling of untasted liberation.

Perhaps that is a sign that I am also about to head to liberty soon?

I don't know, and I don't want to feel so negative.

I am happy but I just couldn't help feeling sad with news like these as I know I am going to miss great people like these around me.

Meeting and departing is always part and parcel of life, and I accept and respect that.

I am wondering about my own path sometimes, and the roads not taken, can they be taken at any point of time again?
I know they can, it is always a choice.

Sometimes, although I have said this time and time again, I truly wished I had the power to turn back time...

P.S: I've received the farewell email from this lovely girl, and it was like an exclusive email which was only directed to 5 of us in the whole company.
LOL, I feel like an honored VIP guest right now...and I shall let this feeling stay for 5 seconds, 4...3...2..1, okay, snap back to reality.

I truly pray for this kind soul as she disembarks from this path and embark on a new path to success =)

A silver lining?

2010-06-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
I received some bad news last night; after dinner when I reached home. It was piece of news delivered at the wrong time and I wished that it could have come later.
It was not that it was disaster-prone kind of devastating, but still distressing to an extent.

I am tired of being a nomad, and having to search high and low (electronically and physcially, that is) for another location.
I don't want to go into the details, period.
Enough said that I have just had enough of everything these days; work, people, etc.

Perhaps there was a little silver lining as the same topic initiated an actual conversation with my quiet housemate whom I have just merely exchanged a nod or smile so far or the most, good morning. Well, we exchanged our opinions and even shared a good laugh with each other!

I guess, whenever there is anything gray in the skies, there will always be a silver lining?

Well, it's back to the basic and I am back to square one....but I am loving the rain today, yeah, it rained again!
Another silver lining in store for me?

X.O.X.O

A beautiful and marvellous Monday

2010-06-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
I found myself having a hard time to wake up in the morning on Monday, and I think it is probably that the word Monday has seeped into my brain and influenced it to suppress the thought that Monday means anything near marvellous.
Much as I would love to snuggle under the blanket, I woke up anyway, and guess what, I was surprised by the gloomy and cool weather as I saw dark and heavy clouds looming in the skies above.
I was thinking to myself, "Maybe this is just another false alarm for rainy day again". I mean, who are we kidding, we have been deceived again and again by the rainy days which were supposed to take place after March/April and to this day, we are still suffering under the scorching heat of the sun.
Anyway, I was really in for a surprise, diary, as it started to rain half an hour before I was ready to step out to work (just the mere mention of it makes me queasy).
I LOVED the weather, you know how much I love rain, and much as I hate getting myself or my outfit, bag and even shoes to be pelted with the raindrops and then soaked through, I still welcome the rain with open arms!
Not long though, as I had to endure bad traffic. You know, diary, it was also coincidentally the first day of school after a 2-weeks school holidays (speaking of which, I am starting to dread this period), and traffic was just, hideous!
It continued to rain for the whole day, and I was even drenched!

It made my Monday perfect though; despite me feeling rather in glooms going to work...but it is now, marvellous, and magical...all thanks to the dear ol' friend, named rain =)

Gastro vs gastritis

2010-06-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

I had the most unpleasant last week.

It was a struggle, or rather, a battle between my gastrointestinal vs my gastroentitis problem.
I don't know which ignited the battle, but it started off really painful and uncomfortable.

With the sharp pain in the abdomen and stomach and later, even the chest area, I even suffered from diarrhoea and nausea (thank God there was no vomiting although that almost happened at one point)

I was really pale on that day I went to work after suffering from that bout which I dismissed off as just plain gastric and popped my usual pink tablets to soothe the stomach.
However, I sensed something amiss when the pain seemed to make me really uncomfortable and I kept feeling nauseous.

I made a trip to the doctor the next day, and was diagnosed with food poisoning (that was already the third day).
The doctor even told me that besides the gastrointestinal issues related to the food poisoning, it could have even started off the gastritis problems and hence, I was put on medication for both.

I had to stay off solids and fibre food to avoid purging; and was told to have home-cooked food.

My diet list?
Porridge, broth, beverages...ughs, I don't like either of them =(

Call me picky, but I really hate porridge and don't even want to abide by them even when I am seriously ill. (annoying me, I know)

I finished the medication, and was even on two days MC as I was seriously in pain.

By the 3rd day, I still feel something amiss and I was already starting to worry, as the medicine did not work and I was still feeling uncomfortable.
It is really weird, as usually when I am put on my usual combination of gastric medication, I recover or at least feel better after 2-3 rounds of it.

I am almost done with the medication and I still feel awful and I decided, I had to go to the doctor again, for the second time, although it was a Saturday already (yeah, I seldom do that)

The doctor was baffled as well, and I was already asking whether I need a reason to worry or should I be undergoing further scans or blood tests.

Thank God she told me that there is nothing to worry about and even asked, whether I was undergoing any stress at work or personal life lately.

She told me to just relax during the weekend and try to have as much home-cooked food as possible.
She even told me that I should learn how to cook myself or else, marry/find someone who can cook well...like her own son! LOL!
Was my doctor matchmaking me or what?

Anyway, she changed my whole set of medication and put me on the medication which can reduce both problems.

Thank God, I started feeling better the next day although the occasional pain is still there and I still feel uncomfortable after meals.

I am recovering and getting better, and then, the haze came.
Now, I am starting to worry about my sinusitis and sensitive skin...now you tell me, how can I not be stressed about my life or work?

It doesn't get any worse?

2010-05-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought everything will be fine at the end of the month; I am hoarded by a few more things which makes me feel like I just want to scream really loudly.

My car, to report, has been touched up and has been bailed out of the workshop yesterday, when I landed.
All is good, but something else is not.

My luggage which I brought with me on my business trip to KL, and which I checked in (I seldom do) was damaged when I got it.
I lodged a report with the Baggage services counter and after a few haggling with them (they claimed that they don't do minor damages or anything that is inscripted on their liability notice, which to me, is pretty much everything else and I told them off), they lodged my report, and I had to leave my poor bag with them to be fixed.

At work, I had to deal with crazy work schedules which couldn't get any crazier, and moody people who were all immersed in the stressful environment surrounding us.
I had to deal with a delivery problem regarding a new customer and it is just stressful (or maybe i am the one worrying too much)

Not just that, just when I thought I could go for a short holiday with my friends, I realized that I got the dates wrong!
They went without me, of course, since I was not able to make it...BUMMER!

Ahhhhhh......can anything else get any worse?

I hope not....

I wish for a peaceful week and weekend...and many more to come...I just want a breather

Is it wrong to honk?

2010-05-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make: I honked wrongly yesterday, at the wrong person; someone I should never have honked.

Let me start with my story; a brief one assured.

I was driving to work as usual in the morning, and I stopped at a traffic light (I was the 2nd or third car in line)
On the left was a turning junction.

When the lights were turning green, there was a Proton aeroback which stopped on the left and was trying to jump the queue by cutting into the line.

The cars before me ignored her, and I did so too (remember I totally despise queue-jumpers?)
She did not give up and was swerving her car dangerously towards mine, still insisting on moving into my line.

I was shocked and I HONKED!
At the same time, although reluctantly, I had no choice but to let her in as she was steering her car right and it was so close, it almost hit my head lights.
(after my recent accident, I was cautious and just decided to give in)

When her car took its place in front of mine, I looked up and still reeling from the frustration, I saw something plastered on the back screen of the car which caught my eye, steering my attention away from her car plate number.

There, on the screen was a sticker to indicate that the driver is an invalid/disabled person.

Imagine my horror and shock when I saw that, I felt really guilty at that point!

The story does not end there; while I was feeling guilty, the driver in front was still swerving her car dangerously as she was trying to gain control of her car (I think she's not familiar with the driving).

Fortunately though, she tried to keep to the left and I was not intent to overtake her but as she continued to swerve dangerously, I listened to myself and put on my signal to overtake her.

I kept looking at my rear mirror and there was this nagging guilt inside me.

Was I wrong to honk at her?

I am not trying to justify my actions here; but I really had no idea that she was a disabled person.
Secondly, when a car swerves dangerously towards your own car, even if you seldom honk at people, there is a need to sound the horn to alert the driver that you are on his/her side, right?

I don't know, I felt awful although everyone tells me I am not wrong, and she was in the wrong.

I just felt ever so guilty, and I pray that she will not feel bad/humiliated by the incident.

Ms or Madam, whoever you are, I really did not mean to honk at you, I just hope that you will drive more carefully in the future.

Spice up!

2010-05-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I start to feel like my lifestyle is falling into a dreary old pattern and it just feels like a repetition of the day before.

Wake up, go to work (8 hours), eat, go home, bathe, watch tv/read and sleep and then back to the first instance again.

It feels like my life has just been set as a loop with a counter which just resets itself each time I go to sleep and only changes after 5 counts whereby the weekend will be slightly different.

How different, not that much either, sometimes I feel that the weekends are not that exciting anymore.
It is not that I am so boring but the weather and work has leading to me being lethargic and just numb to my surroundings.

It is scary, and I just don't want to waste my life away like this....

Age is another factor I presume, as we grow older, we do not seem to find excitement in the things we used to jump up and down about when we were in our teens.
Perhaps we have strengthened the conventions for ourselves and constantly remind ourselves to stick to it?

I am glad that I at least realize that my routine is boring and can at least try to spice it up a little.

I think our minds are the most powerful control system in the world; it just snaps into lazy mode and that's where we start to allow ourselves to just drag our feet without any sense of motivation.

The weather is partly to blame for my lacking in the fashion section.
It has been so hot and humid lately that everyone just feels lazy and just want to slip on an airy and comfortable (preferably cotton) outfit and easy-to-slip-on sandals.

I don't even feel like making myself look particularly fashionable; although I still made sure that I look appropriate to walk out that door.

It is really sickening to feel that I have been slacking in keeping myself but at least I still do realize it and well, to spice things up a little, at least I find fun in organizing my wardrobe and arranging my work wear (work again!) for the week.

Oh of course, colors are vital to make me feel vibrant and cheerful....as long as they are cotton and light material please!

Sick is the most annoying thing in the world

2010-05-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

After battling some unusual/unwanted/unwelcome zits on my face for a week or so, I was finally ready to heave a sigh of relief when they were gone.

However, I did not prepare for myself to fall sick, and badly too!

I was kinda happy that I have been healthy for the past few months and was trying to set a record not to fall sick (or I was also just plain too busy to be sick), and then it just hit and I cannot ignore it as the sinus pains were just too bad to bear.

Following the sinus pains, come the flu and the throat.
Gosh, I took almost 5-7 days to fully recover and walk on my feet in a stable condition without feeling dizzy or wobbly when I walk for a while.

The medicine had a strong effect on me too as I felt really weak and had a hard time breathing.
As if that is not enough, I could not get to sleep at night although the flu medicine was supposed to cause drowsiness.

It was really one of the worst points in life when you feel sick, weak and helpless and constantly tired all the time.

I am happy that I am finally back; although my breathing is still a little weak due to the lousy weather.

When I was sick, I kinda missed going out...no, not to work lar...I just had a sudden urge to go shopping or walk around and enjoy browsing around.

Maybe that is always what keeps our willpower to recover? =)

What to do during this weekend...

2010-04-23T01:46:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I definitely need more rest and relaxation!
I need to catch up on rejuvenating myself and just enjoy a quiet weekend =)

Of course, besides that, I have a few other things in my mind:
1. Catch up on some movies/dramas - if time permits, I do wanna go to the cinema
2. Read - it's time to finish a few more books and get back to my reading
3. Go shopping - grocery, fruits, and window shopping (furnitures, clothes, bags...sighs)
4. Cleaning up my room and doing my laundry (usual itinerary for the weekend)
5. Enjoy a good meal, especially on lovely Saturday evening
6. Bring my car for a good wash as well =)
7. Planning for the next weekend!
8. Have a good dim sum breakfast!

I think I may have been overly ambitious, looking at the list, but, I just hope I don't end up even more exhausted than where I started!

Happy weekend to me and to all of you!~

Holiday mood after a short break~

2010-04-23T01:11:00.000-07:00

After a short but sweet weekend escapade over the weekend (which resulted in my over-exhaustion since I had to travel again for business a day after), I am starting to look forward and dream of more holidays and vacations to come.

A break is indeed good to refresh our physical selves and awaken our senses, but sometimes it can really lead to that feeling of vacation-lag; where you are still stuck in the mode of vacation.

Oh, to enjoy your no-schedule and free time throughout the day; meeting-free and no working hours to follow, and walk around in your own leisure, doing anything you want and taking photos of everything and planning what to blog right ahead...that, to me, was pure bliss!

I do want to go for holidays and vacations but of course, I do not want to compromise my work and financial support at the same time.

It is just nice to have the dream and planning that holiday, which may seem far away but it is still fun to step into that vacation zone once in a while.

For me, haha, I am always in a holiday mood and game for a vacation any time!

Time for more vacations, I do need and want....and I am sure it is the same for everyone...

What's the best time to dream about it if not on Friday? =P

Going for a short break...

2010-04-16T00:59:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy crazy week, not to mention the month!
I have been traveling up and down; north and south and my activities on my Outlook calendar have been filled to the brim.

I am exhausted, and time for rest has been shortened.
I get home, I just had time to take a bath, dinner and then, I am about to plonk my head onto the pillow and just doze off.
When I wake up the next morning, body and eyes just felt so heavy.

yeah, I am that tired.
Oh, I am not complaining, as things are moving up and work is okay, not too bad (ignoring the negative parts for now and just focusing on building my own happiness around my own work)

I am looking forward to a short break, to relax and also, to regain my senses, LOL.
My hands, ergonomic problems are back and I have been relaxing my right hand for more than 3 weeks now but the pains and aches are still there, sighs.
Maybe time to see a doctor if things do not improve.

It's Friday, finally, and rain is pouring really heavily out there now, for the first time since last week.
I am so glad, and my spirits are just high, although I have to worry about jams and flash floods on my way home in an hour =P

I can't wait to take a break...although things are a little tight recently, and there has been restrictions on breaks...which, I may reveal more in my Angelstar blog.

Happy Friday, TGIF...I am happy it is finally the end of the week!
I need my break =)

A wedding and a reunion

2010-04-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

I am looking forward to an old girl friend's wedding this weekend; in fact, it is also a chance to catch up again with a bunch of old and long time girl friends whom I have known way back even before we have registered IDs of our own.

It was a long and nostalgic walk down the memory lane; the six of us who have been with each other and formed that bond since primary school.
Together, we have gone through funny and happy times, and also the pain of separation as one left for another state to attend high school and the rest were all placed in different classes in high school.

After graduation, we further went our separate paths, and yet, we never forgot each other.
We have all found our jobs and some, found their partners, and today, we are celebrating a third wedding; one which we have long anticipated since the first day we knew about their relationship.
You see, even her husband-to-be used to be our classmate and they were together since primary school.
Everyone laughs when I tell them this, but it was a fact which we can all stand by and tell you how true though comical it is.

It is a wonderful opportunity to meet up and be with them once again, to celebrate such a lovely and special occasion.

I can't wait to be there, and I really look forward to this lovely reunion =)

My First Easter, away from home...

2010-04-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday was Easter Sunday, and it was always one of the best time of the year as we rejoice in the happy occasion of our Risen Lord Jesus Christ.

This year, I have been actively participating in all the masses leading to this joyous occasion and even rushed for Holy Thursday mass and Good Friday service after work.
One thing was different though this year; which was evident when Holy Saturday came.

I always travel home after Good Friday service every year without fail; ever since I stayed away from home starting from university days.
Perhaps there was one Easter where I was still in uni which I also could not make it home in time, and ended up celebrating Easter with my friends on campus.

However, since I have started working, I have never missed a single Easter celebration back at home, attending my favorite Easter vigil mass with my family on Holy Saturday.

This year, I had to hold back my plans as I was scheduled to travel the following weekend after Easter (which was this weekend) and therefore, my parents advised me not to travel twice as it was tiring and also not cost-effective.
I thought so too, as work has been tedious and tough and I had to endure long hours at the computer, working everything out and therefore, I could not afford to weaken my body immunity system.
Funnily, I often fall sick each time I travel back home and when I get back here.

Anyway, I did not feel the impact of the celebration away from home as I was attending all the mass and service and the loneliness only hit me after the Good Friday service as I knew that come Holy Saturday, I would have to attend mass alone with the candle in my hand.

It was sad, to realize that I could not be with my family and also the meeting up with friends at the church after the mass

When I was at the church here attending the Holy Easter Vigil mass with a good companion (thank you very much), I looked around forlornly and realized that I am not going to see familiar faces popping out and waving at me, nor am I gonna be surprised by pats on my shoulder or back after mass by old friends who used to attend Sunday school or masses with me.

Anyway, pushing those loneliness and missing the family aside, Easter mass was indeed a blast here in the Holy Spirit Cathedral and somehow, I guess God just wanted to make me feel happy as well (I always find God's actions displayed in one way or another to associate with how he answers my prayers, which made me feel truly comforted by his presence).
The choir was great, the songs were good and best of all, it even rained that night (though not so great when the whole bonfire had to carried out at the main entrance of the church and we do not get to participate in it)

On Easter Sunday itself, I had a day where I was treated like a princess and it even felt like it was my birthday celebration as well.

I don't feel lonely or upset anymore, as I know the Lord reigns in me and I am happy because of that!
Furthermore, I have a happy occasion to look forward to, this coming weekend and I am going home! =)

Happy Easter everyone, and it's still Easter, so I am still in the celebrating and festive mood =D

Time to move on?

2010-04-07T23:41:00.000-07:00

I do not how or why, but somehow there are times I wonder whether I have indeed made a right or wise decision

Things are getting a little wacky, and sometimes I just feel like I do not want to bother about it.
I have tried my best to amend everything possible, and yet, I feel like I was being a victim most of the time.

Life is unfair, of course I know about that, but I don't give up easily, in fact, I work even harder when things don't work my way
I am a clear example of "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going"

I am never one who purely gives up without any fight, and I will firmly fight my way towards what I believe in

However, when I do not believe in it, that is a different story

I want to be happy, to be passionate about what I do, and to be proud of what I can achieve with my great capabilitiess and not to be in doubt or restlessness.

Sometimes I feel like I am not happy with whatever I am doing, and yet, I know practically, it does gives material satisfaction.

I am one confused person at this point and am in the midst of sorting things out, hopefully, I can have the answer soon...

In the meantime, I won't give up, I am a fighting and determined girl, remember? =)

The best people in the world

2010-03-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

During the months of frustration and stress which I went through (and still going through), I was constantly on a high mode of restlessness and also agitation.

It was hard to calm down and feel relaxed.

At work, people tend to come across my mind as pretentious and also insincere and I end up not knowing who to trust or whom I can talk to, at least (not as in a confidante), but just simply sharing a light banter without worrying about what people will say or use in return against myself.
It is really hard to be constantly wearing an armor against everyone else; it's like being constantly on a battlefield! (reminds me of Jordin Sparks' Battlefield)

The only people I know who would not betray or harm me are those closest to me; especially my family.

They were the only ones who would always be there even when the whole world turns against me or wants to bring me down; without any questions asked.
I am really thankful for their silent support and for their constant motivation.

It got me thinking, sometimes we tend to hurt people we love when we are hurt by others.
It is just so cruel.

Think of it this way, when others hurt us, we feel really upset and angry and yet, we do not react.
But when our family voice a word or two out of concern, we pounce onto them like they were our real enemies.

The worst kind of harm/hurt is not inflicted by others/strangers, but by people whom we love and care for the most.

Sometimes, we are just too blinded by materials out there that we tend to neglect this fact as we try to maintain a good and healthy image in front of others.

I really thank my whole family for their love and caring support during my times of turbulence which is continuous; but with their steadfast love and concern for me, I will not feel depressed or demotivated anymore.

They are truly the BEST people in the world, or at least and especially to me! =)

My (worrying) recurring ergo problem

2010-03-23T16:47:00.000-07:00

I am in town; for my short (making it very short) business trip...as I have posted in my Angelstar blog.

Anyway, I woke up this morning, with the bugging slow burning sensation in my right hand.
I know that feeling; it is that recurring ache on my palm and hand...due to the ergonomical problem

It is also caused by repetitive stress on the hand due to long usage of computers or machines which could lead to a permanent injury.
If it gets serious, there would be a need for surgery as the repetitive stress injury (RSI) could lead to the more threatening Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS)

I am worried and my escalating worry has every reason to be concerned as recently, one of my aunts has just undergone a surgery on her right hand as well; for CTS.
She is not even in IT field (more common)!

It's time to relax those muscles again....I hope I don't have to take a break from blogging just yet as I am really getting back into my blogging routine...and mood!!

I pray I recover soon...

Casablanca just keeps going...

2010-03-22T01:26:00.000-07:00

This song keeps playing on my mind since I heard it the other day

It just keeps going and going on my mind; not that I mind it since I personally love this song too and the movie, oh gosh, one of the most memorable ones and who could forget Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman ^-^

I fell in love with you watching Casablanca
Back row of the drive in show in the flickering light
Popcorn and cokes beneath the stars became champagne and caviar
Making love on a long hot summers night

I thought you fell in love with me watching Casablance
Holding hands 'neath the paddle fans in Rick's Candle lit cafe
Hiding in the shadows from the spies. Moroccan moonlight in your eyes
Making magic at the movies in my old chevrolet

Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh
Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by

I guess there're many broken hearts in Casablanca
You know I've never really been there. so, I don't know
I guess our love story will never be seen on the big wide silver screen
But it hurt just as bad when I had to watch you go

Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh
Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by
Oh! A kiss is still a kiss in Casablanca
But a kiss is not a kiss without your sigh

Please come back to me in Casablanca
I love you more and more each day as time goes by
I love you more and more each day as time goes by

Casablanca~~

Burning out...

2010-03-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

Stressed these days and I think I am on the verge of burning out soon

Oh no, seems like my days in history are repeating itself again.
Life's been crazy since the start of this year; trying to avoid the topic of superstition but looks to me that this year didn't exactly start off that good for me, sadly.

I had a few mishaps and injuries; which left bruises and abrasion traces on my knees and hands, and then I choked on my food/drink, and I had serious food poisoning and gastric problems, body aches, headaches and even allergies.
Gosh, everything is just wrong and to add to the whole picture, I even had a minor accident during CNY.

Great way to start my year...

Work's been really busy, and added responsibilities always come with a cost
It's nice to be recognized by the bosses on what you are doing and yet, when the recognition comes with additional pressure and expectations, that is another matter.

I am always geared up for challenges, and I push myself to compete against...myself but I do realize that when we go in fast mode all the time, we will eventually burn ourselves out and that's not that desirable.

I want to take a seat back and relax but unfortunately, things and time do not allow me to do that.

I am slowly burning myself out....sighs, time to do something happy and motivate myself! =)
Another thing I've noticed, stress does have an effect on our skin and the way we look!

Time for wedding bells?

2010-03-19T07:22:00.000-07:00

I have just received yet another wedding invitation card; coming from one of my old girl friend whom I have known all the way from primary school
There were six of us in the group; all pretty close to each other.

We were really attached to each other; though sometimes I don't feel it was that intimate of a bond but yet, we stuck with each other until today

We used to talk about which one in the group would get married first and who would be the last and the talk always come to this girl as she had met her boyfriend in Standard Six (same class with us) and they have been with each other since

It was really sweet that their love was just so strong and we were all genuinely happy for her

Fast forward to today and she was not the first to get married though
Two of the other girl friends in the group had gotten married; one married the year before, one last year and she will be marrying next month

As I have said, don't you just have to believe in fate/destiny?
Typically the ones you least expect will be the ones who give you the unexpected in return

The first to get married in the group?
She was the quietest and innocent, and we don't recall her being close to any guy in school even and now she is married to someone out of league (I mean, really OUT of our league but I will not get into the details here as this is her privacy)

Now there are three who have already gotten married and there are only three left; well, accurately 50% of the group who are still single and unmarried

That is not the only thing, I have been receiving endless counts of wedding invitations since two years ago, with last year being the highest in record

I guess it is about time for people my age to settle down at this age?
Not succumbing to peer pressure, I try to let this slip past my mind when I hear questions being bombarded my way about my own wedding day as well
Hahaha.....I guess, I will just leave it to time and destiny...

Things like these cannot be rushed, after all, it involves our lifetime happiness!

Mass marriages among my peers do not mean I should just join in the crowd and get myself a marriage certificate immediately
The time will come when it comes...or when the proposal comes...LOL

My best wishes to all those who are getting married, I have always believed in the sacred and beautiful union which ties and bind two people in love with each other

Wedding bells ring again....this will be a very busy year....
Don't ask me when's my turn again yeah....it will come when it comes... =)

Listening to a love song~

2010-03-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden, I just wanted to listen to a love song....
A lovely and slow song, and the track from Boyzone somehow just came to my mind..

Everyday I love you...

I don't know but I believe
That some things were meant to be

It is true, a lot of things are just meant to be
We cannot force things against nature

I just love the soothing sound of this song...

Retreat?

2010-03-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

I wanna go for a retreat; I have spotted one organized for the church youths in Malaysia and I really want to go for it.
Thing is, I don't even know whether my schedule will fit or whether there is any business trip at that time.

Things have been crazy and all my trips can be so last minute!!

Recently, there were a lot of things on my mind and also on my chest; where it's a challenge to even catch a breath.
I know life's like that, we have to be ready for the good times, the bad times and also, the busy times.

There are things that are really not favourable in my work, and I am facing tremendous stress from it despite being comforted by everyone (including my boss) that it's okay, and that I don't have to worry a thing about it.
Unfortunately, I just can't get it off my mind, perhaps I just do not like perfection (that's so me)

It bothers me to no end, but I am not entirely de-motivated from the things that I am doing right.
I guess this is just my "low-tide" period, and I have to be brave to face it.

Somehow, I know that this is not something that I should allow to kill me, but to make me a better, smarter and stronger person.
That is how we all learn since toddler stage, right?

I am always a very positive and optimistic person, and I really believe this will all go away, with clear skies in the end.

Well, I wanna go for a retreat and also to relax and to learn to unwind myself and let go of things around me.
Finding solace in God's presence is always comforting for me...I am not running away from matters, but I would like more solitary time...

Sometimes, that's all one would need...to retreat...

My panic attack...

2010-03-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

Saturday was as usual lovely, for me, but last weekend, I was really frantic over a small incident which had me panicky and really upset.

I was in the car, on my way home after a simple dinner and I just brushed past my own neck and looked down at my crucifix pendant, that was hanging onto my necklace.
I was surprised when I noticed tha the clasp was loose on the necklace and the pendant just fell into my hand.

This has never happened before, I thought to myself.
I brushed off all funny thoughts that may start to creep into my imaginative mind and tried to string the pendant back into the necklace and fasten the clasp.
However, surprisingly, each time I tug the pendant back into place, it fell out again into my hand.

I was getting anxious and suddenly, the pendant fell out of my hand and dropped to the side of my seat.
(You know the narrow gap between the middle compartment and your seat; where you could see the cushion lining.
I could see the pendant there, gleaming brightly, since it was gold.

I put in my tiny fingers, all the while telling myself, keep calm, just take it easy.
The pendant slipped and sank in further into the cushion and I tried to use a thin card to push it out but to no avail, in fact, it sank even further!
Soon, the pendant was nowhere to be seen!

I was really panicky and totally lost it, I was really worried that it may have gotten stuck under the seat; or worse, crushed by the mechanism (metal piece) which moves our seat forward and backward.

It was a horrifying moment at that time as all sorts of thoughts raced through my mind and I was really afraid to lose that pendant.
This crucifix pendant was given by my mummy, it was a gift from my daddy to her and she gave it to me, seeing how much I loved it and I have been wearing it on my necklace ever since.
It is not easy to find a crucifix pendant these days and I just love wearing it.
Furthermore, I don't even take it off, not even for a moment unless when I am required to in certain conditions, but those are really rare occasions.

It took us close to an hour to located the crucifix pendant which had somehow slipped underneath the seat and was stuck between the seat and the carpet.

Words cannot describe that feeling I had when I saw the crucifix; undamaged and staring back at me in its golden shining self.
I was so happy and touched that I cried, happy tears were flowing down my cheeks.

I am always upset when it comes to losing my belongings; be it a cheap or expensive thing, a new or a long time possession.
Perhaps it is because of my personal and emotional attachment to each and every item which belongs to me, I just could not bear to imagine losing them at all.

Thank God that I could retrieve the crucifix, or else, I will probably go mad or something =P
Thank God Thank God!

Busy beeeee

2010-03-11T23:52:00.000-08:00

I was as busy as a bee for the past week and I presume it will continue for some time.
It is a good and bad news at the same time as I will be totally breathless catching up with all the pace.

At the same time, I am looking forward to a hectic schedule of a meaningful working life and learning environment.
It sounds crazy and contradictory I know, but I just enjoy being busy, sometimes =)

That is why I cannot understand why people would try their best to avoid going to work by making up all sorts of excuses so that they don't have to go to work or do anything (example, a colleague of mine).
However, I can fully understand when someone experiences burnout period as I have gone through that same period before myself.

Perhaps it was my over-aggressive self when I first started working which pushed me beyond the limits and eventually, I felt tired when I was being pushed around.
Funny how initially, I was the one pushing myself out and when the bubble bursts, I start to despise how people would take advantage of me and push me around.
At one point, I was even tired of work.

Those were the days and now, as I am constantly rushing myself around and meeting all those expectations and deadlines, and I found myself praying that I won't get burnt out again as I was really worried with the pace and rate that I am going at the moment.
It is good to be busy but when we pushed ourselves too much, we could end up feeling fed up of it all, the neverending tidal waves.

Anyway, I am at the point of working myself but I will also ensure that my leisure activities keep up in my life to create that perfect balance =)

Blogging, photography, exercise, vacation (I do really need a break this year!!!),field trips, gatherings, books, and shopping...those would really help a lot....
So, see, how can I stay away from being busy? ;)

What a girl wants...

2010-03-11T23:19:00.000-08:00

Every girl has their own wish lists of dreams that they wish would come true some day...of course, even guys do...

There are so many things that a girl would want, and all of a sudden I have this thought and just decided to jot some of mine down..

It seems to be the perfect day (it's Friday) to do so, and hope that we can sleep through these dreams.

A girl wants a lot of things, but let's not be greedy here and focus on what particularly do I have in mind which is probably a gist of the whole picture

1. Freedom to do whatever I want in life; inclusive of choosing the person I want to be, my own career path and my relationship status

2. The financial ability to buy our own stuffs and fund our own shopping (clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, and for me, BOOKS!)

3. A place we can call our own; our very own home and personal space and having that liberty to furnish/design it to our liking

4. To be respected as a woman and not often looked down as the weaker sex

5. To truly and madly be loved and in love with that one person who will think the world of you and not treat you like crap.

6. To find that Mr Right or dashing prince in a shining armour; your soul mate for life who trusts and loves you for who you are and is your most trusted best friend.

7. To have accomplished one great thing in life; for me, I would definitely want to make it in my writing. I just love writing! =)

8. To travel around the whole world; and to see the world through my very own eyes and be able to tell it to the next generation

9. To be able to help people who are out there who needs help wherever I can. It feels great when you know you can do something for someone else

10. To be spoilt and pampered at all times (now that's rather Brat-ty like, but it's nice, you know)

Those are probably the top 10 that every girl would want on their list; but that is my very own personal list and may differ from others since everyone is unique and have their own priorities.

Now, what else could I possibly want? *greed glimmers in eyes*

I am secretive, so what?

2010-03-10T23:07:00.000-08:00

A lot of people have secrets; or should I say every single person on earth has their own secret.
Just because some of us prefer to keep more to ourselves does not mean we are violating any rules of mankind.

Yours truly is also a person who likes to keep to herself, and most of the things that revolve around me; my emotions, my thoughts, my views, my happiness and unhappiness, my discomfort, my achievements, my failures, whatever it is, I have the choice to keep it to myself.
Perhaps a different way of looking at it is I just choose not to blow things in or out of proportion or I just don't think it's a big deal.
I like to be personal; and not broadcast my life like some celebrity in Tinseltown.
I think I have the right to do that.

It is unfair to be judged or even called secretive just because I don't publicly announce how many furniture I bought from Ikea or how many books I got from the cheap warehouse sales, or even how many dresses are from the bazaar or Dorothy Perkins.
It is just my life, get it?

Yeah, I just had the urge to get this out here because there are people who unfairly accuse of being secretive of your own life and just get annoyed with you for the same reason.
I mean, hello, this is my life, and my decisions, what has that got to do with some of you?

I think some of us need to learn the definition of secrets and personal life and not mix it up with broadcasting or celebrity's publicity.
Even the celebrities do not deserve to be stripped off their right to maintain anonymity about their lives.

If I want to buy a car, so be it
If I want to buy a house, that's my money
If I want to buy loads of books and build my own library in my own house, it's up to ME
If I want to fly to Polaris and stay there for the rest of my life and not tell anyone beforehand (except my own family), that is my CHOICE

I just don't want to hear that I am not telling anyone of whatever decision I am making.
I choose who I want to tell, and whoever's not in the list, too bad, just get off my back and live your own life!

Life's Like That

2010-03-07T22:41:00.001-08:00

Sometimes things come around
And they knock you down
When you get back up
And they knock you down, knock you down

I tend to agree with this lyrics which I have modified the words a little bit to describe life.
Things happen, when you are your most laid back point and when you think you can afford to slack a little
They come in a rush, hit you on the head and had you running with them in a race

When you get yourself up again, here they come again to punch you in the face and knock you down again
It's like a wave
It's like boxing
It's just life

Everytime when I think that the sea's just calm, then a tidal wave hits again

It is life, I know but sometimes you just wished that there are peaceful times all the way

I am referring to a recent incident at work; somehow it's always about work these days
I am getting worried that I am turning back into the workaholic I used to be
It is not good especially for my health
I just don't like it when everything revolves around work alone
I don't want to lose my life or losing the enjoyment or recreation that I enjoy, and in the process, lose my own identity.

I am tired of all the Venetian masks around me, it's just so exhausting to have to pretend like you don't know they're acting
It is revolting

However, I have come to accept that Life's like that; it is never a bed full of roses, and what we can do to control it?

Imagine it is a bed of roses if you want; but just look at it with care, as roses have thorns too and to enjoy roses, we have to accept that they come with thorns.
Being careful and alert will help us to enjoy the scent and beauty of roses; and without scratching our own fingers/skin too much!

My Birthday 2010..in a gist

2010-03-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

I just realized I have probably not blogged about my birthday this year yet.
I guess I have been bogged down by too many things that I need to backtrack.
After all, I have lost touch with my blogs for a while and believe it or not, I still have a long list of to-dos for my blogs.
(so many unpublished posts for my blogs!)

Well, somehow I felt it was rather uneventful this year (no offense to the people who have celebrated with me)
I just didn't feel that excited as previous years; I don't know why.
I was still happy and looking forward to it so much but yet at the same time, when the day came, I was just like, "Happy Birthday to myself"
Perhaps it's work, lifestyle, or stress or maybe the fact that as I grow older, I start to lose interest in celebrating my own birthday?
(I hope that last bit is not true because I still love my birthday very much; I know, I am self-centered/focused and I love myself)

My Dear, as usual, is always the busiest person around when it comes to my birthday. Starting from my birthday eve; which coincidentally was a Saturday this year, I had the treat to a seafood buffet at the newly opened Eastin Hotel in Penang (I will share the post on the food fiesta in my food blog =)
Anyway, the marvellous food spread led me to develop slight allergies 2 hours after dinner; but thank God, it was just a mild case and after antihistamines, I got it off =)

The next morning; the morning of my birthday, as usual, I always like to capture the early morning sun.

It is after all, a brand new day!! (A little tagline which I have adopted from Chicken Little; somehow I just love the sound of this optimistic line)

I was taken for a ride; and guess what, I was really lucky...really, it must have been my lucky day to have chanced upon a row of SPORTS cars!!!
I thought it was just my imagination or probably there was a road show or something as these cars were just parked right outside the 5-star hotel but no, they were really there and they belong to the guests of the hotel.

My favorite sports car was there; and not just one, it was a total of 4-5 of them! Each with their different design and style and even convertible version!

I saw a few other types of sports cars which are so rare not just in my country but in other countries as well.

Well, being the blogger/writer/photographer enthusiast as me (call it whatever you like), I could not resist to take photos of these beautiful babies and with them!

It felt like a dream come true; and the best part was, this was definitely not planned!
These babies are really beautiful!

My dream car =)

The morning encounter with these cars really lighted up my day; and the folks were really friendly people too; allowing people to admire and to snap photos of their cars.
Well, as the car jockey (whom we had a quick banter with) said, these are definitely for parading and not for parking indoors =)

I felt like Luck was definitely in place and that my Birthday luck was shining alright!
I saw these cars like 2-3 times on the island that day as they drove in a crowd.

Alrighty, what's birthday without a cake, even when yours truly is seriously not a fan of sweet stuffs (yeah, I may be the only girl on the planet who doesn't like sweet stuffs)

I don't mind birthday cakes; especially my own birthday as I find them symbolic and reminds you that you're having a birthday, how silly, right?
Laugh all you like, but that's me at my unique self (or contradictory self)

My birthday cake *proud*

(though it turned out to taste awful...ughs)

Happy Birthday to me!!~

Thanks to all my friends who have remembered my birthday and have wished me through text messages, emails, Facebook messages, phone calls, cards, etc.
A BIG hug for you and I am truly touched for your sweet thoughts of me on my favorite day =)

Special thanks to my beloved friends/sisters in Penang who have thrown me a surprise birthday party and Amy even specially baked me a cake and took care of my eating habits and went easy on the ingredients! I'm sure she had a hard time baking a cake like this! Many many hugs Amy, you're the best!!!~

Cheers for many more great times and may what I wished for come true =D

Dream about a Baby??

2010-03-04T19:56:00.000-08:00

I had a very weird and yet, I would say, adorable dream!

I dreamt that I was holding a very tiny baby in my hands; and I think it was definitely a baby boy.
He was really cute; and was just so tiny in comparison to my arms.
He had such round and beautiful eyes and he was just pretty active when I was holding him.

One unique thing about this baby though; was that his head kept tilting backwards and I remembered feeling nervous and anxious the whole way as I struggled to keep his head intact.
I think I was taking care of him or something because he seemed to be with me the whole time.

Someone made a bottle of milk and passed it to me, and the minute I stuck it into the baby's mouth, he was drinking it so fast!
Poor baby, he must be starving.

Another cute thing is, I don't recall him crying at all.
He just smiled and only kept tilting his head back (it got annoying at a point though)
I was handling him with extra care and surprisingly, I didn't even ask for help!~

Hmmmm....somehow the baby does look familiar...

My grand white dream

2010-03-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

A childhood dream this is; to someday have a grand white piano sitting on a white patio

I have always been awestruck by the magnificent view of this music instrument which always seem to make me feel calm and peaceful when I look at it.
I don't know, whenever I walk near a piano, somehow, I would often be overwhelmed by a strong sense of familiarity and nostalgia.

Something about past life, maybe, some would offer their explanation for this strong emotion felt.

Whether it is karma or not, I have always loved the sight of the grand white piano, and how I would love to place my fingers upon it and play a song.
Richard Clayderman I am definitely not; but I would still love to be able to relax and calm myself down with the soft serenade from this white instrument which is just alluring and calming.

Working Late..

2010-03-03T23:19:00.000-08:00

Back to work after CNY and I've expected myself to get real busy; with all the projects and assignments coming in.

Little did I expect myself to fall sick and see all hell breaks loose.
I don't understand how sometimes being sick could disrupt all the work; it feels like it is a solo performance.

Tired, I know and yet, I have to go on.

Yesterday, I am back to work after 2 days of MC where I could barely get up from the bed and already, I am running all over the places (in and out of the office) to get things done.
I felt faint intermittently; furthermore with the hot and humid weather and I was rushing from meetings to meetings.

I was on the verge of collapsing when I got off work; which was pretty late last night and to top it all off, I was stuck in a bad traffic jam when I left the last meeting place.

Tired, exhausted when I reach my place...

Sometimes I wonder, why do I like being busy?
Today is bound to be another working-late-day....

Adorable....

2010-02-16T01:44:00.000-08:00

I was shopping when I saw these adorable babies...
They are definitely going on my wish list of collection soon

I WANT THEM!!!

So cuteeeeeee...........

Happy Family

Cute baby

I Have this little bunny, thanks to someone =)

I want ALL....*a bit of greed admitted*

CUTE...Can't stop thinking of them ;-*

My not-so-new haircut

2010-02-16T01:09:00.000-08:00

Alright, finally after 3-4 months into this new hairstyle which I have promised to post, the snapshots of my new look is finally here.

This is how I've transformed from the moment I had my hair cut (far left) till Christmas.

I was a little upset initially, to be frank when I had my hair cut although I decided to trim my hair in the first place.
However, my hairstylist decided to be more creative and just snipped my hair off tad a little too short to my liking.

It had been so long since I've last felt so upset with my haircut, and this was definitely one of them.

However, slowly, well, I guess I just grew into the new hairstyle and even started liking how it looked on me.
Oh sure, it takes a little of time to groom it daily, but I kinda liked it.

I've had mixed compliments/feedbacks on this hairstyle; but most of them were good =)

Hehehe, guess I was upset for nothing after all? =P
Since it's the trend these days to have short hair, it is not such a bad thing after all =D

A few hours more...

2010-01-09T06:27:00.000-08:00

Oooo...I am so happieee and excited...it's just one of my favorite moments leading to my favorite day of the year!!~

Hahaahahaha...call me crazy but I just love to do this "me" countdown for myself...after all it is my special day and I think I deserve some attention for myself!~

I feel so happyyyy; this is definitely my favorite day of the year and I just love it so much that I have even started celebrating from the day before; declaring it the eve...LOL.
If that's not enough, you are bound to see/hear or read about my exceptionally good mood throughout the entire month, because again, it is also my favorite month!!! (next to December!)

I know it is really getting crazy now....some may start to think I am out of my mind...but I am just happpyyyyyyyy

Can't wait....smiles to self...

It's a few hours more only....YEAYYYYY!!!~ =D

A Glimpse of Year 2009

2010-01-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

Finally, my collage is ready....and I can steal a few glances back to the year 2009...a year that just left us a week ago.

Looking back at the year it was, it was definitely one full of surprises, events and of course, challenges; not to mention lots of fun as well along the way.

Life's like that anyway, we can't expect it to be a bed of roses, can we?
I definitely did not tread on a bed of roses last year....but there were things worth learning from and to improve...

Now, 2009 in review...
1. An old friend of mine got married on my birthday =) So, I will sharing my birthday with her wedding anniversary every year now...

2. For the first time in my life, I actually fell sick on my own birthday, which upset me pretty much but, as I've vowed to be very happy on my birthday, I didn't let it bother me at all! =D
(I do hope that it will NEVER happen again!)

3. I finally found a nice place with nice housemates during my job tenure here back in Penang and I love the place!!

4. Whip up own steamboat at my own place...and I also learnt to cook barley, red bean and green bean soup, and also lotus seeds with snow fungus *PROUD*

5. Exercise around my block; it was really FUN!! =) I want to maintain a good and healthy lifestyle~

6. Said goodbye to Botanical Gardens before they removed most of the plants from the garden.

7. Farewell to the curls I got last year; no more curls for me. My hair is finally back to being its natural straight and I've even had a few haircuts last year; the shortest being towards the end of the year =P

8. Experienced successes and downfalls in my own career; and was assigned to tasks with more responsibilities which included handling a few major key accounts for the company.
A new experience; new things to learn.

9. Voiced out dissatisfactions at work; and to fight for my own rights.

10. This is one bad one; left my blog idle for a while =(

11. Started two new blogs; My Thoughts and my Words and also From Angelstar's Shelves. One is for my serious views on whatever is happening around us (article-based with a strong opinion) and the other is for all my beloved book reviews.

12. Gotten myself a whole armload of books with all the crazy book warehouse sales around last year.
I was definitely more than happy to add new books to my shelves!~

13. Caught up with most of my old friends; university mates, primary school friends, high school, and ex-colleagues!
It was definitely fun and enjoyable!~

14. Had a few moments of unfairness at work and also frustrating times!~

15. Attended more than 5 of my friends' weddings.....WOW!~

16. Was invited to a few food tasting session and enjoyed meeting all the other floggers/bloggers around Penang! They definitely ROCK!
I feel like I am an official blogger out of my blog already...hahaha, with all these social sessions.

17. Approached by advertisers and travel blogs to write articles and linking to my blogs. I've even had suppliers requesting me to test their products.
It was nothing big actually, and unfortunately, it didn't work out that ideally after all due to a few minor issues.
Nevertheless, I am happy to see these requests =)

18. I have FAN mail!! Yeahhh...I actually received emails from readers with comments and compliments for my blogs and even requesting for me to do write-ups on certain topics pertaining to their interests!
Thank you thank you!!~ =D

19. My good old pal; my little camera finally rested in peace after serving me daily for 4 good years.
Goodbye, you will definitely be missed!~

20. Became the only lady left in a male-dominated working team after my senior left the team in January and contributed to the overall team achievement by bringing up Penang/Northern region in a year.
Tough year and I'd never have done it without the support from other team members, friends and my family!~

21. Submitted a tribute poem for MJ (King of Pop) to The Sun and it was published! With a credit note from the editor himself =)
Finally, my poetry is back with me...I am definitely gonna write more poems this year =D

22. Grandma was hospitalized for a few times this year; with the most serious case last month before Winter Solstice and I shall continue to pray for her health and well-being.

Hmmmmm.......that was probably the summary of what had happened over the last year...
I can't recall anymore....but that was the gist of the good and bad and things I remembered which I hope to change or maintain for the coming years...

It was definitely another great year...and I look forward to more!!~ =D

Yeay for January!~

2010-01-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

Oh, it's a happy month, a happy time for me.

The first month of every year is always the most looked forward to anyway, and it is also especially special for myself =D

I am definitely all hyped up for this month, there are lots of things to look forward to....

I hope to update on it soon...and yeah, I have yet to upload my collage and photos of my new haircut...my hair's growing long again already loor....

Will update soon, I will get to finish compiling the whole collage! =D

2010...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-04T21:21:00.001-08:00

It's the NEW YEAR again and in a blink of an eye, we are already here at 2010!
(I am speaking like I've been brought forward by a time machine from Back to the Future =P )

As usual, I have my collage of my past year and also a bit of review to do on my past year achievements or things which I've failed to do; which will be ready pretty soon.

I have my list of resolutions too; some personal and emotional ones to meet for this year =)

It's all in a stride and I am looking forward to a great year ahead...ain't every year a great one anyway?

I would start the year by praising the Lord and to ask for his guidance in everything I do and to ask for his presence =)

Stay tune for more posts; my first resolution will definitely be to update this blog; daily, if possible with all my ups and downs for each day!!
How does that sound?

Stay tune for more updates...VERY SOON!~

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!~

Working?

2009-12-07T20:58:00.000-08:00

I've been working too much again, haven't I?

It's all about work again these days when I blog that I am starting to find it boring...

I need to get out of this circle of work....am I really working that much????

It's Here!

2009-11-30T21:39:00.000-08:00

It's here, it's here, it's FINALLY here....the wedding that I have been asked to me the MC =)
Well, not actually the master of ceremony as a whole...I am just the lector/cantor/commentator during the mass in the church

Anyway, it doesn't matter, either way, I am still excited and am looking forward to be helping a friend and to read the proceeds of the mass

It has been a while since I have been an MC and come to think of it, I do miss it once in a while *winks*

I have gotta start choosing my dress as this is the house of God, and I am proud to be there =)
Congrats to the bride, hopefully I can upload the pics soon...gotta ask a friend to help me out;)

P.S: I've gotta think of how to style my new hairstyle too....I've yet to post my pics of my short hair here, eh? =P

New Haircut

2009-11-23T20:58:00.000-08:00

Filled with regret!!
I regret going for a haircut after landing in Penang yesterday!

I should've waited; even though I needed a trim badly.
I just didn't expect the horrors of yesterday (old school) to come back and haunt me...because, I TRUSTED my hairdresser.

He made a mistake, I guess, most of the time, he's pretty accurate.
Somehow, yesterday, my hair ended up shorter than what I wanted.

I can't help sulking over it, I was upset but I didn't make him feel bad.
He blew it nicely for me to walk out of the salon; but I still wished it was longer.

Oh dear, this has relived my phobia of hairdressers and haircuts =(
I can't believe myself....

I was really down in the dumps last night; but then again, I kept telling myself, c'mon, is it really that bad?
Then I started thinking ways to cheer up myself and the positive ways to look at my haircut and myself in the mirror, listing all the good and lovely things about the haircut.

Seriously, it was tough, but after a while, I realized, "Hey, this haircut is kinda cute"
"It is different from my other hairstyles"
and the list goes on....

Well, I don't feel so bad now; although the dread do creep in occasionally =(

Anyway, there is nothing I can do at the moment, right? What's done is done, and what I need to live with is my choice, I can choose to be happy about it or brood over it until my hair grows longer which means I need to drown in misery for at least a month or two.

Nahhhh...life's too short for sadness and besides, being sad makes one grow older by years...

So, I am smiling, and yeah, it's starting to make me feel better.... =D

Do remind me to specify/emphasize that I just want a trim on my next trip to the hairdresser, though...=P

End of the year~

2009-10-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

How time flies! It's finally the end of the year already...well, technically though not nearly YET

We are already in the 4th quarter of the year; and well, it seems to me that it's as good as the end already and I just love this part of the year...
I don't know when it first started but I guess we have all been mechanically programmed to the thought of holidays since our school days.
Remember how the longest semester break always seems to linger around the end of the year? I guess that's where it all started and that's why I am part of the statistics who just love year end for the holidays.

When it comes to the thought of holidays, it is all about relaxation, isn't it?
Hahaha...I start to imagine about vacations...
Yeah, the reason why it's imagination is because I am too swamped up with work these days to even take a day's off.

I was supposed to take next Monday/Tuesday off...well, take a little trip home and join my best mates for a slumber party (Halloween-themed) and then celebrate All Saints Day and visit my grandparents's cemeteries on All Souls' Day...yeah, all in one weekend.
I have yet to utilize 70% of my annual leave, and frankly, even I did not realize that I have not been taking leave this year!
Have I been that into my work?

I really need a vacation soon...I am in a vacation mood but yet at the same time, I am still thinking about my work so much...
I do need to be cautious about overworking, otherwise, I will be burnt out soon

But...again, holiday seasons are here...Halloween, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving...birthdays and yeah, Christ's birthday is coming soon too....oh, for the love of the holidays~

Not so bad, after all...

2009-10-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

Things have been going good at the moment; well which is good as I have braced myself for the worst times.

Anyway, I guess this is the high tide times which I should be happy with; enjoying it and riding on the tidal waves of happiness and success.
Well, being the worry-wart me, I am still skeptical sometimes on the prospect of the looming bad times as well.
Perhaps I have been traumatized by some of the bad experiences?

Well, whatever, it seems that things are not looking that bleak anymore and I just need to learn to gear myself with the necessary equipment if the low tide is here again; anytime soon.

I am happyyyy...and yeah, it's good to be happy all the time...I like that!
Everything's fine now; except for the occasional hiccups in my sensitive health...and if you're one of those who's asking whether I am getting married, well, bin that...because we are talking about something else here =)

BE HAPPYYYY....I shall be.....as long as I want =D
A HUGE SMILE on my face, every day!

Vacation please....

2009-10-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

I really want to go on a vacation....well, it was kinda sudden...it's like a sudden impulse and a lightning which just struck!

Actually I've been wanting to go on a vacation this year; but I didn't have the time to as I was so busy working and I didn't put much thought to it.
At the same time, there does not seem to be much holidays for us for the last few months.
Some of the public holidays and their replacements were taken off by my company to be replaced during the festive seasons and as a result, we are working through all the replacement holidays as well.
I think I still have most of my annual leave days left and I am saving them...well, for some festive seasons and also for my own vacation.

Now, I really want to go for a vacation so badly...
I am checking up on the places to go to....I am dreaming of a vacation already....
It's towards the end of the year anyway, and for my company, the last fiscal year has ended and we have started the new fiscal year.

It's time for a vacation...I think I really need some time off to relax and just chill!!!!

***Dreams of the destinations for my vacations*** (I shall not reveal at the moment, to be updated in my travel blog)

My lil Ergo beanie

2009-10-14T00:06:00.000-07:00

I call this my little ergo-jelly-beanie!

Remember that I was having some discomfort with my right wrist which arose due to ergonomic problems?
Well, there are lots of ergonomic-friendly products out there; for your information to promote the healthy way and reducing the stress and tension on hands, neck, feet, back, etc.

I have another jelly beanie mousepad and used to have a long velvety wrist rest when I type on my keyboard at work; something which I really missed =(

Now, I got this as a gift from my good friend...THANKS THANKS!!
It's really cute and fun to use...and I really loved it a lot.

It is not a 100% help to reduce the discomfort but it was not too bad to play with sometimes.
Initially, I wanted to save it as I found it too cute to be used =P

If only it is also pink...LOL, then I will be very happy!!
But, since this is a gift, it's really cool already...and I must really thank that kind thought from this friend =)

It's portable and now, I bring it everywhere with me....wherever I got! =D

When justice speaks...

2009-10-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

I believe in justice; I do...really.
I always believed that justice will be done eventually....because good always triumphs over evil.

It may take some time, but the Judgment will always come and everyone will be meted their rightful punishment or if they have been good, only reward awaits them.

Some may tell me that this is wishful thinking, but I still hold on firm to this dear belief, despite being in a superficial and nasty world out there.

It is known that things can be unfair all the time, but I still believe that it is a matter of time before justice can truly triumph.

For those of you whom I have confided in over the past few months, you probably know a little here and there about my predicament at dealing with a certain individual who have posed certain threat to me.
Sometimes I feel like history has indeed repeated itself; I never wanted to harm or sabotage anyone at all at work or in anything I do...I don't even want to harm an ant or an insect sometimes.

However, it is inevitable that when you don't want to find trouble, trouble comes for you.
It's really sad sometimes, and I know some people do it out of insecurity, But, this is a BIG BUT, don't they think of how they could hurt others in the process as well?

I know that sometimes we need to be selfish, but not to the extent of posing threats and harm to others.
I feel revolted when I look at all the superficial and fake laughs and handshakes being passed around.
As if you could pretend that nothing had happened?

Last week, I felt that justice has spoken; not in a big way but rather, in just a small way but enough to make me leap back into the stronghold of my faith that Justice truly does exist.

I have wanted to be a lawyer at some point; well, something that just crossed my mind. It's probably due to how I've wanted to fight and help people who are being bullied by the ones in wealth and power who could buy justice.
Yeah, it sounded noble? Well, some say I may be stupid for not thinking of financial benefits before I do that...
It was the same with my initial ambition of being a doctor, I have always thought of helping people through the pain and their sufferings, and it does not matter who they are.
When they lie on the bed, they are just the same as everyone else and all you can see is how weak they are and it angers me sometimes when I read about how some doctors turn away their patients just because they are poor and have no money to pay for the downpayment before the hospital or the specialists agree to treat them.
The same goes for how some innocents could be convicted of a crime which they did not even lift a finger to do it...
I can't say much now, since I am neither a doctor or a lawyer right? I don't want to pass judgment on anyone or anything pertaining to the two fields...

I know, life is full of injustice...and it is just everywhere, whether we like it or not and I am constantly in this push and pull situation.
I felt that I am suffocating in a world of pretense and fictitious people; beings who can stab you in the back and yet put their arms around you to hug you a few seconds later.

It is just so disgusting sometimes!

Well, I was pleased with something which happened last week...and I felt that I was not alone in a warring battle, where I used to think I only have one comrade.
Turns out, unexpectedly, I actually have more than one comrades...some are generals and lieutenants even!
I am happy, but I can't share much here....well, it's just something personal...and I still want to contain that excitement and happiness because I do not want to jinx it..

You know what they say when you speak too soon, and never count your eggs before they are hatched..

I don't hope for a glorious victory; but it suffices that there is a tiny speck of justice after all...and I must thank those little gifts sent by God to comfort me...

Justice does exist...and it will prevail... =)

My thoughts on marriage...

2009-09-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

"When are you getting married?"

It seems like wedding bells are ringing all over the places; and if you have read in my Angelstar blog, my latest post is also about the topic of marriage.
Well, it is a question that most of us should be or are already thinking about at our age.
(We are not that old though, mind you)

It is a question that all of us are passing around when we hear of yet another announcement by our close friends, relatives and peers, and sometimes, our own parents.

I guess, it is a sign that our biological clocks are ticking away, and unfairly, we, the fairer sex seems to suffer the consequences from the ticking of the clocks; if not the speed of how our clock is compared to the male gender.

Conservatively speaking, sometimes I am sure some of us have even gotten the remarks that we should have been parents at this age and then we had to bear another hour of lecture whereby the elders launch into their stories of how young they have gotten married and had children.

Oh well, I guess we need to live with that, but contemporarily speaking, it is after all, the new age of technology and modernization and it is so advanced these days that some do not even need to get married to have children with all the in-vitro fertilization, etc.

Of course, I am not thinking along these lines nor am I swearing off marriages, love relationships.
It is just that, I do not like to be pushed or pressured into doing something.

It is my relationship and my marriage, why do I have to please others and their desires?
I think I have already pleased people most of the time and I think I deserve to be given a chance to do whatever I please in my own relationship and matters pertaining my own marriage.

I have listed out most of my thoughts about marriage in general in my Angelstar blog (go read it if you haven't as this is more like a sequel to it, not promoting my other blog =P )

Here, I am going to go to a more personal depth and share my own thoughts about how I would perceive my own marriage.

To me, marriage is not just finding a Mr Right; but rather a soul mate.
I know, the word soul mate sounds rather subjective, but in short, my partner needs to be my best friend before we proceed any further.

It does not sound that complicated, right?

After all, marriage is all about being with your soul mates; and if you can't understand or know each other at all, you are just merely two acquaintances involved in a sexual relationship rather than a marriage.

I do not perceive my marriage as that way; I want a fulfilling and truly happy relationship.
He must know me well; he must be my best friend and will always understand why I make certain decisions without me having to explain it to him.
He must trust me; that even if it involves huge wrong doings, he will not question me.
(Of course, unless I decide to murder him in his sleep, that's a different question but if he knows me well enough, that won't ever cross his mind, trust me=)

I don't just want a marriage, I want a real relationship.
One where we both know each other very well; and not just label each other as "This is my boyfriend/girlfriend"

I can't just accept someone who likes me at first sight or claims that they are deeply in love with me before I even know them!
It's ridiculous, maybe because I want to know someone or they should know me before we talk about even a relationship.
Otherwise, to me, that's just acquaintances.

It's like a friendly relationship; yes, even friends can have a relationship.
I have a really close relationship with my best friend (bestie) and some of my good friends. Relationship does not necessarily mean you must be holding hands and belong to each other.

That comes to the next part, marriage is when I feel that we belong together; we are meant for each other...and all these fit in because we were already best friends and we have already known each other's perks and quirks.

Too complicated?

Perhaps this is the way I think. I want to do the same thing for my partner, I don't want him to be the only one who does what I want him to do or who I want him to be.
No, I can't and I won't try to change a person and that goes the same for everyone.

We all come from different backgrounds and upbringing; which makes each and every one of us unique. If we fall in love with a person and then find that we are not comfortable with his/her behavior and try to comment about it, then well, we need to go back to the origin; where we actually only fell in love with his looks or physical appearance.
I know it's not easy, I am not perfect either when it comes to matters like these.

I have read this somewhere once; that we should choose someone (for a life partner or a partner) who makes us smile or laugh.
We should choose someone who will not make us frown and (Definitely) not cry.

When I look at it from my angle, in short, it's someone who just makes us happy.
It is the same thing that I have thought as well, that I want to be with him because I want to, not because I have to.

Someone whom we look forward to see, and not worry anxiously about how to please him/her
Someone we are just comfortable with, who knows when we are in good/bad mood and how to act about it
Someone who just puts a smile on my face when I am with him, about to see him or even when I am not with him (you know, just thinking of that person makes you smile or melts your heart)

These are the fundamental things that apply to a positive relationship which can lead to the important phase of marriage.

Another thing which is important is, in times of trouble, who is the one who comes to your mind first?
Put it the other way as well, when you are happy or have great news, who comes to your mind first?

It is these little things that make you realize the importance of one to you.
When you pick up the phone when you want to talk, who do you feel like texting or calling?

When you are not with each other, do you think of that person a lot??
Do you miss their company?
Do you wonder about what they are doing at certain times of the day or the week?
(I know, I am starting to sound like some lyrics from a love song or a radio deejay on those Dear Abbey talk shows)

In reality, you may think these are mushy, but you will be surprised at how relevant and how true this applies to the relationships.

Yeah, if you are wondering where's my thoughts on marriage, well, these are all it...why are we getting married?
These are the questions and elements that would make me think of marriage.
After all, marriage is about spending my lifetime (or at least the rest of my life from the point I say "I Do") with that man.

It is not mushy anymore; when you think about it but rather, these are critical and reality to determine whether you are really comfortable or do you really love that person as much as you thought that you want to be with them forever and that is final; no change.
(Yeah, you can still oogle your eyes at pretty and hot chicks half her age or for the girls, drool over how hunky or suave a guy looks, but in the end, you still love that wrinkled woman in the kitchen or that big belly man in his couch; ouch, I felt that picture is kinda going into the overly descriptive or dramatic mode =)

My bottomline is that I must think of all the answers to those questions and in fact, there's more to think about...
Do I worry when I hear he's in trouble/sad?
Do I cry when he cries and laughs when he laughs? Do I want to make him laugh as well?
Do you think that same way too?
Do you want to be there when he/she's sad or worry anxiously when you are so far away and you want to be next to him/her immediately? (You would book the next immediate flight if you could?)

I do believe that when the right time or the Right person comes along, nothing matters anymore...and everything seems to fit into place...

Well, I guess that's why they say, Love is Blind...and sometimes, you can't be too practical about love.
After all, what is the true definition of love?
Nobody has the actual answer...it is an interpretation to be done by the person in love =)

So, ready for marriage? I shall leave the question to answer by itself someday... *smiles*

Letting go...

2009-09-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've recently gone into a calm and different phase in my life and my thoughts.
I have a good memory of things that had happened in the past; incidents which involved me or affected me, happy or unhappy, and somehow all these came to my mind of late.

Well, it's funny how I see it differently compared to when I was in the situation itself, and some unhappy incidents? I could even smile at it and thought how silly of me to have reacted that way at that time.

Those were the little things; and some had a more serious effect which I still felt bothered by it, although not so much anymore.
Funnily though, I was even thinking of how to mend certain issues.

I may not be in the wrong, mind you, in those issues but somehow, I just wanted to do something about it.
It's like I woke up suddenly and decide, "Hey, if people are going to stay mad or hate me, at least I did something about it first before letting it rot to that extent, right?"

Well, perhaps I am not going to get any response or maybe I could end up getting a hate mail.
Either way, I still have nothing to lose.

I don't know why, perhaps I am a person who just hate to have grudges or even hatred; I could not hate someone (unless if it's like a really huge crime).
It bothers me if I have, in, any way, caused people to hate me at one point or another as well.
Call me weird, but maybe it's just me.

I am referring to an old-time issue; something which happened at work...some time ago where there were two co-workers whom I was involved in a conflict or something of that sort.
I know they probably detest me; even though I never wanted to harm them, but probably my unintended actions had directly or indirectly hurt them that they found fault with me.

It's been so many years now and we are no longer keeping in touch; it is not wonder, isn't it?
People around me are telling me to let it go, forget about it, they are not worth my time and efforts anymore.
It is no longer an issue for me to bother with.

However, I am not one for letting go or giving up easily and apparently, having a good memory is also a burden sometimes.

Some things just cannot be wiped out from my memory, and this is something which used to bother me terribly as I felt it was distressing that someone actually dislikes or even hates me.

I know there is nothing I can do about it; I can't alter one's mind or perception towards me, but I do want to try to do something about it now.

Some may just call me plain stupid for venturing into a lion's lair; asking for abuses to be hurled at myself but I just wanted it to have a right end to it.
You know, if they hate me, well, I just want to tell them sorry.
I just wanted to apologize if I have ever hurt them in any way that I've not imagined and that I never meant it that way.

Of course, what they choose to do with my apology is entirely up to them as there is no way I can control their minds nor their actions.
At least, I am assured that I have indeed done my part and that I have ended it with a mini effort to mend it.

If it remains broken, at least there is no regret that I've not done anything about it.

Perhaps this is part of my way of dealing with incidents of the past; letting go of my own emotions and having a hand in it at least once.

Or perhaps, you can call this maturity? =)

It sounds crazy...

2009-09-09T23:07:00.000-07:00

I know it sounds crazy...but I do miss the times when I used to go to work really early

I remembered when I first started working, I actually go to work at about 5am and reach my office before 6am
(I could be earlier than the janitors sometimes, seriously!)

I am so early that I always get the first parking spot near to the entrance (you know Malaysian drivers-lar!)
I take my own sweet time and relax in the office; turning on my Outlook and also logging into my messenger as well.
Then the day begins, busy busy day where I will be attending meetings, working on my stuffs, preparing all the materials for meetings and presentations.

I will be working my way through until probably 5-5.30pm sometimes before I leave the office.
Of course, I do leave sometimes at 4.30pm as well.....it's a privilege when the boss tells you to leave due to my crazy working hours

I know, it really sounds crazy, as my boss used to put it as I work for more than 12 hours!

The craziest part, I actually did not feel angry or frustrated by the working hours and I don't even complain.
(By the way, it's not even the company's policy to start this early!)
I actually enjoyed working those hours...

I know, my family, friends, and my colleagues (including my own boss) calls me crazy
Hehe...I do admit, now as I look back at (past) life, it does looks crazy.

What a contrast to my current working life!
Well, right now, I go to the office during regular office hours...yeah, back to normal

I don't know, I think this is all about passion which drives us forward
Don't you think so?

Oh ya, go ahead and brand me a workaholic...I am used to it =P

When the going gets tough...

2009-09-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

Times are tough these days, and sometimes, I just feel so disgusted with some of the pretentious facades around me
I could not take it at all; much as people telling me that I need to put on a fake front as well and pretend nothing happened.

How could I do that?
If I were to pretend nothing happened at all, doesn't that make me the same as those people?

I know it's required to be diplomatic sometimes, but deep down inside, I just feel it's all plain weird.
I chose not to fight, but it doesn't mean that I have surrendered
I choose the path of peace, that we can resolve things maturely

I have been through the good and tough times, and I've realized lots of things during the turbulent period
In a way, I do not complain that it happened sometimes, because I did learn something out of it and it taught me to grow up

Good things are always great of course, when they come your way but it's sometimes those undesirable things which turn out to have an unexpected outcome, don't you agree?

I have learnt and mature through this process; identifying the vital survival skills to keep myself alive in this dog eat dog world.
I will not let myself be in despair, nor will I brood over things that have happened and have made me fall down

Instead, I am going to hold my head up high, smile at the world, and tell them, this is not going to kill me, it's gonna make me stronger:)

As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going

I am definitely one to go tough and show the world that I am not gonna give up!
*SMILES*

Verbally outgoing

2009-09-04T17:48:00.000-07:00

I was already planning to ignore most of things
I didn't want to bother anymore
I was thinking of shutting my mouth up when they act concerned

I think I am just verbal as I could not help it to voice out my opinions when I am asked
I am not one to keep quiet when there's injustice or when there are issues which require attention

I find it hard to just keep poised and act like all's normal and smile about it when there are clearly things which bother me and also people working with me in the same team
I had to bring it out
For the best of everyone

Am I just being too verbal sometimes?

My 2nd-level boss

2009-09-04T17:24:00.000-07:00

My boss is up here again this week; well, technically, yesterday was his last day:)

We had a short meeting; discussion on projects and private discussion on performance, etc.

Hmmm...I think it didn't go too bad though...I think there's good news even =)

I am Happiee....it was indeed a great Friday, finally, after all the months I have worked and have had crappy Fridays which left me wondering why do these people love to torment you on the days when you're happiest most:(

Finally, it was a great great Friday, TGIF *LOUD*

*smiles*

Old friends...

2009-09-02T22:42:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been contacted by a lot of old friends, who have dropped by to say hi or somehow, just found me through Facebook.
Some were even long lost classmates and friends whom I have not heard of in years!

The other day, I even bumped into my ex-boss and also received an email from another ex-boss!
(It's not that I have changed lots of jobs before, it's just that I happen to report to a lot of bosses..LOL!)

Surprisingly, all these brought a pleasant feeling to my heart...I felt loved and remembered by so many people.
It is true that sometimes we should not despair over a small bunch of people who do not value or appreciate your existence and forget about the bigger bunch who truly cared and love you.

I felt that despite the rough time I am going through at work now, I felt so warm and so treasured by the many friends, relatives, acquaintances and family members which made me feel so important.

I guess, in a way, it's a feeling that God wanted me to feel; to know that HE is also always there for me and that I have plenty of love around.

At the same time, I am already learning to let go and to ignore things which can cause misery.
Perhaps it's a form of compensation that I am truly and fully appreciated by the world out there.

So what if there are crappy people who just wants to make my life hell?
I have a larger paradise of angels and saints who are just out there to make my life seems like heaven:)

It's amazing how this works....friends, families who can just make your world a better place to work in:)

At the same time, I was just wondering, am I that bad at keeping in touch with people?
I thought I was pretty good....hahaha, was:p

No more dreams...

2009-08-28T02:05:00.000-07:00

It's not that I am not having anymore dreams; in fact, I have been dreaming a series of dreams lately; and they seem to all revolve around different environments and different people seem to appear in each night's dream.

I think I have seen my relatives, my cousins, my ex-colleagues, my old classmates, my old admirers, some old childhood friends and even existing colleagues (only 1 or 2 from them though).

I can't help but think that almost everyone has appeared except my close loved ones...which is odd.

I know there is something there that I need to figure out; and there seems to be connection that is just staring right back at me.

Give me some time; while I sort out my thoughts and collect my senses back....I will have the answer soon...

Anyway, I don't want to continue to make this blog a 'Dreams' Blog as I kept posting on my dreams...that will make it so dull and monotonous.

That's why, no more dreams! Unless I have a really bizarre and crazy dream which I just have to share on;)

It's finally Friday, TGIF...and don't wish me sweet dreams or anything like that anymore.
I hope for a non-REM sleep this time...sound sleep is good!:D

Is it worth it?

2009-08-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

I am really tired of all these stuffs I am doing

I felt that I have tried my best in everything and end of the day, there doesn't seem to be anyone appreciating or even an utter of thanks
Not that I am looking forward to be some poster pin-up in the Hall of Fame or something like that, but the very least is, don't instead try to put me and my efforts down. It's like pouring a bucket of ice down my back; sends a chill down my spine in a bloodcurdling way.

I am sure that my recent posts on my main blog and here has given a brief and general overview of what's going on with me and yeah, my work (it seems to be an endless topic, huh?)

I felt so unappreciated and demotivated by such a working environment and don't even get my started on teamwork.
I have worked my best and really, I really tried everything I could to do what I can beyond my own expectations.
I don't want to be just an employee who receives her list of tasks in a note form and just perform according to that; without even using the capacity of the brain cells.

Yet, what I get is a word of that I should not have done that because it is not at my level.
All these talks about transparency and respect are pushed to the background.
I tell you, if I did not make an initiative to try to resolve the issue and just decided to get help, they will again, of course, say that I have no initiative and no sense of responsibility; only depending on spoonfeeding!

It is that contradictory of their own directions and what they want from their employees.
I am really surprised and at the same time, disappointed in this company which is furthermore, an MNC.

Secondly, I could not even feel a hint of teamwork here.
When I am sick, there is never coverage; no matter what happens.
The recent issue even proved that significantly.

I wonder what is wrong with the people here
I find it hard to trust anyone here as well; there is so much politics and backstabbing and God-knows-what-else is going on here.

I never wanted to step into any of this; but inevitably, I was pulled into it again and these sadistic people just enjoy seeing/hearing that people are in trouble.
I don't know why they want to mind others' businesses so much; it's like they are minding everyone's business but their own.

I am just here to work; and to do my job and get along with people, but if people continue to be like that, like 'some people say', it's really beyond my control.

What else can I do?
I have already done what I can and that's to my best ability....I am really tired with all these...

I don't think there's anything worth my happiness and health.....

I am a positive person; and I am continuing to look at this positively...taking this as part of my learning, growing up and character molding process....

Do I miss school that much?

2009-08-18T20:13:00.001-07:00

I had another dream again last night; I think I have been talking about my dreams most of the time here.

This time, it's not that long but I see a classroom scene.
It's like back in primary school; those old wooden and creaky desks we sit at in the classrooms.

It was arranged in a semi circle; and I was facing some of the guys (my friends).
They were seated with their backs towards the door; and I was blinded by the brightness of the sun outside as I was staring at them.
On the left I could see the old-fashioned green blackboard...call it greenboard (you remember those that we use chalks?)

Funny thing is; I kept seeing this guy (he was one of my admirers) and he kept appearing.
He was very quiet though; and it was like back in school when our friends used to tease us together.
It was very awkward and then he was hesitating whether to talk to me or go to meet me or not.

It was like a swinging situation where he was having his thoughts; and then when he wanted to come to talk to me, something or someone held him back.
He was reminded about his girlfriend and he suddenly looked confused, saying, "I don't have a girlfriend yet!"

He was confused and looked at me; and I was rooted to the ground...

Then when we sat at the semi-circle, he was the guy facing me with the sun blinding my sight again
It was all quiet then it faded...

I am just surprised at how often my dreams have the picture of my old school classrooms in them.
Do I really miss school that much?

Was that a subconscience speaking to me?

I don't know, and I think I still need to sort out all the interpretations for all my dreams...I hope I don't go crazy before that...

Yet another weird dream???

2009-08-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

I should have blogged about it immediately when I woke up on Friday morning.

Yeah, I have had yet another weird dream the night before and it was again another bizarre dream in which I was part of it.

I think it involved my high school this time; I could see an access card.
That access card was actually the card which I use for my current condo in Penang to enter the main entrance gate.
I recalled it so clearly from the dream because it was very obvious and evident due to the card size, thickness and the words imprinted on it.

In the dream, it started with me passing the card to my dad; I think…for some reason or another. When I hand him the card, I remembered that I kept emphasizing on how important this card is and the extra precaution he needs to take to take care of it.
I couldn’t remember whether my brother was also in the dream.

I was seen as kept insisting on the importance of the card and how I need it to enter my school gates every morning (I do not know why the school gate?)

My dad nodded and did not say much.

Next I was seen to go to school early every morning; and I think I was back in those old prefect’ blue blouse and navy blue skirt I used to wear and I was walking towards the gate.

Suddenly my dad appeared and showed me the card.

It is now in a deformed shape!

Again, I remembered it clearly because it was so clear and sharp in the dream!

The card actually melted and crumpled from the side corners towards the middle. It’s like it has been burnt or underwent some high temperature oven with a tractor over it.

I remembered I was panicky (again) and was extremely upset over it; and I was crying and arguing with my dad and brother.

I kept saying, “I told you so many times to take good care of it, now it’s ruined!! How could you ruin it??? How am I supposed to go to school from now on??”

My dad was quiet and it was quite blur

Then I cried again and I remembered one of the last sentence I uttered before I woke up, “ If I knew, I would never have given you the card!! Now I even need to pay the fine and be penalized!!”

I was so upset; imagine when you are really furious or disappointed when your favorite possession is ruined by someone else.

I just felt so upset and distressed that I kept crying and arguing and then I stared at the school gates…it seemed so blurred and distant and then, I woke up.

Extremely bizarre, don’t you think?

I will try to decipher my dream too….

(I am wondering the melted/burnt card had anything to do with a honey bottle I accidentally melted on Thursday morning…LOL? Maybe hor?)

Dream of my wedding and my grandma?

2009-08-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've had another weird dream last night; but it's not a spooky one which is why I have decided to post it here.

It was a long dream; as I remember and I was actually getting married!

I was dressed in a simple white tube dress with a long train; but it was easy for me to walk around.
I remember walking around a lot in the dream!

I was scheduled to have my wedding in this church; but the weird thing is, the church was actually a little chapel which is a shoplot.

The other shops next to it were empty; and I remembered that all the paint were very white.

Then I see a few guys around who were very cheerful and happy; and they were actually my friends who were supposed to help out with the wedding.
Too bad, I couldn't recall their faces...or come to think it, I don't remember anyone particularly familiar, but one thing's for sure, they are all guys.
In fact, I think they are the guys who are supposed to be the groom's brotherhood entourage although they were all helping me.

The groom?
I have no idea...I did not even see him around.

I only remembered that I was not feeling particularly like myself; and that everything seems to be in a hurry
I was not really prepared; and I was dressed really simple!
Nothing like a wedding that I could ever imagine!

I had light make-up on; and my cousin sisters were all standing inside the church
Weird; I did not even have my 'sisterhood' entourage with me!

I was feeling really lost; and I think I felt like I was not really ready for the wedding
I was feeling anxious and wondering why I am getting married so soon (or in such a hurry!)
You see, I didn't even know why I was there

I saw most of my family members looking at me; and waving at me from the church and I was standing outside the church
I felt forlorn and lonely

Then I realized I forgot my shoes....
As I panicked, I saw my brother who told everyone to calm down and asked my dad to go back to the car to get my shoes
Everyone tried to calm me down and told me to wait for the shoes in the church

Unknown to the others, I was trailing behind my brother and my dad; and I saw myself descending a flight of stairs which was carpeted in red and then led to a dark basement carpark

Suddenly, I see light again and I saw my mom at the top of the staircase
She told me to come up and I made my way up again; heaving up my (apparently) light gown and walking barefooted.

As I stood outside the church, feeling lost and miserable again
I thought of how empty the benches are and was thinking, why didn't I invite all my friends and colleagues
There seems to be only close family members and relatives
I felt so lonely; and a bit disappointed that it lacks the merry atmosphere

I wondered why didn't I want to inform other people; they will know eventually anyhow
I felt so afraid of walking down the aisle
I almost felt like I wanted to cancel and be a runaway bride!

Then I was thinking, it's okay, I shall organize another wedding dinner in KL once I am done with this ceremony
(I am guessing I am not even in my own hometown for this wedding?)
I don't even have a bridesmaid....believe it or not!

I panicked when I realized that I don't have a bridesmaid; and looked at my cousin sisters standing inside the church (they were nicely dressed)
I was wondering who to pick as my bridesmaid....but they seemed so far away

Then the piano starts to play inside the church and I know I had to start making my way into the church
I don't even have my veil yet!
I was looking around; and I saw most of the guys were looking at me; sort of eyeing me from top to toe (checking me out with a grin on their face and giving me the thumbs up)

If that was not freaky enough, suddenly I saw my very sick grandma
Yup; the grandma who is currently very very sick (she is my only grandma left anyway)
She was dressed up and had a bit of red lipstick and she looked much younger

She held my shoulder and told me to be calm
I could feel the touch of her hand on my bare shoulder (remember I was wearing a tube dress?)
She said to me these words, "Don't worry, everything will be fine. I am happy that you are finally getting married. I am very very happy now...."

In an instant, I recalled....my sick grandmother is now a great grandmother following my eldest cousin brother's wedding a few years ago; and he has borne two lovely daughters.

Furthermore, recently, my youngest uncle also had his newborn son; adding the heir that grandma so much wanted

My aunt has also said, grandma has already seen her great grandchildren, all her daughters' children (considered external grandchildren in the Chinese family context) and now she has even her own internal grandson (the heir to the family)
She has only yet to see her grandson-in-law...

Is that why I am having this weird dream?

I only know it is very weird, and I think I need some time to sort it out and decipher this dream...

I need to sort out the parts and interpret it in a right sequence....

Other things that I can remember from the dream

The tube dress I was wearing...I think it looked a bit like this

Taken from - http://flypaper.bluefly.com/images/wedding%20gown.gif

Taken from http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31OT96ip20L.jpg

I remembered even my hair was left flowing on my shoulders...yeah, it's not even done!

(From good.designs)

I almost felt like I couldn't wake up from my sleep/dream
I felt like there was a strong force to push me into the aisle
It's like I shouldn't wake up from the dream and that I have to continue to stay in the dream...

Now, how bizarre is that????

Cherish your loved ones

2009-08-11T23:29:00.000-07:00

It is funny how negligent people are; and how all of us seem to take things for granted
It's like we take it that things around us are always there for us and part of your daily lives

So not true...

Recently, my granny is very sick and has been in and out of the hospital for countless times; each time looking weaker than the last
She has grown so thin and frail; that I was shocked and I almost couldn't believe that this is my granny
I could not help myself from feeling sad when I see her lying there so helpless on the hospital bed and suffering from the pains while we can just stand by her bed and look on (not able to do anything since we are no professionals)

It was then that I start to recall; how granny was like back in her younger days (during my childhood), when she was so vibrant and healthy
I am not that close to this granny of mine; reason because we stay 300 kilometres away and only visit granny every school holiday
Despite that, granny is still often delighted to see us (what's not, when my mother, her daughter is the only one who stays so far away from her)
She loves to cook and I remember how she often encourages us to stay and eat at home instead of going out for those local Penang hawker food

She starts cooking early in the morning and by 11-11.30am, she would have all the dishes ready on the table (piping hot!) and she would always yell, "Come have your lunch now!"
We were often reprimanded if we were to leave the food go cold and not sit down to eat immediately (no matter how full you are!)

This granny is very superstitious and often tells us the stories of the different deities and the various festive seasons associated with the beliefs
She also often forbids us from doing this or that; stating that it could bring bad luck
Needless to say, she is definitely hard to please especially during Chinese New Year where the rules are to be followed

She really hates dark-colored clothes; especially black and dark-blue
It is a taboo to wear these clothes in her house if you were to visit during Chinese New Year
I remember how she chided one of my aunts for buying a pair of blue suit for Chinese New Year and she forbade her from wearing it
She says that these are colors meant for mourning and it is pure disrespect to the elders if we were to wear it

Even on normal days, she frowns upon wholly black ensemble in her house

She loves bright colors and auspicious words; gold, red
But her favorite color is definitely purple; just like my other late grandmother

She loves to eat; and she would not hesitate to try all sorts of food
However, as she gets older, I still remember her saying that it is okay to steal a bite or two and that it meant no harm, despite all the objections from us and how we deter her from those unhealthy food

Right now, she is so frail and weak and sickly, that I feel so sad when I see her face
At the same time, I know I cannot show my sadness in front of her

All of us have to smile and cheer her up in this times

She is getting weaker by the day; and so far, doctors and even mediums (my aunts sought advice from mediums too) did not give much positive feedback

I suddenly feel worried about the fate of my grandmother..
I know that we are all being prepared mentally by the doctors and the mediums
Yet, it is no easy feat to be prepared and yet have to accept a fate

I do not want to be prepared; no...
But I do pray that she will feel very much better and not in pain or suffering

Granny is starting to mutter weird things to everyone
and she has certainly seemed much more cheerful these days
However, we are still worried

I will continue to pray for her

We should cherish our loved ones at all times and not only when you think they are about to leave
Once they have left us, it will be forever as we won't be able to see them again...
I do miss my grandmother and grandfather who have left me; although I know they are watching over us from Heaven

Never take anyone for granted; even your close friends
You may not be able to rewind the time when you have lost it
Cherish all the time you have with your loved ones..

I know I definitely will...

I used to...

2009-08-11T23:24:00.001-07:00

I used to love working so much
I used to look forward to going to work every morning and coming home
I used to enjoy learning new things each day and going through a challenging task
I used to look forward to waking up early each day (even on weekends)
I used to enjoy being so early in the office that I am almost always the first person there (and my car is always in the first spot)
I used to feel tired after work each day and yet feel satisfied over the whole day's work

I used to...

Now...
I don't even feel motivated anymore
I am frustrated with some of the things I am doing
I feel annoyed by uncooperative and cunning people around
I can't wait for the day to end
I looked forward to weekends and wonder why it is so short
I feel exhausted every day and just feel so messed up
I can't wait to get away and run off for vacation

Can you tell me what is wrong with this picture?

I just want to blab some of my thoughts, that's all...now I need to get back to work...

I think I am overworked...I need a vacation...to stay SANE!

I am so tired!

2009-08-10T22:19:00.000-07:00

I am really tired of all these lar...
I can't take it anymore

I just feel so sick of everything

I know, there goes another depressing post
I am not depressed
I am just tired...

I just don't feel like myself again

I just want to get out of this!

It's all a mess and the same old stuffs which I can't take anymore....

I want an EXIT!

Regret...

2009-08-10T22:16:00.001-07:00

I regret leaving the window open last night when I went to sleep

There must be a light haze in the air as I awoke to such dry throat and lips this morning
I feel all cold outside and inside despite the really hot sun out there today

I should have just kept the darn window shut when I went to bed!

I thought the haze has been defeated by the continuous showers of rain for the past few days...

Apparently, I was wrong...

I think I should continue to keep the window closed until further observation or when I am convinced that the haze is finally gone!

Budget-keeping

2009-08-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have promised myself that I must keep an eye on my budget and my spending
(Not that I am a big/irrational spender)
I just like to make sure that things are in order

It's weird how your list of things to buy have increased since you have started working and staying out here on your own
At the same time, I am also surprised at how minute the value of our ringgit has gone to when I purchase some simple groceries

A good RM50 note goes off in a blink of an eye; even when you are just buying some simple stuffs like fruits, food, or toiletries

A RM50 notes doesn't seem to be that huge of a value anymore that it really scares me

For that, I have to keep to a strict budget and make sure that I do not overspend

The other danger is the plastic (referring to credit card) which allows you to make transactions of purchases seem so easy and worry-free
Then you just write a cheque to the bank at the end of each month to clear the bills...

All paperless; electronic based and you feel stress-free since you don't see any physical movement of your money to the other party or in any transaction?

Not so, when you take a look at your ATM and noticed that the money is missing...leaving your account balance to an undesirable amount that leaves you longing for the pay day to be here soon...

I do not want to end up in that kind of situation; and I still find myself a pretty disciplined person
I have a really strong will and I can really hold myself from buying something which I really love if I have to...

Fortunately, I am still good to go...and sensible in whatever i spend...

Anyway, a girl's spending is still dangerous whenever it comes to all these sales seasons and it's the Mega or Merdeka Sales season again...

Is it me or does it seem like the warehouse sales and mega sales this year seems to be never-ending?

I must stick to my budget and buy only what I need; and not what I want or must have.....

Worry too much?

2009-08-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

I think I worry too much.....sometimes... (or most of the time?)

I worry about almost everything
I can't keep my mind off something when it goes wrong
It will continue nagging me at the back of my mind

It will just make me feel restless and unable to have peace in my mind

It's not healthy, I know but it's just me being me
I can't help it

I know I shouldn't because it may not necessarily be any big thing

Some say I am being overly responsible for all the things I do
and how I have attached myself too much emotionally in my work

perhaps that's true....
I care too much.... about everything
I care too much when there is wrong

Does perfectionism has to do with this too?

I think so too....

Help, what should I do then?
I think I am going dizzy....this issue has been nagging at me for this whole week that I am already at my limits

I realized I have worried too much when finally, today, I have decided not to back down anymore and strike back

I am tired of being always the one to step back
I need to defend

I need a BREAK......
I want my vacation!

10 things to know about me

2009-08-06T00:13:00.000-07:00

1. I HATE smokers; especially those inconsiderate ones (and of course, I don't really like gamblers and drinkers as well)

2. I LOVE the Rain (that's a known fact for sure :)

3. I wanted to be a doctor/dentist when I was a kid

4. I am a very LOYAL person; and I can really be attached to friends, families and even places which I love

5. There's not a lot of local fruits that I really like; seriously! I like fruits like oranges, kiwis, berries (all of em), cherries, pears, peaches, grapes...so there :)

6. I LOVE to write and READ (enough said)

7. I am a worrywart (self-confession)

8. I HATE LIARS!

9. I TRUST in GOD very much; and I am very proud of my faith (I am a Catholic)

10. I DON'T DRINK beer or hard liquor (Don't ask WHY! Period)

My Favorite Things

2009-08-05T23:47:00.000-07:00

There's been too many depressing posts lately; and I do not like the negativity itself.

All of a sudden, I am reminded by this song which I used to love from my all-time favorite musical, The Sound of Music.

It is sung by Julie Andrews (The Golden Voice of the Century); who sang My Favorite Things.
She said to the children, "When I feel sad, I think of My Favorite Things"

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleighbells
And schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winter that melts into spring
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel...so bad

So, I should also try to remember my favorite things, to cheer myself up....

Now what are my favorite things?

1. BOOKS!!! I love my books, they are my best soulmates
2. RAIN!
3. MICKEY MOUSE!
4. My car
5. PINK!
6. My laptop
7. Gilmore Girls - they are my dose of laughter!
8. My playlist on iTunes
9. My BLOGS....need I say more?
10. My instrumental/classical music
11. ORCHESTRA
12. Piano
13. Violin
14. My ROOM
15. My Crystals
16. My Pillow
17. My Shoes
18. My bags
19. My dresses
20. My phone!! - can't live without it
21. My CDs and DVDs
22. My Fair Princess
23. Coup De Couer
24. Shopping
25. Sunflowers!
26. Snowglobes
27. Presents
28. Watches
29. Oranges
30. Australia pears (they are the best, and they seem to have vanished from the face of earth?)
31. Kiwis
32. Fish
33. Horses
34. Heritage places
35. Antiques
36. Earrings
37. Winnie the Pooh
38. DISNEY cartoons (my favorites: Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty & the Beast, Little Mermaid)
39. Soft Toys
40. Honey
41. White Dresses
42. White Shoes (white everything)
43. Beach
44. Lakeside
45. A White house
46. Cottages
47. Ferrari
48. Church
49. My Family
50. God
51. Vineyards
52. Wine Glasses clinking at each other
53. Pouring of champagne over the nicely stacked glasses and toasting!
54. Duets
55. Waltz!
56. Sounds of rain pattering on the roof
57. Rainbow
58. Dressing up for an occasion
59. Owning my own house and deciding on the deco and reno!
60. Curling on the bed with my book and Mickey when it's raining
61. Airports and airplanes
62. Gushing water from waterfall

I should stop here or I could go on and on, it gets me excited.
They are all in no particular order; and don't mistake that I care about my family and God the least, because that's not true...

I am enjoying this.... *smiles*

Rainy comfort

2009-08-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

I love the rain; I really do...
These two days have been raining for the whole day...

Typically I would rejoice and clap my hands, shouting in glee
But these two days, I have been bogged down by my work anxieties and worries that I didn't even feel so happy about the rain; though sometimes I do feel comforted that God is trying to cheer me up as well.

At the same time, I also felt reminded of my big storm that I am going through at the moment and I felt down with the weather as well...

I am confused right?

Should I feel happy or should I sigh along with the rain?
I know I should choose the happy note, but as long as my issue is not over, I can't truly be all happy yet....

Please speed UP!!!

2009-08-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

I am not talking about the broadband; nor the connection

I am referring to the time remaining to close my issue
Things are moving rather slow because I had to wait for the feedback from the customer
I can't wait because all sorts of possibilities are running through my head and I am gearing myself up for all the arguments needed and all the things I may need to belt out during the upcoming discussion

I can't wait...I am anxious!
I want things to be all closed...so that my mind can finally rest
I cannot rest or be at peace without getting the answer

I do pray that things go smoothly and there is no major hiccups so that we don't have to go to the argument stage
I really want to settle this peacefully; please?

Only my data is needed?

2009-08-04T20:03:00.001-07:00

I received an email from my boss yesterday as I was approaching the end of my working hours
(My boss sits in KL; operating from the HQ)

His request was very simple; asking me to consolidate the data for the reporting of last quarter's results and inclusive of year-to-date and also, to forecast up to September (which is the end of the fiscal year in my company)

Surprisingly, the email was only to me and my other colleague; the one who was constantly MIA was in the CC loop along with my admin and two other managers.

Initially, I was definitely wondering, why only me?
Why do I need to be the only one to consolidate?
Why does that colleague get away everytime?

But I thought again; and I think I know why
I look at the positive side and I think it looks better

Maybe I am the only one with data, after all? Hahaha...
And maybe, it doesn't really matter whether he has data or not? =P

Furthermore, he is in CC loop and I am sure he will definitely say that he is not supposed to do anything since he is in CC loop

This is one person that thinks CC and To are always the same; because even when the email is really addressed TO him, he still ignores....
So I guess, nobody wants to waste time asking him to do anything, perhaps

Now, doesn't things look much better? :D

P.S.: I am not being mean...it IS the truth!

Taking it all in a stride

2009-08-03T22:41:00.000-07:00

Things keep happening to me recently especially at work
Then I am worried about my poor old grandmother who is severely ill; something which the whole family is helpless about as we cannot do much to rectify the situation

At work, I am thrown into a huge cauldron of fire and I have to swim my way out by myself
(refer to my primary Angelstar Blog Haven blog for the story)

I am all alone these days; I feel so alone although I know I am not alone as besides Almighty Father and all the beautiful angels and saints around me, I still have my family and good/best friends who are all supporting me in one way or another, telling me not to give up

I cannot be with them physically but I can sense their concern and their worries about me, and I know they are all praying for my well-being

I feel touched and do not worry as I did not lose hope or the grip on myself

When times are tough, the tough gets going
It is not like some people say, "It cannot be helped"
Oh yes, things can be helped

We are in control of the situation
Things happen, so what
We can't let the effects control our minds and limbs and not do anything about it

We need to do something about it
Even if we need to be in sweat and tears
But as long as we tried our best, who is there to stand there and judge us?

Perhaps it's my faith, and my never-giving up attitude or maybe it's even my experiences so far which has certainly helped to mould my mindset and my character along the way to make me a stronger person like who I am today

Unfortunate things do happen sometimes; or for some, all the time but yet, there is always a fortune out of it
God is fair and merciful

There is always a silver lining beneath every cloud
And for me, the silver lining is to learn to be independent and to be stronger/mature and I truly appreciate the people around me even more

I thank God for all the lovely blessings besides the unfortunate luck at the moment

When we are depressed over things which happened in an untimely manner, think of those who are in even worse state than us; those who are constantly depressed over a roof over their heads, food for their stomach and the fates of their surviving family members.

When I think of all these, I pray for them and thank God for the blessings bestowed upon me

Don't you think that we have a lot to thank for?
So, I will not let myself in despair...I must stand up on my own
I must pick up
I must work it all out

In all, I must take everything in a stride and hold my head up!

Thanks for all the encouragement!~

Welcoming new little cousin!

2009-08-03T22:24:00.000-07:00

A recent addition to my maternal family is the adorable little cousin who was born to my youngest uncle four months ago.
He is such a joyful baby; who could not stop smiling at everyone and that immediately put him on the top of the popularity list

SO CUTE! who could resist this little baby; with his tiny fingers and toes and who is still wondering why he cannot crawl yet.

He loves to bow down and put his head down to to sniff at the mattress in front of him, which just tickles everyone to laughter

It is a lovely and joyous creation of God; amazing and miraculous at the same time at how helpless a newborn is and yet we grow into thinking and sensible adults; shouldering responsibilities along the way, and yet, when we grow old, we are yet again helpless and dependent before we are sent back to God himself...

It is truly an amazing journey; and how God had drawn our pictures even before we are born

~Live your life to the fullest that when you were born, you were the only one crying and everyone around you is smiling and when you leave the world, you are the one smiling while everyone around you is crying~
I really love this quote

To baby cousin, may you grow up to be a good, smart, responsible and sensible man who will be the future pillar of the nation!
Adorable....

St Anne's with my family

2009-07-31T20:38:00.000-07:00

In conjunction with the holy and joyous feast day of Mother St Anne, my family made a short trip up north and joined me in the famous patron saint's church in Bukit Mertajam.
As usual, it was packed and this round, we arrived in the afternoon; compared to our morning or late evenings' trips which is much cooler.

Most of the pilgrims from other states were already leaving; therefore the crowd is not a problem anymore.
Pedlars are also out there, as usual, selling merchandise items, making a fortune for themselves.
It became like a pasar malam environment outside the church's compound, and it was insane as some were selling Hindu merchandise items!
Well, this shows how popular this St Anne's church is among non-Catholics as people of different faith flock to pray to her.

Technically, Catholics do no pray TO St Anne; instead, we pray through her, as with all other saints.

We ask these saints to intercede in our prayers to God, and ask for their help to pray for us.

That is why in our faith, we have so many saints and angels whom we display in the church and the buildings.
They are our patrons; and our intermediaries to God.

I love coming for St Anne's feast; maybe because I love this church?
It just feels so serene and put my mind at ease (never mind the hot sun and the crowds)

Most importantly, I was really happy to meet my family again! This year, even my cousin brother is here in Penang to join us on this pilgrimage:)

Happy St Anne's Feast; may you be blessed with the grace and happiness:)

~ *DPCS Princess's Diary* ~